Post # 1
Anyone in your 30s gotten negative comments about getting married? This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, yet i’ve had some people (nobody that close to me thankfully) say things like “i thought you’d be single forever”, “its about time you’re getting married”. Umm, I’m 33 and in no way do I think I’m an “older bride”. Its a pretty normal age to get married in my opinion. Yes some brides may get married at 22, but i don’t think 33 is over the hill for a first time bride. I always thought the 20s AND 30s was the normal age for first time brides. When I think of “older brides” i always think of those who are over 40.
Oh, and my absolute favorite “if you want have kids you better start right away”. I love babies and want one badly but I don’t think i have to start right away. Yes some women may have fertility issues, but not everyone does. I’ve also gotten people surprised that i plan to have kids. One former coworker of mine said “i didn’t think anyone would want to have kids at your age, cause you’ll be so old when they graduate from high school” and goes on to say how great it is to be a younger mother. I could’ve said something about how at least i wasn’t a teenage mother who couldn’t even support my kids financially like she was, but of course i’m not going to be rude like she was. Really do people even think before they speak.
Post # 3
I’ve had the comments about kids and being old when they graduate high school but no comments about being old to be married or any of that. I’m 38 🙂
Post # 4
Don’t be too worried about people’s comments. I was 26 when I got married and still got the “It’s about time!!” in ADDITION to “You’re too young!!” We’ve been together 12 years. People just look for comments to make, they don’t think about feelings. Let it roll off your back. =) Congrats!!!
Post # 5
I haven’t gotten catty comments about getting married, but I have had someone tell me the line on having kids. She has her own fertility issues though, so I think this was more from her personal experience than being catty.
A lot of it does depend on the dominant culture where you live. I’ve lived in cities where people get married relatively young and people who marry at an older age.
I think the best response you can make is that you’re happy you waited until the right guy came along. 😉
Post # 6
The baby comments really get to me cause in no way am i letting my age stop me from being a mother. Being a mom has been my lifetime dream and i refuse to give up that dream. I don’t care if it takes me til my mid 40s i will have a baby whether thats through fertility drugs, surogacy, adoption, or naturally conceiving. It also depends on people’s own life circumstances. My grandmother had my mom and aunt at 36 and 38 so i don’t think its so odd to have a baby older, plus i live in the city and a lot of my social circle women have babies older. A coworker at one of my previous jobs had her one and only child at 42. I definitely know the risks but am willing to take them and i really resent people trying to talk me out of having a baby. Women are having babies later nowdays and i really didn’t think the 30s or even late 30s was “too old” to have a baby. When I think of “too old” to have a baby i think of late 40s, definitely not mid to late 30s.
Post # 7
The average for first time marriage where I am until recently was 30, so I see nothing abnormal about this… my close friends started gatting married around the 27+ mark, so I’m not sure you’re abnormal at all…
Post # 8
One former coworker of mine said “i didn’t think anyone would want to have kids at your age, cause you’ll be so old when they graduate from high school” and goes on to say how great it is to be a younger mother. I could’ve said something about how at least i wasn’t a teenage mother who couldn’t even support my kids financially like she was, but of course i’m not going to be rude like she was.
Well, then, there ya go. I’m sorry, this is a clear cut case of her feeling resentful about being trapped, and envying you for doing things the right way.
And about this:
Really do people even think before they speak.
No! They don’t! LOL
I would chalk this one up to the mindset of people who have never been anywhere or done anything.
This is more of a reflection on them, their teeny-tiny brains and their lack of perspective than a reflection on you.
I didn’t meet my DH until I was in my late 40s. None of my friends or family made those comments to me — at least not to my face, haha!
As far as brides go, you’re a spring chicken compared to me… hope that makes you feel better!
Post # 9
@Allie99: I am 31 and no one has said anything like that to me. Maybe it has to do with the area you live in or the education levels of the people making the comments? Educated and accomplished people tend to get married older. Anyway, you are definitely not an old bride and those people are being rude. I am sorry that they have offended you. So far as kids go, the risk for a lot of complications goes up at 35, so that is probably what they are referring to in a very rude, unhelpful way, although you have not asked for their input. I agree with you that it is far more respectable to be an older parent that can support their children, than to be a parent who has kids before they can afford them, barely gets by, and/or lives off the government. You are lovely just the way you are. Don’t let negative people rain on your parade. This is your time to enjoy being engaged, happy, and in love!
Post # 10
Where do you live? Almost nobody bets married before age 30 where I live in the Bay Area, and 33-38 is much more common. Move here! 🙂
Post # 11
I live in Alabama. I just married (for the first time) at 34. My friends have been married for years, passed their childbearing period, and some are on their second marriages. A few people did tease me about marrying “late”, and I’ve been bugged at work about when we will have kids (which, due to health reasons, may not be possible for me) so that stings more than the marriage” jabs.
It doesn’t matter when you marry. Sometimes it just takes while to find the right person! I’m glad you have.
Post # 12
Not in real life. It’s considered a normal time in life for a woman to marry, among my group.
Only on the bee did I discover that apparently I’m an “old crone”!!! lol!
Post # 13
Ugh. People can be so stupid sometimes. I’m a few months away from 33, and this is my second marriage. Nobody has said anything but wonderful and gracious things to me. Some people just need a filter attached to them or someone screening what comes out of their mouths.
Storytime…Fiance is 50. We received a beautiful engagement gift from one of his oldest friends. Mother of pearl and silver photo frame that would work so perfectly at the sign in table. However, on the card, the friend (woman) went on and on about how LUCKY he was to FINALLY be getting married AT HIS AGE and how I would have a lot of TRAINING to do since he’s such a LONG-TIME BACHELOR. This was months ago. To this day, he still can’t bring himself to write that thank you note. I’ve been shopping for a different picture frame to use for the reception.
Post # 14
Yes!! And I found I got most of these comments from brides who were young when they were married (around 21/22). I thought that was interesting. I had someone ask me how I could “party” through my whole 20s. “Isn’t that a long time to be just partying?” I was like, uhh, i was in college, law school, and trying to do the right things. Not exactly partying!
I think those kinds of comments say more about the commenter than you! Congratulations!!
Post # 15
I’ve had nothing but positive comments about my upcoming marriage. No negative comments about my age either and i’m in my early 30s
Post # 16
Yes most of the comments were from those who married very young. Many of the negative comments came from girls i knew in college who were all married and had babies before they even started college in their 20s and most came from very small towns or the country. Another rude comment i got was from a coworker i worked with during my christmas season job. She was 18, and her mother was 36 (do that math), so in the world she lives in i guess it is different to have a child later. However those who have been supportive have been people i go to church with in MY community in the city. Most people at my church are educated, middle class to wealthy, and many many started families later. I used to teach preschool at that church and the “young moms” were the ones in their early to mid 30s. One of my preschoolers mom (who was a doctor) had 3 kids and she had them at 40, 42, and 44!!!
I also hate the stereotype that if your single you must be partying. That was never my kind of lifestyle. Never once did i go to a club. I went through college, worked various jobs, was active in my church, and truthfully my single years were some of the lonliest years of my life.