(Closed) negative comments from friends about engagement

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I disagree. I think your friend is extremely jealous you landed a good looking Swedish guy with an awesome accent (I mean, I haven’t met someone from Sweden I haven’t like yet).

It really is sad when people are mean spirited, but I would just ignore their pettiness and talk more to the people who are excited for you! When the Fiance and I got engaged some of our friends were jealous and said everything from I must be pregnant (BIG negatory on that one) to we ran into money trouble and HAD to live together (again, very far from the truth). Just remember you found a wonderful man and you know it is real. Their comments won’t hurt as much and in fact, you will think of them as silly in the long run.

Oh and come on WeddingBee a lot! Everyone here is so supportive and positive. I love it here. **HUGS**

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Welcome and congratulations!!

That is very unfortunate that one of your friends is saying negative things about your engagement. Everyone has opinions and a lot of them come from jealousy. Think about it: If she were a true friend and felt this way, she would come to you privately and express her concerns instead of saying it behind your back.

My friend recently said to me that weddings are the least expensive way to find out who your true friends are. I totally 100% agree with her. It’s the biggest and most important event in your life and you will see people show their true colors by the effort or lack of effort they make for you. It’s been a real learning experience for me!

To her point though, is that something you’ve thought about? I’m not trying to pretend like I know your situation at all, but it’s a legitimate thought that people who love you will have. Just like when girls get engaged really young, most people don’t support or understand the marriage since it’s smarter to wait. You might want to at least have something thoughtful to say in response to that kind of comment since it will most likely cross peoples minds.

Post # 5
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i think shes jealous too!!

for us, about 90% of people were THRILLED for the engagement. i had 3-4 friends who made negative comments about it. for example, we went ring shopping together and actually booked the venue before we were officially engaged (it books 12 months in advance, we wanted our date!) and that’s where most of the comments stemmed from. one girl even made comments about both of those things, and still continues to say things on occasion, three months later (and shes married too!). my “friends” who have made comments are either jealous or are unhappy with their own situations, and you know what i’ve FINALLY realized? suck to be them!!!

welcome!! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Maybe it isn’t jealousy, but some kind of spiteful feeling is behind this. That is a real shame, and I’m sorry you are facing this.

Your courtship is relatively fast, but given your age, it does not seem abhorant to me. Many of my older friends have gotten engaged and married faster. It’s just more common to know what you are looking for when your life is more established and you have experience.

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is a hard situation to be in. I’m in something similar, but not really. 

 

Although their concerns might have some ground to stand on, my biggest qualm is that they haven’t approached you directly about it. Someone who truly cares about you, and is concerned (possibly not knowing the situation or your fiancee well) really should be talking to you about it. 

Post # 9
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m going to agree with the jealousy comments – despite the fact that she’s married, she sounds very jealous to me!  And with the two of you being a little older, the speed of the progression of your relationship doesn’t seem off to me.  And besides, sometimes you just know. Smile

I also had a friend who would always make comments like “I don’t even know why you’d want to be married now.  You’re so young!” (I’m 23 so its not like I’m really young – I’ll be over a year out of college by the wedding – not an uncommon time to marry).  Or my favorite was “You know, I know so many people getting married now.  I’m sure most are going to be divorced in 5 years or less.”  This was said to me not long after I got engaged.  Umm, thanks!

She is so clingy when it comes to boys though and I KNOW she’d be so excited to be engaged herself (despite the comments above).  I know she’s just jealous that I’ve found such a good catch!

Post # 10
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I can totally see how that would be hurtful, I would feel the same way! Like moderndaisy said, you really do find out who your friends are when you’re planning your wedding. 

It sucks bc sometimes, those that hurt you are the ones you most expected complete love and support from.  I’m really sorry that happened, it’s no fun for anyone…

But on the positive side, being engaged can really help strengthen or develop bonds with friends whom maybe you were not as close to beforehand…

Good luck, congrats on your engagement and welcome to the Hive!

Post # 11
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

First, congratulations!!!

And, second, maybe she said it jokingly, and the person that told you is jealous.

Since she is and old friend, I would just talk to her about it, and let her know you were hurt by the comment. I am sure she didn’t mean it in a bad way.

Post # 12
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well, I didn’t exactly LOSE a friend, but I definitely don’t talk to her as much as I did for various reasons (and I won’t hang out with her anymore). She is pretty upset she isn’t invited to the wedding, but she started dating my ex a few days after we broke up and she wants to bring him. What? I don’t think so!

When we got engaged she said “Well at least you found a good man. Even if he isn’t as great as <ex> you had your shot!” Yell

Actually those two had been flirting and texting behind my back (well sort of, I knew what was going on). When my Fiance and I started talking, that is when I decided to upgrade to a man who actually wanted to be with me. Oh and for what it is worth, she goes on and on about how great their relationship is, but he flat out refused her proposal, so I can see why she is jealous.

Some people just can’t be happy, but I agree to talk with your friend. Maybe it was meant as a joke and the messenger didn’t get the joke part. At the very least maybe it will give her an opportunity to apologize and smooth things over.

Post # 14
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

weddings are HUGE drama starters! Women get jealous… even if they are married! However, I have some single friends who I can tell are jealous because they have been with their SO so long they start to wonder what is wrong with them. I actually had a friend call me bawling and asking why her boyfriend wouldn’t propose when they had been together 5 years… I really felt bad for her and she wasn’t jealous just more depressed. The majority of the people aren’t happy or depressed but are in fact happy that you have found someone who you love.

I sincerely hope your friend meant what she said and had honorable intentions behind her talking, but if it was really honorable wouldn’t have she just said it to your face in the first place? Sounds a little sketchy to me…

Post # 16
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@jamiemichelle—i had the exact same thing happen!! this couple ended up breaking up a month ago.

@nycbride10000—i also think her explanation is a little sketchy, but maybe she learned her lesson and will be normal from here on out 🙂

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