Post # 1
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Ok fellow Bees I never knew that it was possible to be so happy but yet so confused. My fiance & I are engaged justover 4 months. We got the hall booked, the church booked and thats about it sofar. Our weddng is not until Sept 10,2011. We are now living together in my house.or as I tell him “our” house-along w/my 2 daughters (ages 8 & 9) and his 2 sons ( ages 14 & 17). The kids get along pretty well. so getting to me irritation is…
He has his house which he hasnt done anything with and may try to keep for his son. How can his son even attempt to take over the other house when he just doesnt want to even start a part time job now. Also my fiance has been telling me how he is worried about finances. The point of us moving together was to cut other expenses and help each other out. So one he still is paying in the house and 2 he is currently working 2 ful time jobs but promsed within the next year to either quit or go down to part time at the one. So as he continues to tell me how we can only do so much at a time due to finances……
He goes out to a gun show today and buys himself a gun for $700.00. Oh I was so irritated. I the type of person whom will not buy anything until other plans as far as wedding, etc are handlled – so with all the whining about finances then why get something thats not needed at the current moment.
Now where does priority come in at??? It makes me feel like crap knowing that money could of been used towards the wedding. I know he deserves stuff for himself but why that much? Why not after wedding plans are all done ?
When I confronted him he said he felt bad he did that but after a while & apparently a little “man bonding” with his fellow officers..He know has this atitude that he deserved it. I deserve alot too but gee whiz this isnt the time.
Post # 3
Member
46589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Have the two of you sat down and made a plan for your life together?
Many couples just slide into their life without having an honest open discussion about finances, goals, lifestyle etc.
I think it’s time to sit down, talk with each other , come up with a plan and agree on how you will handle finances- who pays for what, what sort of spending is acceptable without consulting the other person etc.
Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
It sounds like you guys should come together on a plan for your finances. It sounds like the gun purchase might have just been one event in a lot of other issues that is making you upset and often guys don’t see that. Make sure to tell him that this isn’t just about the purchase but also about finances in general and where your life is headed.
PS. I totally agree with you that a 17 year old kid that doesn’t even have a part-time job should not be handed a house (even if they have to pay rent). A house is a lot of responsibility and an apartment might be better for a kid that doesn’t currently know how to handle things.
Post # 5
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
I think a finance plan would help here…
With my husband, we put all our money together, but each have an “allowance” each week. We have agreed that we can do whatever we like with this allowance money and that way, some expenses do not need to be discussed together. So, the allowance can be used to buy small things, or we can save with it for bigger expenses that benefit only one of us.
It’s important to prioritize finances together, but being able to keep a certain level of independancy is healthy.
Post # 6
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
Yes, you need to have a financial discussion. A big one.
Generally, most couples (NOT all, but the most I’ve heard) have a system in which they keep separate and joint accounts and a percentage of each person’s earnings go into their joint accounts–that pays for all the “life” things: mortgage, car insurance, health insurance, emergencies, new home furnishings etc. And then they keep a portion for themselves as discretionary income, say if they want to buy a $700 gun. You might consider doing the same for your wedding–both commit to setting aside a certain amount each month. That way, you won’t be annoyed when he buys something for himself because he’s already contributed to wedding stuff.
As far as the house goes, the simplest thing to me is if your son’s not using it, you aren’t using it, and you don’t want to sell it, is to rent it out.
BUT in general, these issues seem symptomatic of larger communication problems about money, so I support what PP have been saying–you need to discuss what you want for your future, how you’re going to achieve those goals financially, and who is going to contribute what, when, and how much.
Post # 7
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I agree that a financial plan would be a good idea. For the house, I think that he should rent it until his son is old enough to decide if he wants it (he can’t legally own a house until 18 and he might not me mature enough to care for it then). For the other stuff, the two of you need to have a talk about priorities. My husband and I have joint everything and have ‘allowances’ that we can spend without discussing it with the other person. If you want to make a larger purchase though, you need to discuss it.
Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I agree with MissAsB, if he wants to keep the house for his son down the road that’s fine, but he needs to rent it out in the meantime to cover off the mortgage and utility costs at the bare minimum. His son sounds like he’s a far ways off from being mature enough to handle the responsibilities of home ownership. You may want to suggest that you have a sit down with your FSS as well and say if he does want the house he needs to get a job, save up _____ amount of money, and prove he can be financially responsible. It’s not like owning a bike. Maybe you could also get your FSS more involved in chores around the house to prepare him for his own house.
For the financial aspect, I agree with the other posters that you need to sit down with your Fiance and map out a financial plan. It sounds like Fiance is a hard worker, but a bit impulsive with his money. Even meeting with a financial planner at your bank would likely be a big help for you guys. Also, Google search “Til Debt Do Us Part”, it’s a TV show we have here in Canada, I’m not sure if it’s in the States. They have some really great worksheets, etc that may help you guys.
Post # 9
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@bakerella: Til Debt Do Us Part is on every Saturday night here on CNBC. She is so awesome and funny! I also recommend reading some of Suze Orman’s books. She really helps break down finances for you.