(Closed) Needing some advice ladies…I want to have a baby, but…

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It is such a personal decision and you and your husband seem to be on the same page which is so important.  I don’t think you’re ‘too young’ (even though I’m 12 years older than you!) but I do think that if I were in your position I would finish school and then have a baby.  That way you would have the best of both worlds – you’d still be a young mom but you’d also have a career that you could gain experience in while you get ready for a baby and one you could go back to once you’re ready to go back to work.  I don’t know from experience but I imagine it’s a lot harder to go to school once children have arrived.

Either way I think you’ll get lots of support here!  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

I’d say wait. A girl i know is about to have her baby she’s about 22 or 23. She got married and a couple of months later got pregnant. She just celebrated her one yr anniversary not too long ago. She had plans of going to grad school etc, and because of the baby she had to leave her good job and grad school on the back burner. Who knows when she will be able to go to grad school etc. Basically my point is if you’re ready you’re ready, but just know their will be great sacrifice if you have a child still at a young age. I’m 23 and omg I can’t imagine having a baby ahhh, but goodluck either way!!

Post # 5
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As a mom of a 20 month old, I would wait until you’re done with school if possible. It’s not as much of a money issue for people as it becomes a time issue. Babies = all of your time. Unless you can afford, and want, to hire a sitter to come watch your baby from 8-5 so that you can attend class and study well you WILL NOT be able to put as much effort into school as you should. 

I also wouldn’t say that you’re too young, but I do know a mom of a 1yro who is currently in grad school for Occupational Therapy and said it’s just really really hard to get in all of her studying w/o feeling like she should be caring for their little one. School is taking a backburner when it should be her focus right now. 

Post # 6
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with the PP. I would totally wait until you’re done with school… at least.

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My only advice is relating to school, I’d suggest (as I’m sure lots of us would) to finish it.  I have several friends juggling kids, husbands, school and they’re beyond stressed.  You are automatically spread too thin.  Your age isn’t an issue to me, though obviously you have plenty of time to wait.  I think I’d probably spend some time with my hubby first, travel, save some money, have fun, then plan a familiy.  But that’s just me.  You’ll do what’s in your heart and it will all ultimately work out. 

Post # 8
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would finish school first. You’ll have the rest of your life to have babies! Why rush!

Post # 9
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

As a 22 yr. old mom, I would say wait.. just a little. I love my son to pieces, and because of that a lot of other things have been put on the back burner. Trips (even little weekend getaways), school, my relationship even (to an extent), work etc etc, it all comes second.

I think that’s the biggest thing when it comes to kids, it doesn’t really matter how ready you are & whatnot, it’s hard to imagine the sacrifice until it happens.

And it does happen.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Post # 10
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You and your husband have to decide what is right for you. 

You guys should come up with a good plan to see how you would handle a kid.

If you got preggo now, you would have a baby next june.  You would have another year of school with a newborn.  Who watches the baby while your at school.  How will you handle studying etc at night with a baby around. When you do get out of school, you will have a one year old.  Can you afford for full time day care when you start your job? 

Also, just start up costs for a baby cost a lot.  We have decided to have a goal of having $5k in the bank designated for baby expenses prior to our first child.  I know that seems like a lot, but its a goal for us and hopefully we make it there.  We will use it for things like, extra costs for Dr. appts (just the co-pays will add up), labor/delivery fees, diapers for the first few months (until we get used to having that extra expense in our budget), buying furniture for a nursery, other big ticket items if we didn’t get them as a shower gift, day care start up costs, etc.  If we dont need all that money then we decided the left over will go towards starting an education fund. 

Post # 11
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree with @jennifer_espos. it’s not about your age, but i say hold on until you finish your program at school.

i’ve been working full-time and started night law school classes back in may with just four months left until our wedding… this summer was CRAZY busy. schooling is one of the main reasons that Fiance and i are waiting until we are both done with our post-grad degrees to start trying… once you have kids, your life is over, and since you are 21, why not save a lil money, finish your program, and then try when you’re settled into your life and have completed the things you want to do, without the fulltime dedication and commitment it takes to raise children.

Post # 12
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had my oldest when I was in school, I would highly reccomend waiting. Babies need so much time and it is really dififcult to balance the two.

Doing homework after you put the baby to bed and then being up at night, and then having to go to class, is such a juggling act. I am not sure what you have to do for school, but I am a nurse and we had to do clinicals in the evenings, sometimes I wouldn’t be done until 9 or so.

How does your husband feel about this, this is the most important opinion though?

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s a personal decision that only you and your husband can make. Only you know your time and money situation.

With that said I know how time consuming school  & work can be without a child and I cannot imagine how difficult it would be with one (kudos to all moms who are doing/did it!). It sounds like if you choose to have a baby then you have a strong family support system and hopefully they would help you out (babysitting etc) so you can finish school.

Also I think it’s stupid when people tell you that you are ‘too young’ I think some people mature faster than others so you really can’t gauge when to have a child strictly by age.

Sorry, I’m not much help…Good luck!

 

Post # 14
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You said money isn’t the greatest right now for you guys….I would wait until you’re more financially ready. The way I see it, it isn’t fair to bring a child into the world to have to struggle to have the things he or she will need. I have been thinking about kids a lot and came to the decision I won’t do it until we have more money in the bank. I don’t want to scrounge up quarters to buy diapers if you know what I mean? I would rather be a younger mom too, but I do want my kids to have the best life so I’m putting it on hold til I can give it to them.

Post # 15
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

If you can choose, I say choose to wait until your schooling is done. It would be both beneficial to your time management, and also you will have accomplished your education and it will be one less thing on your list of things to do in the future.

OVERALL, in my opinion, it all depends on your maturity level. I personally have a friend who gave birth when she was 21, and she is a much better quality parent than another friend I have who gave birth when she was 28.

If it feels right, don’t let anyone tell you that you are “the wrong age” – I believe age actually has very little to do with it, because maturity and responsibility are not necessarily reflective of the year you were born. In addition, I also believe, if we all had the choice of a “perfect time” to have a baby, there would never be a perfect time – life just happens.

Post # 16
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I completely understand where you are coming from, because I want a baby, too, and have even been doing the same math regarding due dates (I’m Maid/Matron of Honor in two weddings next summer.)

The only difference is I’m 29. And there are still some things I want to do before I have a kid. I know it would be possible to do them while I had an infant, but it would just make it that much harder. So I’m going to try and get a few goals under my belt, and then go for it.

This is a decision that only you can make. You might be the kind of person who can reach all of your goals (like finishing school) with small children in tow, you might not. You most likely do have lots of years of baby-making ahead of you, so fortunately your biological clock isn’t as big a part of the equation as it is mine.

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