Neighbors called 911 for domestic disturbance….

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That really sucks. I think you have a very good perspective on this and that you realize you need to learn to be calmer in fights.

I can understand your neighbours being worried, but if they really only heard 1 ow I think they should have stayed out of it. Or at least come to you later to ask you about it if they were that concerned.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well we had to call 911 for our neighbors once. I’ve been abused before so if I hear somebody scream out in pain and start crying during a fight I usually don’t hesitate to call if it sounds like they could be being beaten. I know when we had to call that time we could hear them fighting and it sounded VERY heated. We couldn’t hear anything they said though. The only thing that came through clearly was the cry of pain that eventually came through our wall. 

Your neighbors just wanted to make sure you were ok. I know it’s hard not to take it personally, but it probably sounded much worse coming through the wall than it should have. If they had been in any sort of abusive situation before they would probably be really worried for you too. A lot of times if people hesitate horrible things can happen.

 

ETA: I should also add that our neighbors were constantly fighting though. The arguments continued to get louder and more aggressive sounding over a period of months. 

Post # 5
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can see where it would be really inconvinient and probably embarrassing to have the cops called, but if you were in real trouble, wouldn’t it be nice that someone did something to try and help you?  Better safe than sorry, even if the neighbors did overreact!

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should examine how you fight if the neighbors thought it would have been a case of violence.  Is it really necessary to yell that loud? Could you benefit from taking a time-out to collect yourself before you discuss frustrating issues?

I’d also go speak to your neighbors and tell them that they were mistaken.  They could have meant well and been trying to help you– I know I’d rather err on the side of caution in something like that. 

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yikes, what a night!

As an apartment dweller who used to live next to a couple that fought a lot though, I can understand why your neighbors called the police.

Your neighbors probably couldn’t hear all the words, but could hear male and female voices yelling and then a female voice crying out in pain. Honestly that sounds like abuse or domestic violence.

I don’t think the police do anything with the information aside from note it in a file, so if they get called again they will see that they have been to your apartment before and had domestic disturbance reported before. Since this is the first time, everything should be ok. But if you keep fighting like this, and the cops get called more times, then the police may start suspecting your husband of abuse since there have been multiple reports from neighbors and many abused wives claim that nothing is wrong.

I think what you need to take away from this is that screaming matches really don’t solve anything.

Since you have a place to “get away” (i.e. the loft upstairs) maybe you can agree with your Darling Husband that if a screaming match starts/is about to start then you need to separate for a bit. One of you goes upstairs and one stays downstairs until you both cool off. 

Hopefully this will just be a one time occurrence and you won’t have fights that cause the neighbors to call the cops again.

Post # 8
Bee
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

If I were your neighbour I probably would have done the same thing (and have done the same thing in the past). When you hear people screaming, even if you have no idea what is actually going on, the thought that someone could get seriously hurt if you don’t do something is hard to ignore!

I’m in the better safe than sorry camp.

Post # 10
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As embarrassing as this is, better for you to be embarrassed than for women who are truly being beaten to not get the help they need, don’t you think? I had a roommate who used to fight with her boyfriend, loudly, all the time, and while we suspected it might be escalating past yelling, we were never sure and found out later that it definitely had, so how could your neighbors know? 

Also, the comment that your husband doesn’t look like the abusive type? That’s nonsense– not because your husband DOES, but don’t we all know that there are plenty of people who are abusive and don’t look it? My roommate’s boyfriend didn’t “look abusive” but he definitely hit her a number of times. He looked like a clean cut college student. 

 

Post # 11
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

They just wanted to make sure you were ok. Everytime someone posts about hearing a domestic disturbance everyone says “call the police, you might save someone’s life!”. They were just worried about you. You have every right to be embarassed, and no, you are not the only ones to ever scream and fight! It will be ok. Just be careful the next time you have an argument because you dont want any trouble. I honestly cant believe noone called the police on us when we had arguments in our apartment, I yell really loudly! What did your Fiance say?

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@DaneLady:  I agree.

I think I’d rather have the neighbors overreact than sit by and do nothing as they heard me cry out in pain. 

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beelady2:  Short bursts of yelling is one thing, yelling for an hour straight and hearing someone cry out in pain… that can be very disturbing to hear.

Also were you moving around the apartment while yelling, could they have heard furniture moving around as well and through someone was throwing things?

Post # 15
Member
9891 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The good thing is that neither of you were arrested and hauled off to jail.  The reason for the questioning from the police is they were observing you for bruises and signs of having been physically assaulted, they’re trained in what to look for.  Most likely it will be fine for you and Darling Husband, from the police perspective.  But, you are on record now as having a domestic violence call to your home.  It could just have easily resulted in one or both of you being locked up.  So, let this be a lesson to learn how to argue in a more constructive and mature way, without all the yelling, etc.  Not to mention it’s not healthy for either of you, it also disturbs your neighbors.  ((hugs)) Glad it turned out ok, but use this as an example of what NOT to do during an argument with Darling Husband from now on.  There is never really a need for yelling.  It can escalate into violence, even accidentally, it happens all the time, so don’t even let it get started.  ETA:  To answer your question, my Fiance and I have never raised our voices at each other the entire time we’ve been together, even when having a disagreement.  So, not everyone yells during a fight, not even close, and certainly not loud enough for someone to call the cops.  There are so many people who get abused it’s not something to take lightly.  Your behavior was not mature, although it was UNDERSTANDABLE, it was still an unhealthy way to handle a disagreement.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors