Post # 1
Hi Bees! I hope you are all having a good weekend so far.
I have been lurking on these forums for a while now and wanted a little advice or a bit of a pick-me-up.
I am turning 24 this year and I am feeling down about the prospect of finding the ‘love of my life’.
I have only every had one boyfriend, I was with my ex for nearly 3 years and since the breakup I have been feeling increasingly worried that time will run out before I find the man for me (my ex and I split over 12 months ago).
My ex and I were heading for engagement and marriage, however I knew deep down it wasn’t right. I had major trust issues with him due to things he had lied about to me in the past, I was becoming miserable in the relationship, he was very selfish etc. Since the breakup I guess I have been worried that my time will run out. My ex tried to get me back over the course of a few months, he continued to lie to me during this period and that’s when I decided that he most definitely was not the one. He has moved on several times and I haven’t even really began to truly ‘move on’.
Although I have been dealing with the breakup ok, I feel I am thinking of him a lot lately because I am worried I won’t find the one. I think I am confusing this worry for ‘did I do the right thing in letting him go’.
I don’t really know where these insecurities come from and usually it is just a fleeting thought, but I have been stuck in this mentality now for a few months and could really use some support xo
Post # 2
Returning to comment….
Given the the circumstances, I think you know letting go was the right thing to do. It is better to be alone now & find someone, than to be miserable and end it after many more years. 24 is not too old at all.
Post # 3
Needingsomehelpxo: You’re only 23 – you’ve got plenty of time to meet “the one”.
One of my best friends had a serious boyfriend – they lived together – from ages 19-23 and then they broke up (he was keeping all sorts of insane secrets about his past from her and had become really manipulative). She was devestated, obviouly, but given who he had become/secretly always been, it was a really good thing.
The year post breakup, she went on lots of dates to get ‘back out there’ (she tried online dating). Most of those were total duds, but one was not. Long story short, she was married to the new guy by 27.
Another friend didn’t meet “the one” until she was 30 and another friend until she was 36.
Any relationship that you are miserable in is definitely not “the one”. You did the right thing. You guys have been split for a year, so getting back out there and meeting new people might be just the thing for you to move on.
Post # 4
Needingsomehelpxo: Oh my gosh, you are SO young! I didn’t meet my future husband until I was 27, and we’ll be married when I’m 30. You have so much time to meet the right person.
As Dan Savage always says, “every relationship you are ever in will fail…until one doesn’t.” Learn from your relationship with your ex, dedicate yourself to being the best person you can be, and you will meet the love of your life. It’ll definitely take a few tries, but you’ll find him.
Post # 5
Oh honey. You’re so young. I didn’t meet my guy til I was 37, married at 38!!! You never know when it will happen, but better to be single than married to the wrong guy.
Post # 6
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a friend in a similar position as you and I keep giving her the tough love of “You’re young. You have all the time in the world to meet the one. Enjoy being with yourself! Love can’t be rushed. It happens differently for everyone.” And so on. And while it’s all true, I can’t fully understand and sympathize because I lucked out. I met my husband when I was 23 and we spent 5 wonderful years together before getting married at 28. I know it all takes time but these days people are getting married later in life and it’s not a bad thing. You want to be sure. 100% sure that he is the one. A lifelong commitment together should never be rushed so you should take your time.
Love doesn’t have a time limit and it happens differently for everyone.
All I can say is have patience and enjoy being single. Get out there and have a good time. Get to know yourself and what you want in a relationship so that when he does come along you’ll recognize him 🙂
Keep your head up.
Post # 7
Needingsomehelpxo: i had two boyfriends prior to my soon to be fiance, my two previous relationships were a 7 month with the first bf and 2 yrs of off and on terrible relationship that my older wiser self would have never allowed! My fiance( i suppose i can say that since we are just waiting for my custom ring to be completed so he can propose) i met when i totally was not expecting to meet anyone after three yrs of being single at 29, he is the best thing that ever happened to me so be patient and stop looking they appear when you least expect it! Enjoy “me” time and work on being your best self so that when you finally meet him he is not there to complete you but there to share a life with you!
Post # 8
You’re super young, and 12 months is not a long time to go without finding someone new after an important relationship. Rather than concentrating on finding a new relationship, my advice is to form some more specific goals: advance your career, move to a new city, travel, join this or that club, take this or that art class, say YES whenever people invite you to something (unless it’s the bad drugs my dear). If you do those things, you will eventually meet someone (more likely several someones) new you are attracted to, I PROMISE. And maybe eventually you will meet someone you want to marry, and who wants to marry you. But you will definitely have a richer and more interesting life than if you put all your mental efforts toward just “finding a new longterm relationship” at age 23.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I met DH, with whom I’ve been for 23 years now, at 26, after 2 failed relationships that really knocked me down. Even though is hard to keep going after a hurtful breakup, you must do it: devote time to love and pamper yourself, enjoy and take advantage of that alone time, don’t stress on finding someone new, just live one day at a time. One day you will find love and this obscure time will be a thing of the past. Many hugs and positive thoughts!!!
Post # 10
Hi Ladies. Wow! Thank you for all of the responses 🙂
All of you have really helped me see the big picture. At the end of the day, I know my ex was not right for me. He would often lie and by the time the rrelationship ended, I had very little trust left for him.
I I know I need to see this situation (being single) as being something that won’t last forever. My problem is that I need to be more positive, I need to believe that there is a kind, loving, trustworthy man out there for me.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all!!
Post # 11
Needingsomehelpxo: I am wondering if this might help you find your direction-
Also- I highly recommend William Bridges’ book The Way of Transition! Might also help you start to find your way. It helped me a lot!
Post # 12
Needingsomehelpxo: Trust me that a few years down the line (27, 29, 31 and so on), you will look back on this time when you were 24 and realise that what you think are good qualities in a man will change and you will be grateful that you didn’t get married just now because you’ll be looking for more solid qualities in a marriage mate than what you are looking for now.