(Closed) Needing some support, please

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well things are broken sometimes because it IS broken.

You said you miss him, but are here on a wedding site and lamenting possibly you’re not yet engaged but your bff is.

Here’s my thoughts.  Go and meet new people.  I got the best dating advice ever from an article I read.  I was divorced, late 30’s, and stats were about as good getting eaten by a great white shark or hit by a meteor of me ever remarrying.

What I did was simple.  I mixed up my routine.  Instead of going to my usual places (think starbucks, dry cleaner, grocery store, sushi restaurant) I went to different places regularly.  The advice was do the same things you’re doing, but do it at DIFFERENT places, which puts you in front of 5xmore people than before.

And the other bit of advice was to always look your best when going to do the usual things but at the different places.  I used to schlep around after work in my scrubs all day in no makeup and no hairstyle at all.  So I just tweaked the hair and makeup.

One night a girlfriend had invited a few of us to go out for sushi for her birthday.  I decided to suggest a different sushi restaurant (a slightly bit closer to town, meaning downtown ATL) and in that night waltzed my (little did I know then) husband!  He asked me “hey what’s that roll?  Looks good!”

So that’s my advice to you.  Get out there.  Do what you’re doing but do at different places and do it while trying to look somewhat good (at least have nice hair and makeup, I still wore the scrubs!).

Worked for me!

The guy (your xbf) sounds like he wouldn’t have been a good long term partner, as he didn’t work and obviously your parents had issue with him.  You are missing the way you feel in a relationship..

Spring is on the way and so is summer.  I’d get out! Go to art museums, exhibits, the zoo, fun events, and do the same old things, but tweak the location.  Just have fun and sooner or later (who knows?  Maybe at your bff’s wedding?) you’ll meet the one you’re destined to marry! Just quit focusing on the marriage part right now!

Wish you well.   

Post # 4
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh and the article said not to focus on meeting guys, but meeting FRIENDS.

After all, friends always have friends who are guys too!  So it’s a win/win.  More friends equals more nights invited to more events.

Just get out there and live life and have a blast!  No worrying over what xbf is doing b/c your future is calling and you have a date with it!

Post # 5
363 posts
Helper bee

I can totally relate to what you are describing, honestly, I’ve been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.

Believe me, it only takes the right one.  We don’t know who the right one is, it might be your ex, it might be someone else.  The only thing you can do in the meantime is to take care of yourself.  Go out, do things you enjoy and remain open to meeting men.  Soon you’ll be doing all YOUR wedding planning Wink.

My heart goes out to you.  Good luck! 

Post # 6
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry you feel that way. I’ve had many heartbreaks and one similar to yours. We had been together 2 years, and I loved him so much. My family liked him but thouht he didn’t have enough drive in his life. After we broke up I was devistated. So, I got myself back into musical theater to meet new friends and do somethiing that I love and makes me happy.

I dated a few people and had some heartbreaks  but I always made sure I was being me and doing things that made me happy. My Fiance and I met at a country bar where I loved to line dance. I wasn’t wanting to date anyone at the time so I just didn’t worry about what would happen, and it just happened.

Their is someone out there for you, it may be your ex, it may not.With my experienceevery relationship got better and better until it was the best. And now my relationship itself gets better and better.

Just do the things that make you, “You” the things that make you happy and tht make you smile. “The one” will just come along at the perfect time.

Post # 7
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

okay this is going to sound weird… but it works… cry…

take a weekend off (or 2 or 3 days, whenever you can)

stay in your house, in bed… listen to your songs, that you used to listen to together….

allow yourself to mourn the loss.  I put up a front for 5-6 months about 21 years ago when my bf of 2 years broke up (took a break, just like you).  then finally, i took a weekend, i didn’t answer my phone or anything.  I stayed in my house, barely ate, barely drank anything.  and that was okay.  All i did was listen to “nothing compares to you” from sinead o’conner among other songs, and i bawled… omg, in the fetal position BAWLING…

but after that 3 days…  i felt well.  like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  That allowed me to move on and marry my husband now of almost 18 years.  He is also married and I can truly say I am super happy for him.  We are friends on Facebook and everything.  It hurt soooooo bad. 

but its amazing how that weekend helped me… then whats funny… this is absolutely hand on the bible truth…  he wanted me back after my “healing” weekend.  about a couple weeks later.  I was able to say “no, you had your chance”  I SWEAR that is true.

so mourn the loss, its okay to be sad and cry.  in fact, it will help you move on and be healthy for someone else… someone who deserves you:) 


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