Post # 1
The Background: So, I got engaged in September to the PERFECT guy. He’s from Scotland and I’m American. We’ve been together for 2 years, but we lived outside the USA. Since moving to America in September, and we have been trying to get him a VISA. Our lawyer said the best way to do this was to get our Marriage License before the wedding. This would speed up the process by over 1 year. So we did a small ceremony with our parents, but we are keeping it quiet. We will still have our Wedding Ceremony and Reception planned for June, just like it was before. Both my fiance and my parents, siblings, and pastors completely support our decision.
The Problem: I asked my (15year senior, unmarried) cousins to be in the wedding, and she was really happy. Then I told her in confidence that we already were legally married. Now, she has done a COMPLETE 180. She keeps making hurtful comments about our wedding saying we are lying to everyone and we are making her lie, too. I asked her to keep our legal marriage a secrete but she told all her friends and my uncle. I keep trying to meet her half-way and understand where she is coming from, but she just keeps being saying opinionated things.
I won’t let this hurt our family by “firing” her as bridesmaid, but I just don’t know what to do. She is really hurting my feelings, and I can’t imagine letting her act like this to me on my wedding. What do I do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I think she’s being completely unreasonable. Why don’t you tell her exactly what you told us: how she’s hurting you?
Post # 4
I’m sorry that you have to deal with this and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone, especially not your cousin. Since you don’t want to cause problems in the family I would maybe try to give her an out. Maybe go out to lunch with her and say something along the lines of that you understand where she is coming from but you and your fiance are happy with your decision. That you are both really looking forward to the reception and celebrating with everyone that you love. Also that you were so excited to ask her to be by your side on this special day and that if she doesn’t support your decision then you will understand if she doesn’t want to be in the wedding party anymore.
Hopefully she will either feel guilty and stop being so rude, or just drop out of the wedding party and miss being in such a fun wedding!!
Post # 5
I think it’s very hard to try to keep your legal marriage a secret. Every new person you tell increases the chances of all of your other guests finding out. So I think you might have to live with the fact that a lot of guests will know that you’re legally married.
Maybe you can give your cousin an out by saying something like “I’m so sorry you feel like this wedding isn’t real because we’re already legally married. We, our families, and our pastor feel differently, but you’re certainly entitled to your opinion. If you want to step down from being my bridesmaid, I would understand. But if you do want to stay in the wedding, I would really appreciate it if you could stay positive and supportive.”
Post # 6
I agree with danadelphia, I would tell her that she is hurting my feelings. Not quite sure why she would even care honestly. It is not like you had to tell her, she would have never known. When a friend/family member tells me something that they do not want others to know, I feel honored that they put that much trust in me.