Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor, my sister, will be ~7 months pregnant at the time of our wedding. I am happy for her, but sad for me. As selfish as it sounds, I didn’t want a pregnant BM/MOH, but things happen and I’m fine with it now.
The problem that persists is she will be in her 3rd trimester and it is possible her Ob/Gyn will not allow her to fly so late in the pregnancy — it’s about a 6 hour flight. I am not sure what to do. Should I keep her in the wedding party and hope she is able to make it? Or chose someone else? If she isn’t able to make it we probably wouldnt know until a month before the wedding and everything would be printed at that point with her name on it as Maid/Matron of Honor and I wouldn’t be able to find another dress if I wanted a replacement.
What should I do? What would you do?
Post # 3
Her Ob/Gyn can probably tell her now whether they “usually” allow their patients to fly during the 3rd trimester–I’d have a talk with her and ask her to talk to her Dr, for her as well as for you. Then you can decide what to do.
Post # 4
Ask her how she feels. Maybe she’ll graciously step down due to the circumstances. Give her the chance to let you know how she feels about the situation.
Post # 5
How sad you sister may not be able to make it! I was going to say the exact same thing as tigs_pal about checking with the OB-GYN. And if she can’t make it at the last minute, can you pick one of your BMs to be a “back-up” MOH? Even if it doesn’t match the program, you can just spread the word that your sister couldn’t make it because of the pregnancy.
Post # 6
i think you should arrange for a backup in case your sister cannot make it.
Post # 7
thanks for your advice ladies. It will be very sad if she cannot make it. She did mention that she would be ok with not being in the wedding party, but I cannot imagine it without her in it. I will have her check with her Ob/Gyn at her next appt. My other sister can be the back-up Maid/Matron of Honor (she’s currently a BM) but then the wedding party will be uneven… but I guess at that point an uneven wedding party will be the least of my worries!
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat as you! My best friend/MOH (who, to me, is the most important guest, even above my mother!) will be 37 weeks pregnant by our wedding, and definitely won’t be able to fly up for the wedding. I was crushed when I heard this news a few weeks ago. It’s weird to be simultaneously painfully disappointed for me and absolutely thrilled for her. (Thankfully, she understands completely!) Though she won’t be at our wedding, she’s still the most important lady in my life and will be keeping her Maid/Matron of Honor title. So, essentially, I’ll have no Maid/Matron of Honor at the wedding, but it’s more important to me that she retain that title. She’ll make it up for my shower in June and we plan to spend some extra time together — showing her the venue, doing some sightseeing, etc so she can feel a part of our wedding day, even though she won’t be there.
The only advice I can give is, like others mentioned, to talk to her. While I have no intentions of asking my Maid/Matron of Honor to step down, it was still immensely helpful for us to talk about it all. I was able to be honest (though careful and gentle) in saying things like, “You know how excited I am for you, but I can’t help but be disappointed — I can’t figure out how to reimagine our day without you there!” By being noncritical, genuinely excited, and honest about your feelings, your open line of communication should (hopefully) lead to you an answer for your situation. I just decided that no matter what, I was going to be happy for her because it’s an immensely joyful time. She’s going to be pregnant and have the baby no matter what, so there was no sense in me holding a grudge or being sad for any longer than I could control! I still have moments when I think, “Oh, Maid/Matron of Honor should be the person to help me with my veil or hand me FI’s ring, etc, but she won’t be there.” It’s definitely disappointing, but it gets better with time, of course!
Post # 9
I’m in the same boat. My Maid/Matron of Honor is pregnant and is only in the 1st trimester but is having lots of problems already. She has asked to participate in the ceremony. I’ve asked her to at least let me leave her name in the program and have a seat for her on the front row and a bouquet for photos. She has agreeded to this. I think that most people will understand that she is unable to participate because of the pregnancy so that’s why I wanted to leave her name in the program and save her a seat so she will still be close to me.
I hope that your sister can make it to your wedding. Fingers crossed for you but I would just go ahead and plan to keep her in the wedding and ask another friend to be the co-maid of honor so that she can do the things your sis can’t. LIke fluff your dress, bend down to pick things up for you etc.
Post # 10
You cant fly after 33 wks in a pregnancy, are you having a videographer? You can make a copy for her if you are
Post # 11
That is really sad if she can’t make it to your wedding! I would be crushed.
Post # 12
If she’ll be 7 months pregnant it should be fine, I’m almost positive that it’s 8 months that you can’t fly at and as PPs have said the doctor should be able to tell her now if it’s going to be a problem or not.
Post # 13
@tammyt112 – you can fly with a doctors note after that point, which they will sometimes give if you are having a normal, healthy pregnancy.
One of my best girls just flew to Vegas for my bachelorette and she is at 34 weeks…so cute with her big belly down in the pool cabana!
Post # 14
UPDATE: just found out, per doctor’s advice, my sister will not be able to make it to the wedding.
Post # 15
Bummer!! I’m so sorry. I’d be devastated if my sister couldn’t come.