Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together forever – it will be six years on Memorial Day – and he has been really open throughout the pre-engagement time period. I am pretty sure that he is buying the ring soon (!!!) and is going to propose sometime in the next month or so.
I am so so excited to begin this part of our lives and to continue to build our little baby family, but a part of me is really nervous about all the attention and scrutiny that a new engagement brings. I have a twin brother, and I joke that I have never had to do anything in my life by myself, but actually it’s kind of true! I am by no means a shy person, but I just don’t enjoy getting a ton of attention, especially from people who aren’t that close to me.
Also, I am pretty new at my job and just starting out in my field, and I don’t want to take flack from my mostly male co-workers about how I “won’t need to work” etc. There is already a pretty creepy air of inappropriate remarks and innuendos going around, and I just have a bad feeling about the reactions. I also have a lot of friends who are not quite here yet and don’t really understand how hard it is going to be to plan a wedding on a small budget in this super expensive city (DC). In my head, I am already hearing people ask about whether they get a plus one… and, uh, some of those people won’t be invited themselves…
I know in my heart of hearts that this anxiety has nothing to do with my relationship and I am very excited and thrilled to take this huge step. However, I can’t help but feel like kind of a jerk for worrying about this stuff. Has anyone else been here? Any advice? Or do I just need a tequila shot and some therapy?
Post # 3
All of your worries are valid. In my experience, the first two months of my engagement was an emotional rollercoaster. All the questions, excitement, jealousy, etc can wear on you. Just try not to take it to heart…it will get better the longer you’re engaged. Good luck!
Post # 4
You will get through it- come on here to vent and get your feelings out.
Post # 5
@dcgirl655: Maybe just don’t make an announcement at work? You’re not obligated to invite co-workers, especially under your circumstances – if you’re new at the office, just starting out, not close to anybody and apprehensive that you’ll get flak for it, well, then, your co-workers have kind of proven that they neither need nor deserve to know.
If you’re worried that a ring will get their attention, you could take it off for work, or turn the stone inward … if they remark on it, you can just say, “Yes, I’m engaged, we’re keeping everything really small and low-key.” Even if that’s not strictly true where family and friends are concerned, it shows that you’re focused on work while you’re at work.
Post # 6
@dcgirl655: You’re not alone. I think that a lot of people feel this way. I was SO excited to marry my Darling Husband, but I wasn’t expecting the IMMEDIATE questions about wedding timelines, bridal parties, etc. The stress, anxiety, etc. started right away. The whole process isn’t about planning a party. It’s about working together with your Fiance, family and friends. It isn’t always fun and I think that the wedding industry does brides, in particular, a huge disservice by pretending that the whole thing is rainbows and romance. I read a lot of The Conscious Bride and it really did make me feel like my feelings were normal. You’re separating from your birth family to form a new family, with connections to the old…there is going to be some mourning for that and it’s okay.
If you can, don’t start planning immediately. Just take time to enjoy the engagement time. Tell people that you’re not making any decisions for a while (I’d be up front about it because they are going to ask). Don’t worry about letting people know at work formally.
It’s going to be okay and it’s definitely going to be fun. Just know that negative or scared feelings are normal.
Post # 7
I was super excited to tell my family and his, but work was another story. We got engaged after I had only been there about a month. I told my immediate supervisor, but no one else. Over time the news has spread, but I’d be willing to bet there are people at my office who still don’t know! I don’t think you need to make an announcement at work, unless you really want to.
Post # 8
I did a newspaper engagement and had people from work actually cut out the column and hand it to me if I needed extras for family members. MALE co-workers actually did this…I had people congratulate me for a few weeks.
We are not on a budget, but have a long engagement, He proposed last May 3rd. I was stressed hearing “OH YOU HAVE SOOO MUCH TIME” “WOW…” “THAT’S IN WHAT, 2 YEARS?”
I think you’re thinking too much…don’t worry about it!
Post # 9
Thanks so much for all the comments. It is really helpful to know that I am not completely nuts for feeling this way!
I was/am especially worried about all the money stuff that will inevitably arise, but I guess being stressed about it now, when it isn’t even an issue yet, is just dampening what should be a really fun and exciting time!
@ArwenBride I especially appreciate the tip about not making decisions for a while! And I will check out that book.
@BellaDee – that is too funny about the men at your office! So cute.
Post # 10
I can completely relate to being nervous about everyting wedding-related, but here’s my advice: Stop focusing on the negative, and enjoy the fact that you are getting engaged, and that you get to marry the love of your life! I know that sounds obvious, but once you shift your focus, everything becomes much better and less anxiety-inducing 🙂