Post # 1
I wrote this whole drawn out, detailed message about this awfully hurtful thing that just went down between me and a friend… Although writing about it helped get it off my chest, it started to make me feel worse. Plus I’m super sensitive about this and fear being judged.
Basically, I’m dealing with a single friend who I love dearly but is depressed. She’s super lonely and has a poor friend picker. Her other friends don’t listen to her or constantly break plans with her. I’ve told her that my life is different and can’t spend 2+hours on phone every day (we don’t live in same time zone).
I’d still like to know how bee’s deal with needy friends, friends who don’t behave in a passive agressive manner when you try to establish boundaries, friends who lash out when you try to help (help they’ve asked for).
Thanks in advance xo
Post # 3
Oh man that is rough. I had a friend like that who I used to talk to every day at lunch. I eneded up having to say no as well because I didn’t have time to talk to her every day and basically listen to her complain about things when I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
You really just need to be firm with her. Honestly, it sounds like she needs help since her other friends don’t do anything with her.
Post # 4
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Thanks for your response. That’s exactly how this friend is. I feel so bad sometimes because I know how awful it is to not have any one there for you but I don’t appreciate her turning that around on me later. She’s able to take personal calls at work and could call me back one time I was having a rough day, she will throw that in my face on the reg.
Agreed on the being firm. Setting boundaries is so hard- I’m working hard on finding the middle ground between people pleaser and cold person.
Post # 5
I don’t know the rest of the story, but obviously, yes as previous poster said, be firm. You can feel badly for her, but you can’t allow her to overcome your own life. You are busy, happy, and need to be allowed to continue to be so.
If it’s easier, try to schedule an amount of time that is reasonable to you so that you do not lose touch, are still able to be there for your friend. You can only control you. So if talking once a week is what you can do, make that clear.
Again, I don’t know the story so I don’t know how willing she may be to try this, but encourage her to try a social event, like a hiking club or a book club, or some other meetup group. Getting her to meet different people, perhaps better than the other friends (aside from you) that you say she picks, may help her out. Again, that may not be something she’d go for, but you can feel free to suggest.
Good luck with this.