(Closed) Neighbor has NO Boundaries…

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you just have to have a talk with her. Her fragility shouldn’t be your concern at this point. Tell her you need to work, and you need to sleep. Maybe bluntness is exactly what she needs. Sounds creepy.

Post # 4
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@whoa_its_ash:  +1, exactly this. It does sound creepy. She isn’t your responsibility and there is a difference between showing kindness and being taken advantage of. Point blank, I’d say, “we value our privacy and time alone together and we would appreciate if you didn’t just show up to our door without an invite.” You don’t owe her a detailed explanation about work or why you need her to back off. You would think she’d have the social skills to pick up on the cues to leave you alone.

This why I am friendly to neighbours, but not their friends. You’re a prisoner in your own house! Pity only goes so far – you need to enjoy your own life too.  

Post # 6
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ErinBlue:  Are you interested in being friendly with her?  If so, be firm, but say something like “If you want to stop by to chat, why don’t you make it between 5 and 7 during the weeknights so I can give you my full attention, otherwise I’ll be working or unwinding or spending time with my SO”.  Or say something like “You know, we could make a standing date on Tuesdays at lunch to catch up?”  

You may be able to curb her behavior without cutting her off, though you are certainly within your rights to do that as well.  

We all have rough times and it sounds like she has and maybe her creepiness is just desperation for someone to talk to.  If you want to be especially kind, perhaps you could help her find a support group for women who have lost a spouse or maybe the local parks and rec center might have classes she’d be interested in.  I kind of feel bad for her (not so bad I think her behavior is okay… it’s not!).. she seems lonely and desperate.

Post # 8
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

“Mrs. XXX, We are happy to help you on occasion, but only during the daytime. We will not be accepting any phone calls or visits after 9 PM. If you have an emergency please call one of your children or 911.”

Post # 9
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ErinBlue:  Good for you.  It sounds like she just needs some boundaries.  Also, I think when your life goes to crap (and really, we’ve all been there) you can lose sense of common sense and decency at times or become so self-absorbed you don’t realize how you affect others.  I hope she bounces back.. I dont’ think you “get over” crap like that, but I hope she finds a way to regain some kind of life for herself.

Post # 10
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

@ErinBlue:  It breaks my heart to see someone so lonely. 

That must be so hard! remind yourself that she has kids/family, and you are not one of them. even if they are all a bunch of deadbeats, she is their responsibility and maybe if you partially cut her off, she will start harassing them more. 

I like @stuckinwonderland:‘s advice: tell her that you are open to her calls during certain hours.  I’d recommend telling her that your privacy is really important to you, and gently suggest to her that she needs to ask her family for help. 

Post # 11
135 posts
Blushing bee

Sometimes…its okay to be a little rude. Remember that just because you live by her does not mean that she is your responsibility. If it was a needy big man would you do the same thing? dont let needy people affect your life. if you want to leave the lights on then do. dont answer the door if she comes by. that sounds harsh but i wouldnt put up with that!

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