Post # 1
This is a touchy subject so I won’t even approach it here. However, I was wondering if there were any bees who would like to hear my worry with counseling over a message. FH and were both sexually abused and the situation has to deal with what we have done/what we haven’t done…. I have no idea if this will come up in counseling but could use help sorting through some thoughts before our pastor brings it up. Reply if you want to hear more details and I can share them. Other than that, what would you suggest in general for someone like me, who has terrible memories I’ve already been to counseling for and doesn’t want to bring up sex at all with the pastor?
Post # 3
Sorry to hear about this. My pastor did not ever discuss or question our past sex-life, he only focused on what sex is in a marriage, how we should treat it, etc. I was worried about that as well, but once we started talking I realized the counseling really is to help our marriage, not make us feel guilty about our past. I hope your counseling goes as well as our’s did!
Post # 4
There was only one area of our counseling that we talked about things we experienced growing up…. and it was more about Darling Husband and I communicating it out so that we knew and understood why the other acted/reacted the way we did… we didn’t actually do this in office, but rather went through and extensive worksheet and then talked through it together.
I had past abuse that was something that really came up in our engagement period and was really difficult for me to even consider dealing with. I actually wanted to refuse going to counseling b/c of them and haivng to possibly deal with them. I had to really take it to God though and just basically set it out there to him “here!” and plead that he’d heal me.
I knew that the initmacy issues I had I did NOT want to take into our marraige… and I really was relentless about giving it to Jesus.
Counseling can only do so much, but Jesus can heal and restore ANYTHING! I think that more than these things coming up in office, the full solution is to spend alot of time in prayer and with God so that his love can heal that for you.
You are more than welcome to pm me if you wanna talk more =)
Post # 5
It might depend on your pastor, but I really don’t think you have to worry. Even if they are very upfront about questions if you both go in and are able to say firmly that you’ve spoken together about your pasts and you have no qualms they would be ridiculous to try and question you further.
In our counselling there was only one sectioned that covered this, basically encouraging you to talk about it with one another. And we had a group session (girls together and guys together) where they opened it up for questions with the mentors, but no one was pressured to speak and it was kept very light.