- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
We have to fly to see both my family in MA and my ILs in CA. I’ve been in grad school for the last 5 years, so this has limited our income and therefore our ability to afford flights. Our families know they can visit us ANYTIME. Seriously. We have a very comfortable guest room and my ILs have come to visit many times, about every two months. My parents have visited us 4 times in the last 5 years, not including our wedding last year. Granted, my ILs are retired and my parents still work full-time.
My mom puts tons of pressure on me to visit them for family events, birthdays and holidays. However, my parents came to our house for Thanksgiving, which was HUGE. My mom is the hostess for every holiday and it was a big deal for her to let me host her. But the first day of their visit, she set in on me flying out for my grandfather 90th birthday in February (today). I felt hurt in that she wasn’t appreciating our current time together, but agreed to go.
Because our budget is so limited, my parents offered to pay for me to fly (alone) out for the visit. I know a lot of people would say they wouldn’t want to make trips without their spouse, but this works for DH and I. His vacation time is more limited than mine and if we both went, we’d have to board the dogs, another extra expense that we can’t really afford.
To top this all off, I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. This week, I’ve experience intense fluctations in my emotions, normal for pregnancy, unusal for me pre-pregnancy. At 1am on Friday night, a few hours before I was supposed to leave for the airport, I just had this intense feeling that I did not want to go. I didn’t want to go to the family party, with everyone asking about my pregnancy. I didn’t want to be away from the home for the weekend. I think I’ve done really well holding it together during the week and being as productive as I can at work. On the weekends, I do find I need extra sleep and some time to myself. I knew that if I went on this trip, I’d be exhausted, physically and mentally. So I changed my ticket to a later date and have been dealing with the aftermath.
My mom has made me feel like I’m being so very selfish and she’s so disappointed. But this has lead me think: What’s reasonable? If DH and I were paying, we could probably fly to see each of our families once a year, but even that might be a stretch now that we’re saving as much as possible for the baby. If my parents offer to pay, should I always go? How often should our parents visit us?
What has worked for you for visiting family members who are far away? How has this changed with pregnancy and having a child?