(Closed) Nervous about first year of marriage

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee

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MrsHarryDresden:  I feel like these are all things you should either know about your partner already or have discussed before getting married. Finances, holidays and lifestyle stuff are pretty important, IMO, and shouldn’t be left as a surprise after you say I do…

Post # 17
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Are you learning from the arguments you’re having now? Compromise is important, especially when you’ll be living together for the first time. 

We’ve been married for a year now, and it went swimmingly. We did live together during engagement, but even that transition to co-habitating went smoothly. 

Post # 18
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

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r06387:  my best advice is to not have children for at least a year

Post # 19
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We moved in together before we got married, but I felt like we fought way less when we lived together… And when we did fight I couldn’t just hang up the phone or go home or whatever. I think living together taught me how to handle conversations like an adult and be upfront when I’m upset then settle it because our apartment was too small to not

Our first year of marriage has also been way less stressful than the engaged year and I don’t think we’ve had any real fights… We started some projects and hobbies together and it’s really helped us continue to grow our relationship through our first year of marriage.  

It doesn’t have to be hard to get married or live together if you don’t make it hard.

Post # 21
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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801wife:  all of our disagreements are about decor too! I like rugs… He thinks they are pointless… 

Post # 22
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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r06387:  Im not married yet but lived together for over four years and it did take a bit of adjusting but as long as you are open, honest, pick your battles (socks on the floor are not something to moan about, just pick them up) and listen then you will be able to compromise. Our relationship is stronger now that we live together.

Post # 23
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m in my first year and I’ll admit we’ve had some rough patches. There’s a lot of learning and growth on both ends. What keeps me optimistic is knowing that I’ve chosen someone who is flexible, introspective, and willing to examine his own behavior and change when needed. We’re both on the same page about figuring this out together: learning how to communicate most effectively, give each other space when needed, and not freak out about the little things. It hasn’t been the smoothest sailing, but I feel like the waters are getting calmer and calmer, if that makes sense.

Post # 24
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We’ve lived together almost 4 years now, and the first year was the hardest. I remember fighting over the fact that he took the extra foil covering off the cream cheese..thankfully we’ve moved past this. We still fight over leaving the sink on for the cats to drink out of(drives me crazy!), leaving doors open, clothes not in the basket, proper way to do laundry, hitting the snooze 5 times etc.. living with someone is hard. Remember that just becuse he may do something differently than you, doesn’t mean he’s wrong. I’m still learning this, I have trouble letting go of the control. Pre-marital counseling is a wonderful idea, I plan to do that as well. 

Discuss chores and decor now, hopefully you have a similar style and ideas on the type of home you want. Or maybe he’s like my fi and doesn’t care what you do, so long as it looks nice.

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thosethreewords:  Rugs are absolutely necessary! They bring together a whole room and just add so much more!

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