(Closed) Negative MIL help!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

She’s jealous. Or she’s just mean. Ignore her. There’s really not much else to do.

Post # 4
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Ask your fiance to speak up for you. He should ask his mother not to make you feel bad. What does he say about all this?

Post # 5
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your fiancé should say something in my opinion. He doesn’t have to be rude or anything, just say hey, this is what she wants, leave I alone or something. That’s very unfair of her! Try to ignore it!

Post # 6
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that your fiance should talk to her.  If you’re paying for it and planning it, why should it matter to her?  It sounds like she might be a little jealous.

My FMIL is the opposite- we’re eloping and she wants a wedding.  If you would like to trade MIL’s for awhile, we might all be happy!

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I dont think she is jealous but your type of wedding is something she doesnt value/think its wasteful and its her being rude by constantly talking about it is what would annoy me. Its perfectly ok to have different opinions but not ok to constantly try to convince you that her way is better

As she seems so free to give you her opinion i think its time for you to start speaking up for yourself!  Next time shut her down with “Yes you have stated this before but it means a lot to me so we are planning the wedding we want”. Time to put momma in her place

On a side note, this rarely gets any better after marriage so if youre having mommy/FI issues now, expect it to continue when you are married and ask yourself, do you really want a 3rd person in your relationship?  I think you and your FI need to talk and agree on where the boundries are

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LuckyBamaBride:  Simply do NOT talk wedding plans in front of her.  For what it’s worth I’ve gotten my fair share of “If it were ME I’d just do it in the backyard…”  “If you weren’t having it THERE you would be able to invite a lot more people.”  The list goes on.  You gotta learn how to let this shit roll of your back.  Don’t play into ti… If she makes a comment, don’t even address it!  Ignore it, change the subject.  Fingers crossed she will get the hint.  If it persists and really bugs you, your FI needs to step up and tell her to knock it off.  “Mom, it really upsets LuckyBamaBride when you say these things, so please stop.”

Post # 10
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s jealous, if she doesn’t want to be positive and supportive I wouldnt even mention it to her anymore she doesn’t deserve to know and she is only going to continue to be negative. Sorry your going through this stay positive and dont even discuss it with her, 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Some people believe that whatever choice THEY make is the right one and thus others are somewhat foolish (or worse) for doing differently. It can happen with your wedding choices, religious beliefs, politics, child rearing, and even whether you call it soda/pop/coke. Next time she says something, tell her it is hurting your feelings–she has made her opinion known already so further comments are just hurtful and not productive as you are running your own life and your FI is in agreement with you…then your FI needs to back you up.

Post # 12
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@ssttpp:  I agree. Turn off your ears around her.

Post # 13
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club

Honestly, I’d just stop talking about the wedding in front of her, period.  And if you are with her and she brings it up just say “its a good thing you aren’t paying for it, then!” (sweetly obviously). 

if that doesn’t shut her up, its time to talk to your FI and make him realize her comments are hurtful and unnecessary- he should be sticking up for you

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

My concern isn’t about her, but about FI starting to talk like her. If you’re discovering that he sounding more like her – how’s that going to be years down the line? Not to mention … why is it that you are the only one paying for the wedding? What about his contribution? If you guys aren’t on the same page now, what other differences in family views are going to come up in the future?

Post # 16
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Jeez, with a small wedding like that, you really couldn’t even possibly be spending a lot of money. I agree with PP, don’t even talk about it. Its funny, most FMILs want the big wedding. I will probably be haveing the same problem in a bit: my mother will want a back yard event, and my FMIL will want the Ritz. Sigh.

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