(Closed) Needing Advice Please…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m really sorry you are going through this.  I think your Fiance is wrong to be siding with his friends and this new business over you.  You guys are going to be married in a few months and his decisions now WILL affect you.

I’m a big Dave Ramsey fan and he is very anti partnerships with friends.  His thing is that if you can’t start a business up on your own, don’t do it.  Look him up online and see if you can talk any sense into Fiance.  What happens when one person can’t pay their share?  What happens when there is a falling out? – it’s tooooo risky, IMO.  Even with the BEST of friends.

It sounds like your Fiance will not budge on this and that’s what’s concerning.  I’d be flipping out on Fiance for being so careless , if I were you.  🙁   I’m so sorry.  I don’t think it’s right for him to say the ring has torn you two apart.  You are joining your lives together and that’s stressful.  He seems to want to carry on, as though he was single.  Are you guys doing any sort of pre-marital counseling or have someone that can help give you both some help to work through this?

 

Post # 4
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am sorry that you are going through this so close to your wedding. The only advice I have for you is that you two should be making this decision together. If you expect to have a happy marriage for the rest of your life you have to be a team, not seperates. Every decision each of you makes will effect the other so the best thing to do it talk this through. It sounds like you two need to sit down and discuss this rationally. It sounds like a majority of this decision and the comments were made in the “heat of the moment”. I suggest telling Fiance that you want to sit down and lay everything out on the table before a final decision is made.

Post # 5
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@oracle:  Agreed 100% with everything here.  

You’re a partnership already, regardless of how you divide your incomes.  FI and I combined finances for the most part, but still have our own money (that way I can buy new shoes and he can buy new video games with no arguments LOL), but any purchases over $100 we discuss FIRST.  When he wanted to buy a new TV, it was for both of us but he was paying for it from his private ‘stash’ we discussed it first.  If I hadn’t been on board with the idea, he wouldn’t have done it.  This is MUCH more than a TV, this is a monthly commitment of a LOT of money.  In this economy, there are very few businesses that could be started that would do well…it sucks but it’s true.  I own my own business, and it always seems like a good idea to be your own boss, but there is insurance, taxes, and a whole slew of other expenses that arise making that $600/month commitment double, and it will be at least a year or two in any business before you see a profit!  That’s just logistics of starting a business.  

Now, the fact that he has made up his mind and went behind your back to his mother tells me that this was a very selfish and childish act.  I’m not saying HE is selfish and childish, but this was.  Saying a ‘ring’ came between you, and that you don’t support him etc. sounds to me like a big temper tantrum.  I’m not suggesting you leave, you love him and have had 10 good years together BUT, you need to sit him down and explain that your partnership NEEDS to come before any others.  Marriage is just that, and if you can’t go into something willingly together, it shouldn’t be done.  To be honest, I wouldn’t support this decision either right now.  Like you said, the timing is not good.  I’m sorry Frown

Post # 7
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@September29Runner:  Starting a busness is a big deal that you both need to be on board with. There are so many things that come into play. I would def tell him to make it an LLC or Corp so that if anything happens, both your FI’s assets and your can’t be taken in case someone sues etc. Also, credit lines often require liens( I’m trying to think of the correct term) on home or personal assets. Who will be providing health insurance? Do you plan on buying a hosue soon? Many lenders want to see a start-up in business for 5 plus years before the will give you a mortgage. Business taxes would freak me out. They need to be prepared to pay otherwise your husband can be persoanlly liable. The IRS has just started having merchant services report income to them taken by credit /debit cards. I know a lot of small businesses that used to lie and not report all income and are now gonna be screwed. I’m glad we’ve always done everything by the book. I hope you guys can come to an agreement, good luck!

Post # 8
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He also told me that the “ring” has just torn us apart and things were so much better before…

His thinking is a little inaccurate. The engagement isn’t the issue, it’s the shift in priorities. I understand how, from his point of view, it appears as though “…ever since we got engaged…”, but the real issue is that while you two had a plan in place, he is making changes to that and hoping you’d back him. 

Of course you support your Fiance and it’s okay to say,”I completely support you and your plans, but I encourage you to give it some time.”

Also, I would be deeply hurt if my Fiance said that I was going to do something that he doesn’t support at all, and that I would be doing this all on my own. 

Post # 10
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@September29Runner:  Can we know a general idea of the type of business? Is it going to be a gym or fitness related?

Post # 13
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@September29Runner:  I was burned to the tune of 2 thousand pounds (about 3,200 dollars) by an ex roommate (and ex friend of FI).  I’ve had to live on my own, with Fiance working away, for over a year because of it.  I’m still pretty angry about it.

I would never get financially involved with a friend again. And to be honest, I feel he couldn’t have picked a worse possible time to start up a business.  I’d have a hard time supporting it as well. 

The topic ‘Needing Advice Please…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors