(Closed) Nervous about first pre-marital counseling session

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

and oops… looks like I have a tendancy to type super long replies XD oh well…:P

Post # 19
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@codysgirl16:  With my Fiance, when I can see that he is upset about something but he says he is fine, I tell him “I’m going to trust you when you say that there is nothing further wrong, just know that I am here if you need to talk” because I did have a terrible habit of nagging at him “are you okay? are you sure? you dont seem like it? really nothing is wrong???” This way I leave it in his court and he gets to take responsibility and open up or not – he usually does even if it is hours later.

If I were you (and I’m not – dont know how this would go over in your relationship) I’d simply be telling him that I think I can see something is wrong, I respect that he doesnt want to talk about it, but that it hurts me that he wont share his pain with me – exactly what you wrote here.

You also shouldnt have to try to be someone else. Its one thing to be trying to change for yourself but if you are trying to be less of a “crying sensitive hornet” for his sake… then all you are doing is creating a false illusion for him… and like you say – it cannot last forever.

aaaand here I am giving you advice… sorry… Embarassed

Good luck!!!! I hope it goes well!!

Post # 20
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

If you aren’t great communicators, then this will be good for you! Learning to identify and be open about your feelings is a great step in your relationship, and one that will ensure you can have a happy marriage for years to come.

 

These difficult things that you are afraid to talk about are still a part of who you are, and your fiance loves you as a whole person, (hopefully) not just the good parts. Your life, your path, your journey, isn’t just GOOD things and HAPPY moments, it is all things and all moments. Sharing these things together can create intimacy and a lifelong bond.

 

Look at it as both a challenge and an opportunity– like training for a sporting event or learning a new skill, it might not come naturally at first, but gradually you will become stronger and more accustomed to it. Like everything, talking about messy, big feelings is a learned skill– and one that you will be able to pass on to your children if you want to have them! 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 22
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@codysgirl16:  Yay! That sounds like it went quite well!

I am so happy for you… it really looks like you guys are well on the way to working through your pasts together and coming out stronger for it.

Ahh…hehe… I’m just so happy for you :))

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