Post # 1
So, I am seeking a little advice from you bee’s 🙂
I have a good friend who is def. an acquired taste. She has somewhat of a negative disposition but I haven’t really noticed how deep it was until I asked her to be a part of my bridal party. She is one of those people that has a million negative/mean things to say about others but can’t take it if it’s shot back at her. Her and I have never had an issue but I’ve witnessed her treat others this way. It almost ended our friendship a year ago because quite frankly i do not care to be associated with someone who gets a kick out of being mean to others and humiliating others and arguing and just enjoying drama. But to the meat of the “real issue”…..Since I’ve asked her to be a part of my wedding her negativity has now been directed towards me. It’s really starting to annoy the heck out of me and I almost regret asking her to be a bridemaid. She has something negative to say about everything and everything leads back to her and what she likes. I feel things building and I really feel I need to address it but I know she gets very defensive and I’m sort of apprehensive to have the conversation but I feel if I let it go on, I will end up blowing up on her eventually.
Some examples of the things that are annoying me-
My colors are purple and have been since forever! She made a comment, “I don’t like purple and I don’t like the way I look in purple!” Three days later she post pictures of her at a wedding in a purple dress. I was confused but blew it off and just made a mental note.
I was looking for a rehearsal dinner place close to the venue and found a hip Latin/Cuban restaraunt..the first thing out of her mouth, “You know i don’t like Mexican food right?”
Me and my other bridesmaids found a dress that we all really like. I sent it to her and her response, “I don’t like it! I hate the bow!”
We were scrolling through pics of me on my computer for my wedding website…she clicks on a pic and then goes on a rant about how fat I am!
I have yet to address any of her ridiculous antics but I am soooo tired of her negative attitude and complaints.
Am I over reacting?! How should i handle it?
Post # 3
I have had a friend like this. She was like a huge vaccuum, sucking all of my happiness out of me. My life is 10x better since I cut her out of my life.
IMO, a friend who goes on a rant about how “fat” you are deserves to be kicked to the curb. It’s one thing to be a little negative, it’s a whole other animal when she is stooping to insulting you. If you’re wanting to end the friendship, I’d just tell her you’re not interested in being friend anymore. I have a feeling an attitude like this will only hurt your happy day!
Post # 4
Life is too short to have “friends” treat you so poorly! I’d say it’s time for the friendship breakup conversation….
Post # 5
@Mrs. Mensah: I also “had” a friend like this lucky for me my pending engagement ended the friendship….she was so negative and tactless in trying to insult my ability to select a partner and suggest i was rushing (ive known Fiance for 15 years) that when i wouldn’t let her ruin my happy i think hes going to pop the question news, she accused me of not being open enough in our friendship and ended it…. so i got out of having to make her my Maid/Matron of Honor or even inviting her to my wedding…I did make the mistake of asking a friend we have in common who has since taken on complaining, and being pushy over the colors etc. So my solution was I stopped “asking her” and started telling her what I was doing tthen i used wedding planning as my excuse to take a little distance I decided i’m not dealing with any negativity on my day if I could boot her out I would but there isn’t really a tactful way to do that short of the Bridesmaid or Best Man doing something heinous… I think the easiest thing is to accept that the wedding is mostly about managing people weddings bring strange behavior out of people… and be prepared to move on from the friendship after the wedding …no questions will be asked most people are aware when they are being inappropriate
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re over-reacting. I think its ok for a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be opinionated, I’m always dying for mine to share there opinion rather than being yes-women to all the decisions I’m stressing over. But her delivery is TERRIBLE. It’s good to have someone that’s honest, but in the situations you described, she just sounds mean.
Have you tried to have a conversation with her about her ‘approach’?
Post # 7
This is a violation. Being a bridesmaid is an honor, and one that she should accept graciously. I’m not sure why she doesn’t understand that you’re not planning your wedding to please her tastes, but rather you’re planning things because you like them. Maybe all this comes from envy, but to me it just sounds like she’s a jerk.
I mean, come on. Just about every bridesmaid ever has worn a dress she despised, either because the color, the fit, or the style was just not her taste. I’ve done it, and my perspective is if the bride wants to pick a dress that isn’t flattering, she is the one who is going to have to look at the wedding photos forever, and that’s that. It’s the bride’s day, and nobody is really going to be looking at the bridesmaids (for long) anyway.
If I were you, I’d tell her (in a joking but not really joking kind of way) that she should start making a list of what she’d do differently for her own wedding, but to let you call the shots for yours. Or that she shape up or ship out. You need support during this time, not constant criticism.
Post # 8
With a friend like that, who needs an enemy??
Post # 9
Negativity is the last thing you want around you on your wedding day… I would really consider asking this girl to step down, you don’t want to be worrying about that when you’re supposed to be getting married!
Post # 10
Friend dump!!!! She called you fat?! Hells no!
Post # 11
Toss this girl out of your wedding and out of your life! First off, if you are being good to your BMs, they have no reason to treat you this way. You only get this expierence once in your life and it should be a happy occasion all the way through. If she is dampering this for you, she in no way should be in your wedding. The people who are in your wedding should be supportive and helpful and present their concerns or dislikes in a tasteful manor. She shounds like she is jealous and just wants to make you rmiserable without being super obvious and being accused of being so. I have had a lot of crappy friends like this in my life that I kept around way too long. I was afraid to go through the process of kicking them out of my life but goodness was it worth it! To this day I wonder why I waited so long to do it!
Post # 12
Uh, I was like “Oh it’s not TOO bad” when I was reading your post. Then I got to the part where she called you fat. Screw her – give that bitch the boot.
Post # 13
I had a “friend” like this too. Always putting everything around her down and literally making a happy day quite miserable. I have since ended the friendship and it was the best decision I have ever done. She’s a hot mess! The best thing you can do is talk to her about it and let her know you’re at the point of not wanting her in the wedding to disrupt your day. see what her response is and then go from there.
Post # 15
Before you toss her, sit her down and talk with her. You would be amazed how little self-awareness some people have, and I’ll bet you she doesn’t have a clue how she comes off. I had a friend for years who interrupted people constantly. Finally a few of us got together to point it out to her, and she was floored. She had no idea that she was doing it – it had just become a habit she didn’t notice, like biting fingernails. She did start to work at not doing it anymore (although, like any habit, it took a long time to kick it).
If you’ve been friends with her despite her negativity, I’m going to guess she has some really good qualities. I think it would be worth it to talk to her, and if she gets mad and drops from your bridal party or ends the friendship, well, at least you tried.
Post # 16
The girl called you fat???!!! :-0