(Closed) Needing to be more independent?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Several years ago, I found myself newly single & utterly alone.  I ended up volunteering at the local SPCA and every Saturday, I’d get a shelter dog & go for a 3 mile run.  It was a wonderful experience for me, for the dog, and it helped keep me in shape.  If there’s a volunteer organization in your area that does work that you can be passionate about- go for it!

Also, I started playing rugby again (hadn’t played since college) and this is actually how I met my Fiance.  I have a competitive streak, love being active, and rugby in general has a very tight-knit kind of community.  Find a sport you like or want to try & see if there’s an adult recreation league.  Get out there, have a little fun!

Post # 4
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve always been kind of an introvert, so it didn’t bother me that when we were apart, I would hang out alone while he hung out with guy friends.  But, like you, I wanted to explore new hobbies and figure out what I enjoyed doing aside from hanging out with Fiance.

I ended up joining an improv troup that meets once a week and I go to the gym on my own.  It’s definitely nice to spend some time apart and have something to talk about other than work or mutual activities.

I say go explore your interests!  Join a book club or a meeting group at school!  You’ll be better for it if you find something you enjoy.

Post # 5
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I felt the exact same way a few days ago! 

I love spending time with my SO, and we try to do stuff together on the weekends since on the weekdays we only see each other for sometimes only half an hour!  When I have free time, I want to be with him. When I’m not with him, I miss him.  But lately I feel like I’m giving up most of my free time to be with him, and that I’m not seeing as much of my other friends and extended family as I should. 

It’s so easy to spend all your time with a SO. Your relationship to your SO may be like mine, where he is also your best friend, confidant, etc. But a SO can’t and shouldn’t be your “everything”. It’s so crucial to maintain your network of friends and family, especially if its just a matter of calling someone up and making time to schedule something. 

Focus on who is important to you, why they are imporant to you, and what you can do with the time that you are given (since work/school can be so draining) to reconnect with that person. It’s not that you aren’t independent, its that you’re placing more emphasis on one interdependent relationship than on others. 

I made a list of all my girlfriends, and extended family (aunts, nephews, grandmas, etc) that I feel like I’ve sort of floated away from recently, and reached out to as many as I could in a way that would be appropriate. I texted some of my girls and one of them is actually stopping by later tonight on her way to dinner with her SO. 

Of course, self-improvement and finding your own hobbies are also important, but I really felt the need to reconnect with these people to be my top priority. I can’t reach out to everyone I want and spend time with them the way I want to, but it’s a start right? 

Post # 6
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i definitely feel like this, i spend pretty much all my time with my Fiance, and don’t cope very well when we’re apart. i also need advice on how to cope and start focusing on myself and see my friends more

Post # 7
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Girl, you are right to want to get out more! It’s amazing how much it brightens even the best relationship when you have your own rich life to bring to the table. It’s hard to get out there if you’re not used to it, but I really reccomend it. Pursue those friends of yours! Just to give you an idea of the outside life I have, I’ll give you a quick rundown in case it inspires you:

 

* I do weekly dinner parties with my main ‘group’ on Wednesdays. We rotate houses weekly, it’s super fun! I know it can be hard, but I really reccomend just asking your friends. They’re probably all feeling bad they haven’t been around much either.

* My best friend and I do dinner every Thursday. We both love Vampire Diaries, so we switch between houses. Some nights, I cook dinner at my SO’s house and the three of us will eat and watch together. Other nights, I go to her place and hang out with her SO. Great way to include them both! 

* Pick up a hobby or take a class. 

* Volunteer! You meet so many awesome people.

* Even try getting yourself a new hobby, even if it’s one you do at home. It’s amazing how independant you feel when you have your own “thing” 

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