- 5 months ago
- Wedding: October 2017
We were at my bil’s last week and he said “omg I forgot to tell you, I have to sign some papers. They are taking things off of the iep” I said… they are? Why? He said “because he’s doing so amazing!” I asked him what was changing, what they were removing from the iep and he said he didn’t know, that they sent him something that he had to sign and send back.
I emailed my nephews teacher a few days later (I’ve been in contact with her a few times a month for updates on her end and updates on mine, I don’t know if that’s semi regular contact or regular contact, I have no experience with this)
I sent her the email, saying I was looking for some clarification on the changes that were being made because I wanted to understand why. I actually make sure to say “we” and “Sansa and bil” even though I’m the only one with questions. After I sent the email, I realized that I hadn’t seen his iep to begin with. I have his evaluation but I never realized that I didn’t have his iep until they wanted to make changes. I asked my bil for the iep and reading through it as well as reading the proposed changes, I understood better. I actually felt better too, they weren’t removing anything, they were changing what was on there already.
I emailed her a second time, explaining that I didn’t realize I hadn’t seen the iep, that this process is brand new to me, but I understood more after having the iep in front of me. I sent her my revised questions, if you will, after actually having the iep in front of me. I’m being good at cutting myself some slack on that one, I’ve never been through this before, and I’m not the parent so I get the paperwork second hand. It’s weird to me that I never thought to ask for the iep before asking about the changes, but I’m not beating myself up over it thankfully, I understand that this is all new to me
His teacher has been very receptive and very responsive to my emails and questions. She explained that the iep was being changed to make my nephews goals more attainable. That after meeting and working my nephew, his team got together and went through his iep and made some changes based on what they felt would be best for him. It wasn’t because he was completing his tasks and being amazing (though he is absolutely thriving right now), they are being more realistic to make sure he can meet his goals.
Actually, I mentioned the problems that we had with hair cutting, washing, and nail cutting in one of my prior emails. And they started to focus on those things, they were even able to cut his finger nails. Had I not said anything, they would not have done it, they had to draw up papers for my bil to sign to give permission for the nail cutting, after I explained the problems we were having.
I learned a few things from this first change… I’ve posted before about my conflicting feelings and that I struggle to accept that nephew is lucky to have me etc, etc. that’s a work in progress. All of the above is being added to my inner dialogue, they helped him with grooming because of one of my emails. They wouldn’t have done that without my input, so I’m adding this to my mantra in order to accept and understand that he is lucky to have me. (this is all detailed in previous threads when I was having a horrible time, it’s a work in progress and one of the main topics in my therapy sessions)
But I do know that I am the only one outside of the school that understands what is going on with his school and what they are doing for him. I think I’m starting to feel some pride in that…? If I wasn’t making an effort to maintain contact with his school, I wouldn’t know what they were doing for him. He gets notes sent home each day, but they seem a bit vague to me, I get a much more thorough picture going directly to the source. I still feel like a pushy pain in the ass a lot of the time, but the teacher always responds with detailed emails so I don’t believe that’s how she’s viewing me. I’m also thinking she sees the difference in communication (none from my bil and semi regular from me) and realizes that I’m the one trying to spearhead this process
I’m the only one who understands what they are doing for him (outside of the school) so that means I can give my nephew a voice if I think they are taking things in a direction that isn’t what’s best for him. This will be my new inner dialogue in my effort to not only wrap my mind around him being lucky to have me, but to actually accept that I’m doing a good thing for him. It’s common sense really but it’s a concept that I’m unable to grasp due to my own struggles, but I’m working on it