(Closed) needs opinion on guy's weekend away

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You were both invited so there were no strange intentions there.  He wants to go and have a good time, you want to stay home.  There’s youir compromise.  I understand the worries about ATVs and guns but ultimately he is an adult and can pursue whatever hobby he likes.  He might even discover he isn’t interested in either activity afterwards (they are both very expensive hobbies.)  As for you being worried about his safety that is something that you have to deal with because again he is adult and there really isn’t anything you can do to protect him from the world 24 hours a day for the rest of your lives.  Trust him to be safe and preoccupy yourself at home.

My FH is flying to Texas on Thursday to visit family and I am staying home alone in our new apartment for the very first time.  I have horrible panic attacks when I am home alone for a few days not to mention, being completely unable to sleep!  As soon as he made the travel plans I called my mom to come down for a visit with my sister.  We are going to go shopping and watch a hockey game while he is out of town.  I am looking forward to spending some quality time with my mom and sister which will prevent me from getting too worried about my FH’s safety and day-to-day goings on during his trip.

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should talk to your doctors and work on getting your issues under control. By the way I hate guns and Fi and in laws hunt constantly.

As much I dislike it, I like the fact that they keep bullets and all guns locked up. They don’t go drinking and shooting, and they are responsible gun owners.I think the best thing to do is for your husband to ask and find out what precautions are being taken, and that they are all of the proper precautions.

You cannot have your anxiety dictating his life. You need to work with your doctors and professional for better coping skills. If he doesn’t’ own a gun then it’s probably rare that he go on these trips. So I say for one weekend you should attempt to do your best to let it go.

Post # 5
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@worriedmuch:   Could you still go and just not participate in the activities that you don’t enjoy?  You could do other things while you’re there. 

You may not even be the only person who’s going who isn’t that thrilled about the shooting, riding ATV’s part and have someone to hang out with.  You could watch movies, read books, do some of the cooking, etc.  That way you’ll be there with your husband each night and know he’s safe when he comes back.  It seems like a solution that may give you less anxiety.  Is that an option?

Edit to add:  I’ve done both of those things and, meh, nothing to get too worked up about if these are responsible, mature people you’re talking about.  Honestly, driving in traffic every day is a thousand times more dangerous.  But if you don’t like it, you don’t like it and you shouldn’t have to do it.  But your hubby has a right to try and see if he would like it.  Don’t make a big deal out of that part, because that wouldn’t be fair to him.  Trying new things is a GOOD thing, ya know?  So try to understand his side of this, too. 

If you don’t want to go at all, then plan some fun things for yourself while he’s gone.  And don’t worry, he’ll be perfectly safe!

Post # 7
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Any chance that some other SOs will be coming that aren’t interested in these aactivities and will want to do other things? 

Maybe hiking?  Baking?  Vineyarding?  Then you will be close by and you’ll know that he’s safe and sound.

Post # 8
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@worriedmuch:   That makes perfect sense to me.  However, keep in mind that you are not the only person in this situation and in this marriage.  His feelings count just as much as yours do.  You can’t expect someone to hold themselves back from trying new and fun things just because their spouse has an anxiety issue with it.

Say my husband wanted to try jumping out of an airplane (he won’t, thank God) and I was afraid to.  Would it be fair for me to try and prevent him from doing something he wants to do simply because I’m afraid to?

Just try to also see this from his side.  I can certainly see yours.  I’m pouting because my darling husband is going away on a three day golf trip soon and only the “guys” are invited, not us wives.  Poot!  But, still, I want him to go and have fun and I’ll just go shoe shopping, lol.  😉

Post # 9
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I second the recommendation to talk to a doctor to get your anxiety under control. I don’t see much of a compromise. He isn’t doing anything unreasonable.

Post # 10
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BeachBride2014:  I second this. Even if I didn’t like the activities that were going on, I would still go just to have peace of mind. You are going to hate that it is going on regardless of if you are there or at home, but at least you can be there and know your husband is safe 🙂

Post # 11
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@worriedmuch:  I get how you feel. I would have him text in the morning and before bed, just to make you feel a bit better.

Realistically though, unless they’re going to get ridiculously drunk, nothing bad will happen. I am sure he has a good head on his shoulders. Most people have a self preservation instinct and are careful when it really matters. He won’t turn into something he’s not, and especially since he is new to these hobbies, I am sure he will be paying extra close attention and not taking it to the extreme. Usually when accidents occur with these types of things, it’s because people become careless because they’ve been doing it their whole lives.

I would at least suggest he wears a helmet while ATVing, though.

I am sure it will be ok. These activities in and of themselves aren’t *that* dangerous. My uncle died when he went fishing… because he was a) drunk b) just ate a lot and c) refused to wear a life jacket. He drowned. No one would think a fishing trip was dangeous, though, right? Freak accidents can happen anytime, anywhere… and as hard as it is, we have to try to not live our lives in fear.

Post # 13
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sunfire:  +1


If it were my husband, I might be afraid for him too, but what can you really do? It IS unfair to ask him not to do it at all.. I mean, they’re a little dangerous, but there are lot of precautions that can be taken. Trust him to keep an eye out and be safe 🙂 

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