Post # 1
My husband and I have been married for a year, and have been having the conversation of when we are going to start trying for a baby. We had originally agreed we would start trying in March of this year, but I felt like I needed some more time so we pushed it out to September. Well, now September is here and my appointment to get my IUD out is right around the corner. I’ve been eating healthy and upping my exercise and taking a prenatal to help prepare. We have a budget set, money in savings and my husband has talked with co-workers and friends of his to see how they have helped with their babies.
For some background, we are both in our mid thirties. I know that logistically if we are going to have two children, we need to start soon. I feel like I do want kids but at the same time I feel like I am really selfish and the thought of having to take care of someone else all the time is really overwhelming. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Is it normal to be unsure? Is it normal to some days feel like yes I want to have a baby and then other days feel like no I dont want to?
Also, I like REALLY dont want to give birth.
Post # 2
I’m TTC, month 2 and while I CANNOT wait to get pregnant I am actually terrified of it. For 100 different reasons, labor, complications, finances, my marriage, raising kids in today’s world.. the list goes on! You’re not the only one who’s scared I promise!
Post # 3
Yeah, it’s absolutely terrifying making this decision consciously. I think you can have all the talks and everything can look like you’re all set on paper… but I’m just ask scared of getting a positive test as I am to get a negative one! It’s like agreeing to worry for the rest of your life… worried about getting pregnant, then having a healthy pregnancy, then a smooth labor, then raising the kid and the world they’ll grow up in, the choices they’ll eventually make for themselves.
Exhausting and frightening, but I think it’s worth it in the end.
Post # 4
My kid is six and there are still days when I’m ambivalent!
Nothing is 100% awesome all the time- not marriage, not work, even vacation would get taxing if that’s what you were doing all the time because you might lose a feeling of purpose and drive in your life.
It’s challenging to shift to a very new way of doing things but you adjust. I had a difficult transition because I was used to doing what I wanted to do and hadn’t yet really committed to adulting and then I was responsible for another human being. (and it’s not like I was a teenager- I was 30!)
It sounds like your husband is really excited to be on board and that’s an excellent starting place. I think you should have some agreements put in place now (gather some ideas from experienced moms) about how you will divide the parenting responsibilities (including cooking, cleaning, laundry and bills). Look around you and recognize the community you have now- family nearby? excited grandparents? Friends with kids or soon to have kids? All of those are resources that will make the whole journey much easier and sweeter.
Post # 5
We are in our 30’s and are supposed to start trying in November. How can it not be terrifying! I think thinking about the negatives and the positives is a good thing. At least I’m hoping that nothing will be too shocking that way. I know for myself I really do want kids and even if some days I think I can do without them, I know that I want to at least try. If it doesn’t work out naturally, I would be disappointed but I don’t know if I would be devastated. That may change once we are actually trying but right now that’s the only thing that confuses me. Like why don’t I feel like I would be that upset if it didn’t work out, if I actually really want kids.
Post # 6
Saru0211 : We had our first 2.5 years ago. And when it came to having our second I had so many doubts and worries, (I’m pregnant now with the second) and it ended up being a few months of back and forth on whether we really wanted to do 1 to 2 children or not. We decided to try and I’m really glad we did. But I was incredibly worried for a few months, I still get nervous now being pregnant, but I know in the end we made the right decision.
Post # 7
Saru0211 : I am in the same boat! Just got married and we want to wait a year to adjust to married life but my hubby wants a baby right now. I am kind of scared to be pregnant and give birth but yet I am excited to think about the next stage in life. Also remember you have 9 months to prepare for baby and that time is precious!
Post # 8
Saru0211 : I actually don’t feel nervous BUT it’s because I had the realization that with every major life change I have had that “oh crap I can’t handle this” feeling and every single time I’ve been wrong. You can handle way more than you probably give yourself credit for and you just have to keep reminding yourself of that until the nerves go away.
Post # 9
The people who aren’t somewhat freaked out about having a baby are either 1. too optimistic to tolerate, they probably love going to the DMV because they’re just convinced they’re going to meet their new best friend there, 2. blinded by their intractable baby fever, they literally cannot wait to be pooped all over, or 3. able to afford all the nannies.
Post # 10
Saru0211 : I hear you. I’m feeling the same way. I’ve always wanted kids but the closer the reality is the more freaked out I’m feeling and the more I question if I am selfless enough. I’ve spent the last 31 years doing things to my own wants and timeline…with kids you can’t do that. I also know I’m a big effing grumpy biatch when I don’t get my sleep!!! I know with kids that I will never sleep the deep contented sleep of a non parent when that time comes.
I jokingly said to my hubby that we should have had kids years ago when we were ignorant of what it all entailed. I’m older, wiser and having seen others struggle with adding children to their lives I am a lot more hesitant….but I’m sure we will be fine once we get there. Plus I figure people choose to do it more than once so their must be something good from it all !!!
Post # 11
I’m almost 12 weeks pregnant and definitely nervous….it’s normal!
Post # 12
Thank you everyone for your responses! This really helps. Thank you.
Post # 13
I just posted something very similar to your post a few weeks back. I am freaking out at the idea of TTC. I know my clock is ticking, but I am not quite ready.