- 8 years ago
I’m 35 and will be 36 in July. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years in June. I am sick of waiting. I’m scared because I am so hurt and angry and I don’t know if I can get back to the way I used to feel.
About a year and a half ago, I asked my boyfriend if he could see us getting married. I was ready right then and his response was that he wasn’t ready yet and he wasn’t 100% sure that’s what he wanted. I probably should have left then, because I was ready and had been for awhile too. Anyway, I stayed because I loved him and couldn’t see my life without him.
This time last year I started Mr. Bee’s plan and I also got several books on the subject of “waiting for him to marry you” or “how to get a proposal,” etc. I followed all of them and while they didn’t get me a proposal they seemed to work. He did start talking about marriage quite a bit, down to details of whether I’d be willing to be a stay at home mom. I made a deadline in my head of October. I chose October because we were going on a 2-week trip. I figured if he didn’t ask by the time the trip was over, he was never going to.
He didn’t ask during the trip, but all along the vacation he kept telling me that he wanted to get married in various ways. (I didn’t bring any of it up.) When we got home it was obvious that I was heartbroken and so I told him why, that I thought he was going to ask on that trip. He got very emotional and told me that he planned to but wasn’t able to buy the ring and pay for the trip at the same time. He told me then, that we’d be looking at the holidays (this year) for a proposal. Maybe it’s my fault but I asked him not to do it on Christmas.
I’ve had a couple freak-outs since then where I cry and ask why he hasn’t proposed yet and every time he says, “he wants it to be special when he asks, and that he doesn’t want it to feel like pressure when he does.” The problem is, I can only keep my mouth shut for about 2 weeks to a month at a time.
This last time, I promised myself I would give him time to do it. I did keep my mouth shut for a month and a half. It was really hard. Last weekend I unleashed and it wasn’t pretty. I yelled and screamed. I’ve never yelled and screamed at him. He didn’t say much, but when he finally did, (a couple days later) he told me that he had no doubts about us, that he really had an idea how he wanted it to go, and that he loved me.
Hearing that he had no doubts got me excited. I even started to kind of plan the wedding in my head. I crashed again two days later though and I can’t seem to pick myself up out of this one. We are going on a trip again in April and I really wanted to give it until then, but I don’t know if I can. I’m so upset at this point and so angry with him… I mean he see’s how much it has hurt me, this isn’t exactly new, it’s been a year and half that I’ve been WAITING, I just don’t know if I can stop being angry. I feel like maybe even if he asked me right this second, without waiting,that I’d be pissed and couldn’t say yes.
Sorry for the long and negative post. He seems so sincere when he says he’s going to marry me, but then he never DOES anything. I keep thinking he’s planning it and then in various ways I realize he hasn’t planned squat. I’m 90% sure he hasn’t bought the ring, he’s had the money, for sure, since December. He’s the type that would buy it the week before he asked, he does everything last minute, but to me, I feel that if he doesn’t even have the ring yet, well… this must be not a big deal to him and he’ll get around to it when he gets around to it.
He’s the type that spends so much time planning things that they never end up happening. That’s the way he is with everything around the house. Girls, I need your help and suggestions before I go crazy.