(Closed) Nervous about my husband's newfound spirituality

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@peasantsong:  This isn’t really advice, but how did someone go from an atheist to a god-fearing believer? Was this sudden? Did he come from a previously religious family, get away, and then go back to that?

I just feel like there must have been some sort of event/person to influence such a huge change like your spirtual views…

Post # 5
36 posts
  • Wedding: January 2014

Far out thats a huge change.  Has anything happened to spark this change? What are his folks like? Where do they sit regarding church and God? 

I’m sorry I am not sure what else to offer you in regards to advice. I have the same outlook as you and would feel the same way if my Fiance went through a change like this. 

Big hugs…


Post # 7
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yikes, that is a huge change. It’s especially hard because there’s no reason behind it. You can’t deal with it by reason.


No advice, but good luck.

Post # 8
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@peasantsong:  As someone who regularly swings between doubting agnostic and religious zealot, it could be just a phase! Every few years I start regularly attending church/bible study, then quit it about a year later!

Post # 9
4045 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Wow, that’s tough. I’m also an atheist marrying one, so I can understand why it would make you so nervous. I honestly don’t know how I would stay married if my partner suddenly became very spiritual. It’s such a difference.

It may simply be something he is exploring? He could go right back to his old beliefs, who knows. Or perhaps you won’t grow apart because of it and find a way to live in harmony with separate beliefs.

I really don’t have good advice. If it were me, I’d be pointing out all the things that make me an atheist – there is loads in the bible that contradicts itself. I’d be reading aloud The God Delusion to him. I’d be pointing out every little flaw.

I don’t think that’s the best way to handle it, as it’s quite offensive, and I know you want to be respectful. I’m stumped! Just know that someone understands why this has put you in such a tough position.

Post # 10
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@peasantsong:  i dont have much advice, but i wanted to tell you that i would feel the same way in your situation.  

-are you planning on having children? How does this change the way you two plan to raise them religion wise?

Post # 11
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@peasantsong:  No advice, but I don’t know that there’s much that you can realistically do! When DH turned 30 it was like a light went off and all of sudden he wanted to go to church more, have spritual conversations more and put a lot of emphasis on being a ” better” man and human being. Do you think that maybe your DH feels or has felt like he was going down a different or wrong path and now he feels that attending church and becoming more spiritual will somehow reset some behavior?

Post # 12
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

First off, don’t try to convert him back to the way you’re thinking.  If it were the other way around, people would be in an uproar.  So no need to read “The God Delusion” outloud, for one it’s disrespectful and two, it could hurt your relationship.

People change their worldviews all the time.  Do you still love him?  Is he respectful of your beliefs?  If yes, then I would just let it go.  As ridiculous as religion sounds to you and to others, it’s meaningful to him and just let him have it.  Don’t feel obligated to attend services.

Post # 13
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ll say this with complete sensitivity: This is a perfect opportunity for both of you to put your vows into practice. I’m going through something similar with my fiance, only in reverse. I am the one growing closer to my faith. He isn’t an atheist, but he’s … not really anything. It’s been very difficult, but we support each other. For example, yesterday he sent me an article about faith/religion he thought I would find interesting. I don’t pressure him to come to church or to read anything. 

After some hard months, I think this has made us stronger. I see the effort he makes into coming to church with me sometimes (holidays). I love him all the more for that. I think it took me really backing off and not pressuring him to make him more comfortable with the changes. I am trying to focus more on my own spiritual journey than on converting anyone. This is allowing us to live out our love more fully.

Even though it’s hard, it’s absolutely worth it to keep working through everything. Best of luck!

Post # 14
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peasantsong:  Christian bee (and young adult convert) here…

If he’s committed to you, I don’t think you need to worry. Christian teaching is that a believer stays with their spouse even if their spouse does not believe. In my church, there are quite a few people who attend without their spouses, and in some cases it is because their spouse is not Christian. I’m not sure how they work it out, but now I think of it, I can’t think of any cases where one person attending our church (when previously neither did) has caused the marriage to fail.

Post # 15
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

[comment moderated for criticism of religious beliefs]

Post # 16
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d be less surprised if he went from agnostic to mildly religious. If he has recently gone through something in his life that has made him wonder what he’s going to be, or do, or feel. If he’s questioning himself for some reason (and I don’t mean to imply you’re making him question himself) he may be looking for that stability he had as a child in the catholic church.

I definitely think your best option is to support him in what he does, but don’t get involved.

I’m just glad to know he isn’t one of those people who dates to get others to turn christians…

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