(Closed) Negative friends

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your friend sounds extremely self absorbed and selfish. If you’re good friends, can you call her out on that? Like “yes, i’m planning ahead, but calling my future child a brat is offensive.”

Post # 5
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have a few select friends who basically live in fear of the day i call them and tell them i’m pregnant. (i’m not even trying yet).  Literally, i have one friend that every time i call her is like “so, you have news for me yet?” and it’s not because she’s excited, it’s because she’s dreading it, and is awaiting the inevitable. She was the same way about getting engaged, but once it happened she calmed down.

But i try not to take it personally, because i realize that for some people, their good friends taking momentous steps (getting married, having kids) makes them feel like their lives are inadequate in some way because they aren’t there yet. 

Your friend’s response was VERY immature, but try not to let it get you down. I can’t give you advice from the other side yet, but it seems to me that friends like that will either change their tune when you are actually pregnant or they’ll fall behind other more supportive friends as time goes on.  It’s a little sad, but also a part of growing up!

Post # 7
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

As a PP said, she’s self-absorbed and selfish.

I don’t think you can expect others to react that way, unless they also, like her, tend to make all conversations to be pretty much about themselves only.

You might want to help guide her to being less self-focused in conversations with you (enjoy that uphill battle, but worth it if she really means a lot to you) or maybe distance yourself and wait for her to mature. Some people never do, but many people do go through a self-absorbed phase… usually a teen thing but some are slow to grow up. There’s no harm in waiting. I do think that as long as she’s in this (hopefully temporary) phase, she’ll be useless as a support and have more irritating things to say, when you’re pregnant.

Post # 8
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

In all seriousness she was probably joking. It is very easy to misunderstand people via the wonders of the internet. I would highly recommend calling and chatting with her about it if you feel that she was being negative.

My best friend is having a baby in April (we aren’t even considering TTC right now) and I tease her about leaving me behind, that I better have a baby soon or she’ll forget about me etc. Her and I both know that I am beyond excited for the little peanut and I support her completely. Heck I’m even throwing her a baby shower!

Post # 10
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My best friend got pregnant for the first time when I was still single and not even dating anyone.  I’ll be honest: I was a little bit sad because I knew it would change the logistics our friendship.  I wasn’t so concerned about being left behind, per se, but it’s a bit of a buzz kill when your best friend can no longer meet you for dinner and drinks on the spur of the moment.  I was much sadder when my other very close friend moved overseas because the logistics were even worse (and no kid was involved).  I like kids, and my husband and I are planning to have a family, but kids are not so interesting when you are single or a DINK and want to enjoy adult activities.  As much as I am happy for friends when they have kids, I also know that people only have so much bandwidth and I will lose part of my friendship with them.

Now I am much closer to being on the other side of the fence, and I still worry about how my friendships will be impacted when I have a kid.  The difference is that I will also get to experience the upsides to having my kid.  My friends will only experience the downside of a reduced friendship.  It’s just reality.  It kind of sucks.

Post # 11
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

IDK how to answer this as I’m the only one of all our friends w/o kids.  I guess that has to do with our age…Darling Husband and I are in our 30’s.  My fear is that when we do “finally” get pregnant and have a LO that since I’ll be at least 37, I’ll hear nasty comments about being Advanced Maternal Age.  Or that since they’ve all been there and done that, everyone will be telling me how to raise my kid.  

 

Post # 13
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Your friends needs to realize that is more than her in your friendship.  I don’t think it was right what she said.  Totally unnecessary, but unfortunately even good friends can say the wrong things.  When i told my bff that i was ttc she said “oh finally i can’t wait for you to be as miserable as i am with a kid”…..believe me that was last thing i wanted my bff or anyone to say to me.  I ignored it.  There wasn’t much i can do anyway.

Post # 16
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@artichokey:  Hate it for sure and you are right it does show how others are unhappy on their own situation.  Again, not must you can do or say about it right?

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