Post # 1
So this isnt REALLY a wedding issue but it does affect our rehersal dinner so I’m posting it here. I can always count on the hive to help out with a problem.
So we just moved in to a new house in a new town and of our friends and family are coming to visit us for the first time for the wedding. We are planning a big bckyard barbeque for our rehearsal dinner. We are so excited to be hosting our family so we can show of our first home….We have been working super hard to make sure our home and yard look perfect…
Here’s the dilema….our next door neighbor’s back yard is DISGUSTING. You can see it from our guestroom window (where my parents will be staying), from our back yard, and from our patio….
I promise I am not exagerating when I say its unbearable!
They have a dog who is destroying their back yard….he tears apart everything in sight and they keep putting stuff outside for him to rip apart…just a few of the things out there torn to pieces are:
A large city issued trash can and recycling bin and their contents
The thing the hose goes on that wraps it up
2 plastic storage tubs
A childs swimming pool
A childs trycycle
A weed eater
A lawn mower(yes the dog is tearing this aprt too)
Several card board boxes
Last summer they let their weeds grow at least a foot tall and there is no grass left…I get it if you dont want to take care of your yard but this is crazy! We pay to live in a nice neighborhood with an home owners association that has strict rules but theres nothing we can do because the only ones who can see into their yard is us….so if the poa was to fine them, they would know its us who has called to tattle on them…They keep their front yard nice because they have to and the last time they got fined for something in their front yard they got PISSED and started accusing neighbors of calling the HOA on them….it was unpleasant to say the least…and we want to avoid a confrontation
So I just dont know what to do…I’m not friends with these neighbors (see my other post about accedentaly inviting them to the wedding) but I dont want to be on bad terms with people who live next door to me…
Im so sick of staring at the mess…
Just a note…part of the reason we bought out home was because ofthe view of the lake behind our home..unfortunately, to look at the lake, youhave to look past their back yard….view ruined…
How would you deal with this…?
Post # 3
I would just let it go. To me, it wouldn’t be worth starting sh*t with your neighbors.
Your guests aren’t going to care what your neighbors yard looks like.
Post # 4
Yeah, that sucks but really, none of your guests are going to be focused on your neighbors yeard. Really not a big deal.
Post # 5
You could maybe offer them money to clean it up or to hire it done. That might be the most likely to actually work.
Or if it is bad enough, you may be able to report them to the city. Our city has some laws on things like that, and you can do an online anonymous report. Of course it’s likely that the people will know it was one of their neighbors, but they won’t know for sure.
Otherwise I’d just try to ignore it. My neighbors let the side yard between our two yards (including sometimes on my part of the yard) get completely horrible with dog crap. I’ve asked them to pick up and sometimes they do, but most of the time they don’t. This is against the city laws, so I could report it, but so far I don’t. I did send them a letter with the city laws hilighted, and for a while it got better, but after a while they slacked off again.
Post # 6
@Jennlee: “You could maybe offer them money to clean it up or to hire it done. That might be the most likely to actually work.”
They would probably take major offense to this. Because you’re not only saying, “your yard is really ugly”, but you’re also implying it’s so ugly because they can’t afford to take care of it.
Post # 7
If you have a home owners association, you can report it to them…
Other than that, there’s nothing you can do.
Post # 8
@FutureMrsClayshulte: Maybe just explain the situation to them and see if they’ll get it straightened up. If not, I’d call the HOA (that’s why you pay them). When they moved into the community they agreed to abide by the guidelines.
Post # 9
Well you really only have three choices that I can see:
1. Have a grown-up chat with the neighbors, explaining how important this event is to you, and asking if they would do you a favor by tidying their yard so your guests can enjoy the view
2. Grow some bamboo or other tall, thick plants to block the view of the neighbors’ yard (which unfortunately also blocks the view of the lake)
3. Suck it up and don’t say anything
I suppose your fourth option would be to host the dinner elsewhere.
Post # 10
It’s their yard you can’t really tell them what to do. Taking it up with the HOA Is the only thing you can do about it. Can you put up a fence?
Post # 11
Oh boy, does this post take me back….the people that lived next door to my childhood home could give your neighbors a run for their money…they used to burn their trash, which it totally illegal and STINKY!! The patriarch of the family had not purchased a new pair of pants since 1972…and just used to leave them unbuttoned, unzipped, go shirtless and let his heaving, shiny gut hang over them…they had a dog run next to our property, where they would throw deer carcasses and let the dogs gnaw on them…
But the final straw came on a beautiful June day, we were having a bbq in our backyard, which was wreathed in 10 foot tall lilac bushes in full bloom, the pianist we’d hired was playing some light old fashioned tune, there were children making homemade ice cream with my Aunt Ida, ladies in white playing croquet on the lawn, some gentlemen under the cottonwood tree smoking cigars…and suddenly…it all came crashing down.
Over the top of the lilac bushes on the West side of the property, you see our neighbor, bare chested and bouncing on a trampoline, his mighty stomach quivering in the sun and he goes up…and down….and up….and down….the entire party went silent watching this horriific spectacle…even the pianist stopped playing and all that could be heard was the protesting creak of the rusty springs of that unfortunate trampoline, straining under the weight of this bulging man upon his descent….
Do yourself a favor, report those cretins to the HOA and if they ask, say you had one of the board members asking about your backyard and they saw the horror show that is theirs…
Post # 12
Why don’t you have a little get-together for the HOA board, or offer to host the next monthly/quarterly meeting at your house. Then once they are there, make sure they take a look outside (not sure if it’s warm enough to host outside in your area or not). That way, they take it upon themselves to get your neighbor to clean up and you can play dumb since you hosted them but didn’t make the report.
Post # 13
Thank you everyone for all of the advice! We do have a POA asnd I have no problem making a report except that they would know it was us because we are the only ones who can see into their yard and the HOA doesnt go looking over your back fence unless someone reports you….
I do like the idea of hosting the POA board members so that they just see it. I’ve been meaning to have some of them over anyways since they have had us over a few times.
I know I just need to stop being a coward and speak to my neighbor like a grown up except I know that SHE would not react in a very gown up way…I’ve seen her prior reactions to this kind of thing.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@FutureMrsClayshulte: Ditto inviting HOA board over for a backyard get-together ASAP so they can see it.
In the meantime you can however politely warn them you will be having company that day and you are apologizing for the noise in advance. If they are good people they will take that as a hint to clean up their backyard. But asking them directly without having a good relationship with them is typically not a good idea; it embarasses them and then they might retaliate.
Post # 15
@Nona99: that’s a hilarious mental picture
Post # 16
That is what the HOA is for. Or o plant bushes. Or bamboo in a trough so it doesn’t take over the yard but makes a lovely and fast growing wall.