(Closed) Needing advice!! Tired of waiting and hurting. Kinda long, but thanks

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee

 

OP–was this simply a vent or did you ereally want advice?  Because I see you are resisting seeing what the Bees are showing you.  He Doesn’t Want To Marry You. You Will Never Come First.

Maybe you can live with it ~shrug~.  But at least take the blinders off.

Post # 19
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It would help to reconfigure your thinking: instead of seeing this as a second “failed” relationship…your first relationship was a success.  You successfully got out of (what I assume was) a bad relationship.  This is the same.  If this relationship ends…and trust me, I understand 110% how it hurts…you would have successfully avoided a not-awesome marriage.  I know your heart is breaking, but it also sounds like you wouldn’t be happy if you were with him for the rest of your life with no marriage.  I don’t think he will ever marry you.  I don’t say that lightly because I DO get that you have longevity…and I know it’s easy for me to say as an outsider, but would you rather be happy or in a relationship where you feel devastated every 6 months?

Post # 20
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

ktilton81:  he’s playing with you, love. Besides the fact that he literally SAID it to someone else, his back and forth actions show that he doesn’t know what he wants. And if he’s not sure he wants to marry you, he doesn’t. His behavior sounds insane. Don’t allow him to devastate you and your babies anymore. Drop him! 

Post # 21
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not sure what he has to do to convey to you that marriage isn’t going to happen. At all. Never. What will happen is that he’ll find someone else as he has done before. One of these times he may marry her, I wouldn’t be surprised. 

Your actions scream desperation. You are clearly the fallback option for this guy. The relationship hasn’t failed; it’s simply gone its course and is now it’s running on fumes. 

Post # 22
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Move on. I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said, but he won’t marry, and if he does, it won’t work out. Red flags galore. 

Post # 23
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Also, this may be a perpetual problem for you – the inability to recognize these types of things in relationships. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but take some time and work on yourself post-break-up. Books, therapy, learn about co-dependant behaviors, etc. 

Post # 25
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

He is just not that into you.

Post # 26
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

Get out now.

You say you are “crazy in love with him”.  Why?

He sounds like he is not honest and not loyal.  Why do you want to spend your life with someone that you can’t trust.

 

When people show you who they are – believe them.

Post # 27
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

texanlove34:  You are beating a dead horse here. He’s already broken his promises multiple times. He’s lied and manipulated you. He’s already disrespected you and your relationship repeatedly, and he’s already shown your children that he is not trustworthy by leaving. Is this what you want to deal with for the rest of your life?

He gets to make the mistakes, leave, be single and cavort with other women and then come back to you when his other options have dried up? What kind of life is this for you and your children and why is this what you want?

You deserve better. I would tell him to pack up his shit and leave so you can move on with your life before he is given the chance to lie, cheat and leave you again. This cycle will repeat itself until you are the one to break it.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 28
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee

texanlove34:  Have you NOT been reading the resonses of everyone who took the time to read and reply?  Everyone has the same thing to say–he’s not going to propose.  Stop wasting time on a guy who won’t commit.  The more time you waste with him lessens the time you have to find your true soul mate.

Post # 29
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I’m really sorry, but I think he is giving you the runaround.  If he really loved you and wanted to marry  you, he wouldn’t have booked that venue and then not follow through and he wouldn’t have moved out on you and left you high and dry like that and put you through what he did!  He is too wishy washy and will never be able to give you everything you want.  A real man will marry the woman he says he wants to marry, no excuses.  I would move on – for your sake and your childrens’.  They would want you to be happy and find someone that can be there for you and give you the future you want for you and your family.  He’s not the only fish in the sea so throw him back and find someone better!  I wish you much luck and I know it’s hard because you’ve been with him for a long time, but starting over can be a good thing as you are wiser now and know what you want.

Post # 30
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

What they said.

He does not love you.  Period.  The end.  If he loved you he would not be so deliberately cruel to you.  He will never marry you, and that is a GOOD thing!  You do not want to be married to someone like this.  Please do not wait for some arbitrary deadline to expire before you rescue yourself from this awful situation.  

You deserve someone who will actually love you for real.  Who will treat you well.  Who WANTS to be with you.  It is true that no relationship is perfect, but don’t use that to rationalize away how truly awful this relationship is for you.  My relationship isn’t perfect–he is way messier than I am, he takes forever to complete projects around the house after he agrees to take them on, and he forgot to do anything for my birthday last year.  (I have faults, too!  I’m just sharing my most major challenges with him.)  

Those are the things that cause me stress in my relationship.  Notice what is not on that list?  Leaving me at random and then coming back when he got lonely and/or horny enough to bother again (for a while.)  Promising to marry me and then making me cancel the wedding.  Texting with other women about his unwillingness to marry me.  Toying with my emotions as it suits him.  Etc, etc, etc.  I am not saying that to brag about how great my relationship is.  I am trying to point out that how this man is treating you is NOT what love is, and the sooner you get away from him the sooner you can work on getting into a healthy relationship where your “big problems” involve empty cans of sparkling water left goddamn everywhere!  

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