Post # 1
A friend of mine were talking one day at work. Im in my 20s, he is in his 40s. We were BS-ing about marriage and divorce, like celebrity marriages, and how the divorce rate is sky high. :/ I told him later on that my SO used to joke with me about never getting married again, because he is divorced. And I told him he left his wife after propsing marriage counseling, going, and it didnt work. He scoffed at me, and said “Well duh, any time you agree to couples therapy youre deeming the marriage to fail”
I have never heard anyone say that before.
Need some input from some bees here, cause Im lost. Lol.
Post # 3
I so disagree with your co-worker. If anything being open and willing to go to counseling is a strong indicator a person wants their marriage to succeed. Otherwise, why even go to attempt to repair the faults in the marriage?
Post # 4
I think it works if both parties are open to change…
Your friend would probably never be open enough to letting counseling change him so of course he thinks that.
Post # 5
Then why do so many couples go through pre-maritial counselling and still get married?
Post # 6
Thats what I thought. I had never heard such dark thoughts of that counseling. Some people need an outsiders opinion on problems, and why use a peer who could possibly be one sided?
Post # 7
Your coworkers logic puzzles me. o.O
Post # 8
Counselling works when both people are willing and open about it. There are so many issues and topics that some couples never consider that counselling helps open the lines of communication. I have heard this same opinion as your co-worker before. I mentioned the idea to my Mother, and she said the same thing about deeming the marriage to fail before it has started. My Mother also left my Father and their divorced, so clearly her opinion was not taken into account lol.
Post # 9
My SO and I did 6 months of counseling after we went through a rough patch. It’s been 5 months since we completed counseling and our relationship has never been better. I sincerely believe that if we’d never gone, we would have broken up. I think that misconception comes because many people use couples counseling as a last resort – so they’re already one foot out the door when they start. By that point, it may be too late and they break up anyone. I think couple’s counseling is a great option and a good way to head off problems that could become more severe later on.
Post # 10
My Fiance and I have agreed that if we ever need it, we both will get counseling together and apart if it may help the relationship. I don’t know that I could marry someone who thought counseling ends relationships. (I understand it’s a co-worker in this situation). I find his perspective kind of bizarre to be honest.
Post # 11
Thanks for agreeing with me bees! When he said that it totally baffled me!!
Post # 12
Well, couples’ counseling has a not-so-great success rate–but that’s because usually by the time the couple tries it, it’s a last resort and the relationship is too far gone.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2012 - Vandiver Inn
To echo what some other bee’s mentioned – I think it’s circumstantial. Both parties have to be open and willing to go to counseling and progress from it, which unfortunately, does not always happen. The hubs and I went for about 7 months before we got married, for both specific issues and just general premarital stuff, and I cross my heart hope to die swear that it has saved our relationship, *and* made it so much stronger. Think of it like a check up or maintenance – you need to go to the dentist to get your teeth cleaned, you need to get your hair trimmed to keep it healthy.. some couples go to counseling to keep the relationship healthy. Sometimes healthier than those who never go!!
Post # 14
I know of a couple whose relationship it saved. The husband couldn’t have recommended it more enough.
I used couples therapy but went alone, but I was dealing with emotional abuse, a deal breaker.
I think it all comes down to the TYPE of issues a couple is having. Some ore deal breaker issues, some are communication problems, etc. Counseling covers all of those, so it’s hard to just say it works or does not work (or dooms it).