Post # 1
Very quickly, I will explain that I have not talked to or seen my brother in eight years. This is a decision I made for myself and my personal mental health eight years ago. The decision was not made out of anger or spite, so please don’t give me your opinions about my relationship with my brother.
I will just say that my relationship with him growing up was extremely negative and that he is a destructive person. He was/is destructive for my family. My parents see him and communicate with him because they feel they need to as his parents.
Anyways, he is not invited to my wedding. I do not know if he knows that I am engaged. I have asked my parents to not discuss the matter with him, but some extended family may have told him.
I am growing concerned about how my extended family will react when they catch on to the fact that he is not invited to the wedding. I am conflicted as to whether I should tell them directly or if I should let them just catch on over time. I have some extremely nosy aunts and I can see them being in my face over this. The truth is that they do not know all the details about how awful my brother was during my childhood. My fiance wants to stick up for me (very sweet), I want to stick up for myself, and my mother says I don’t owe anyone justification for this decision. Advice?
Anyone else experiencing issues like this with family members?
Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post!
Post # 3
I would just let your close family know that they should talk to anyone they are particularly close to about it, if you feel like the information should be shared w/in the family. You shouldn’t have to broadcast your troubles, but keep it as low profile as possible. Good luck! I nearly flipped out about family stuff and decided to invite the person I didn’t care for, but thankfully the feeling is mutual and they declined the invitation. I can’t completely relate, but maybe somewhat.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re in this position. 🙁 Things like this are no one else’s business, IMO, but family members always want to tell you what to do.
We had the exact same thing with my brother – not just because of our negative relationship growing up, but because he’s a thief and I didn’t want to chance it with our guests. My family kept pushing, but I stood firm. It made some people upset, but it wasn’t their choice, and I calmly told them as much.
Turns out, he’s in prison again, so it doesn’t matter anymore. I had an easy out, which was good. But IMO, you should just not tell your family members (I only said something when mine asked, then later regretted it) and just try to avoid the conversation altogether. Easier said than done, I know.
I wish you luck with this, I know how stressful it can be.
Post # 5
Thanks for the responses ladies!
Laylabelle, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am fine with the fact that we do not have a relationship, but others (family) really seem to judge me for it. They have never been directly told that I intentionally don’t see or talk to him. You would think that after 8 years they would have picked up on the matter, but they all seem to persistently question me about how he is doing , if I have heard from him etc…
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I have some sticky family situations myself and I know how much it sucks! Honestly, you need to do whatever you need to do for YOU. You don’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. Surely your family would have caught on by now if you haven’t had contact with him in 8+ years.
GL and (((hugs))).
Post # 7
I totally understand. They know we talk sometimes, but certain people in the family (especially my gma) still have a sympathetic streak for him and just don’t get why I wouldn’t want him there, or in my everyday life. I think it’s something we’ll have to deal with the rest of our lives and people just aren’t going to get it. 🙁 Best of luck to you, whatever you decide. I know it’s not easy.
Post # 8
you cant stop people from having their opinions and being total PITA’s in voicing it but i can only suggest that on the day, you will be very busy and focused on your wedding/groom that hopefully anything said/thought will not come near you – if they do, just walk away because you do not have to explain yourself to them
goodluck and heres for a happy day
Post # 9
i can soooooooooooo relate but if your extended family knows your brother at all it sounds like they would know his behavior and probably could figure out why he isnt invited. I think if you say anything to them before they ask you it will just bring unnecessary attention to the situation. im so sorry you have this to deal with 🙁