Post # 17
codepurple89 : I completely understand what you’re dealing with. I’m really close with my sister (who is militantly CFBC), and her reaction to my pregnancy was also not very supportive. It was hard, and to be honest it has changed our relationship a lot. I’m not sure I have any advice, but be prepared that you might find your relationship with this friend does change. Becoming a mother is a totally life altering experience. It’s kind of all consuming for at least a few months after they’ve born, sometimes longer depending on your circumstances. You will need people in your life who are supportive of your new role.
Post # 18
Your friend sounds like an ass. It’s one thing to not want to personally get married or have children, but to not be able to understand at all that other people want to do those things is ridiculous. And saying you can’t go to bars anymore? Is that all she thinks there is in life? She seems like a miserable person. Are you sure you really want to be her friend?
Post # 19
Well guys, we talked and it did not go well. In fact, it went worse than I anticipated. We were at my table and my cat was on her lap. She was putting him and she finished telling me what was new on her end. She asked me and I said “Well something big, actually! I’m pregnant!” And she just continued to look down at the cat and pet him. She didn’t say anything and I asked if she heard me. She said “Oh, you’re serious?” And I said “yes, I hope you’ll be able to be by my side through this!”
she then got up and went to the bathroom for about 5 minutes. When she came back she totally changed the subject. Wouldnt talk about, no follow up questions. Not even about herself. Conversation was awkward. As she was leaving she said “Congrats, I guess. Don’t be one of those people that tells me what fruit it is. That’s gross” and she left.
Sooooo that’s where we are. Feeling a little done right now.
Post # 20
“Don’t be one of those people that tells me what fruit it is. That’s gross” and she left.”
what does that mean? Like boy or girl?
Wait, no, this is weird behavior that I wouldnt suggest being aroudn if she’s this dismissive of such great news.
Post # 21
Why are you friends with such a miserable person?
Post # 22
Ok well…that was pretty awful. You say this girl is your best friend…has she been a good friend to you until this point? Because if this is just the latest in a long stream of instances of her behaving like a selfish asshole, then it is probably time to be done.
But if there’s aything here worth salvaging, I think you need to be very honest with her about how hurtful her reaction was. It’s okay if she’s privately struggling with how your friendship might be impacted by this big change, but as your best friend she should at least be able to hold it together for 10 min while you tell her this news, and not be a complete dickwad about it.
Post # 23
ladama : I think she was talking about those apps that tell you how big your baby is and they use fruit and vegetables for reference
Post # 24
She was a very good friend until I graduated college in 2014. That’s when A lot of big changes in my life happened . I went to grad school, got engaged, graduated, got a full time job, got married. With every big development in my life it seemed like she was more threatened by it than happy for me. She always had some comment about how it was going to affect the friendship.
Post # 25
- Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard
Sounds to me like the friendship has finished its course. It’s possible to be anti-kid and anti-marriage and still be happy and supportive for your newly pregnant friend. What a horrible selfish way for her to react. I’m sorry. She really sounds like someone who lacks empathy.
Post # 26
Yeah, friendship over. You don’t need someone negative like that in your life through pregnancy and parenthood. I’m so sorry, but time to cut your losses and move on. I would have kicked her out of my house for that reaction and said good riddance right then and there.
Post # 27
What an awful response! I’m sorry! Sometimes friends even best friends grow apart. She’s going to drift away and it seems like it was only a matter of time.
“Don’t tell me what fruit it is, that’s gross” would indicate that she doesn’t want to be involved in this happy part of your life.
It’s normal to ask pregnant friends how big the baby is and if it can hear and if they can feel it kick. I legit ask my pregnant friends their weekly updates, what does the app say they can do this week! What is she expecting the two of you are just supposed to ignore the biggest thing in your life at the moment the fact you are pregnant and growing a human.. and talk about what her life and the weather.
Hugs bee, letting go of friends is hard!
Post # 28
How is her life going? Is she single? Does she have a history of bad relationships? How about career wise?
I’m asking because usually people who are not happy for the successes in other people’s lives and are negative about them are jealous.
Post # 29
Is she really your best friend if she can’t get excited for something that brings you happiness? My friends do lots of shit that I don’t understand, but it brings them joy so I’m happy for them.
Post # 30
Edit: whoops, posted this before I saw your response. That’s not what a good friend does. I’d say goodbye.
I have no interest in having kids, certainly for now and maybe forever, and I definitely had some weird feelings when my best friend got pregnant. However, I have never been anything but excited and supportive, even though I cried when she texted me the news because it felt like everything was changing and I’m in such a different place that I struggled to understand. I texted her all through her pregnancy, asked questions, told her how excited I was, went all out for her baby shower, and have been checking in as often as I can now that she’s on mat leave. It’s still weird for me but I love her and I’m doing everything I can to be a good friend. My issues aren’t hers to deal with and her excitement and all the cute baby photos she shares are what matters.
Post # 31
codepurple89 : How disappointing, OP. I’m sorry your friend couldn’t get over herself long enough to celebrate with you.
I have to tell you, I had a really close friend from college that I had to cut ties with because she was as self absorbed as your friend sounds. I entered a relationship and matured and had a child and she seemed stuck at our post college, early 20s stage of life (not that your friend is necessarily just like that, but . . .) – I eventually realized that our relationship was largely about her and when things were going on with me, there wasn’t really much room or understanding on her end. After a while, it just wasn’t worth it to me to continue making the effort. Once I had an actual child, I had a much lower tolerance for my friend’s self centered bs.