(Closed) Needing advice!! Tired of waiting and hurting. Kinda long, but thanks

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

texanlove34:  RUN! This is not good for you, this is not good for your kids. When a man wants something he will do everything he can to make it happen. Do not listen to someone’s words if their actions are not matching up. I went through the same crap with my ex for five years and he ended up cheating and it was a huge mess. My fiance now says he knew within months he wanted to marry me. He got a better job, got his own place, bought a ring, and asked. We recently booked a venue and almost everyday he says something along the lines of “I can’t wait to get married!” He also says in past relationships when he thought of marriage he was usually thinking “I am so not ready to be married to this person.” But with us he pretty much knew that he would do whatever it took to get me to say yes. THAT is the type of man you want to be with. Someone who actively seeks to please you and make you happy and enjoy you. 


I like this poem a lot sort of reflects what I am talking about. You should find someone who chooses you everyday and feels like they have won the lottery because of it! 

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda 

Post # 47
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

RobbieAndJuliahaha: Right, less than perfect is like we don’t like the same music or TV shows. Or maybe we disagree somewhat politcally. Not my s/o straight up left me with no explanation and is talking to people behind my back about not wanting to marry me period. 

Post # 48
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

texanlove34:  I absolutely know this “Feeling” this feeling is. not. love. I thought I was absolutely in love with my ex because I had such strong feelings about our relationship. He was my world. I was totally wrapped up in “us.” And that is what I lived a long time believing was love. But what it was in reality was an emotionally abusive relationship where I never truly knew where I stood with him. It was instead cycles of him leaving and then us making up. And it was seriously like an addiction for me. He was the center of my universe. This is not real healthy love. But it is an intense emotion. As strange as this may sound I was very fortunate to catch him cheating, when I confronted him with evidence (she had contacted me) he hit me. And I knew it was done, there was no coming back from that. And it was such a blessing because that allowed me to HATE him for days and only fueled me leaving. It will be harder for you because he hasn’t done anything truly atrocious yet. But it is really for the best. I will tell you that it is hard at first and then you will go through this weird euphoric period where you realize that all those worries and concerns are totally gone. And then it will hurt again but more of a dull ache and then you will see how much better you are without that in your life. I love my fiancé don’t get me wrong. But I know if he left it would hurt but I would be okay. But what I have now is security and trust and my life doesn’t begin or end with him. It is better because of it but I know I can count on him so it feels much less intense. In the beginning I thought this meant I wasn’t “in love” but instead it is what healthy love feels like. I just know that everything is ok, it is not the stuff of romance novels but it is what makes a good team and a good marriage. What you need to do is listen to “I can’t make you love me” and cry it out girl. Cause that is the situation you are in. 

Post # 51
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MissJulianna:  Sorry for the confusion I was agreeing with your comment. More correctly this should be OP’s  new anthem lol 

Post # 53
113 posts
Blushing bee

If you let someone treat you like a doormat that is what you will become. 

I know that is harsh, but this man is clearly toxic for you and your CHILDREN. He flat out told someone he doesn’t want to marry you. That would be the biggest insult in the world to me from someone who I thought I would have a future with. 


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