Negative And Critical Partner

posted 2 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

That sounds awful.  I would just do what I want to do regardless of what he says.  You need those things, period.  If you have separae accounts and your money is not considered community property by law, I don’t understand why you bother to ask his permission.

Post # 3
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Is his negativity always tied to money or is he also critical of things most would find minor? (eg. color of your shoes, food served at someone’s party…)

Post # 4
4439 posts
Honey bee

Why do you keep on having kids with him? He is never going to change. You need to decide if you want to expose your kids to his toxicity full time. Their self esteem will be so screwed up, not to mention their relationship norms. I would not subject my children to that.

Post # 5
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017


View original reply
@bm222:  is your part time job the one you wanted to do with the cruise/trips bookings? From your past posts it looks like you’ve had issues with your husband for a long while, and included him accusing you of cheating at one point? Maybe it would be a good idea to seek counseling?

Post # 8
4439 posts
Honey bee

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@bm222:  I just reread your post history. This is textbook abuse.The good times are the act, not the norm.

Eta: I was your daughter. I promise you that the sooner you divorce him, the better for her.

Post # 9
8256 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just 4 months ago you posted about your H not understanding, wanting you to give up your life. What has changed? He still sounds misogynist and assholian. What are you looking for posting your abusive stories multiple times in this forum? 

Post # 10
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Is there a way to talk to him about this?

Babe, your critical comments towards me need to be outweighed by positive comments. I can take some criticism but I need more positive comments than negative ones. You are being very judgy and critical lately and it’s unlike you. I don’t know why you are so negative lately or where the happy positive you went but I’d like him back. This isn’t a conversation it’s not up for discussion these are my feelings.- Then walk away or say it before he is going somewhere or before you are leaving the house. Give him time to think about it.

Then when he is critical just say, babe, positivity.

His reaction to you talking about this would tell me all I needed to know to see if this was a situation that could be improved or if he is tearing you down and abusing you until one day you don’t recognize yourself and finally get help. I have had friends in relationships like this and they didn’t leave till years later when it escalated to physical abuse and then to physical abuse of others in the house.

Post # 11
87 posts
Worker bee

Is he critical with your child as well? My dad is like that, everything I do he has a comment about how I’m doing it wrong. As I got older I just have to stand up to him and tells him to keep it to himself. I’m kind of lucky that he was working away loads when I was growing up, but I think it really would have done a number on my self esteem if he was around all the time.

So I think you need to consider how his negativity will impact on your children as well. He needs to either keep it to himself or you’ll need to somehow shield them from his criticism.

Post # 14
4439 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@elodie2019:  this is terrible advice. Have you read her other posts about him?

Post # 15
9160 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sometimes kindness is telling someone something they don’t want to hear or aknowledge.

Your husband is controlling towards you. That is abuse. You may not be ready to hear it but it is not judgement for others to point out that fact.

Please go to therapy on your own. And be open and honest with the therapist.

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