(Closed) Nervous to leave baby with in laws

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I very much dislike how my Mother-In-Law is with my son. She is rude and not very nice at all.

    So, I limit it. Luckily she doesn’t seem that interested anyhow, but I’m just not comfortable with her watching him. For me it isn’t worth having her babysit if it’s going to cause me to worry. Last time she looked after him he was irritable and wouldn’t sleep or go to sleep for 2 days. Not worth it.

    I feel you OP. Follow your motherly instinct!

    Post # 3
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    Ali-oop:  I don’t have a child yet, but I see how Mother-In-Law disrespects my SILs rules and ways she wants her children raised. Like letting them watch whatever on tv, or talk back to SIL and thinking it is funny when SIL gets upset. That makes me very nervous to leave my future baby/child with Mother-In-Law. And if she were to do that to us, I wouldn’t leave my child with her alone. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Why can’t you tell your husband that…?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Just because they are grandma and grandpa doesn’t mean you have to let them babysit. My dd is 2 and my mil has never babysat because I don’t trust her. My parents babysit all the time. If you aren’t comfortable with somebody alone with your baby, then you don’t have to let it happen. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee

    why do you have to leave the baby? Grandparents have no rights, you are the mama bear and your gut is telling you something for a reason. Read the gift of fear and embrace those instincts. It’s really good practice anyway to learn to say no. You are his mom, you owe no explanations to anyone! If they push, you repeat no, asked and answered. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    Fall_In_Love22:  
    View original reply
    DVsMom:  +1

    I’ve bever been in your shoes exactly, because my in-laws (and my mom) are all good with my babies, but if you don’t like the way someone is with your child, you don’t ever have to leave your child alone with that person, no matter who it is. I would not like to see my 11-week-old propped up on pillows with the phone blasting in his ear, either. 

    Can you limit their interaction with your son to when you’re also around? So, not have them babysit, but just have them hang out with you & baby? I don’t htnk your in-laws will really ever change the way they are, so, unfortunately, so this might be the only solution.

    Post # 11
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Ali-oop:  it’s super super hard, but as I have gotten older I realize I need to stand up for my kids and you can be polite and assertive at the same time. I am still learninb and it’s hard to just say no, and leave it at that, especially if you are a people pleaser. I have also learned fair isn’t always equal, it’s not tit for tat and if they are busy comparing to your parents, that is on them, not you. You and your little one aren’t responsible for their happIness. I know it’s hard, I just don’t want other people to make the same mistakes I did with my inlaws and waste years of being unhappy as a result. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m not pregnant yet, but my inlaws will NEVER watch my kids. EVER. Mother-In-Law smokes like a chimney and is diabetic yet has loads of junk and pop in the house. There’s lots of pictures of my husband at 2-3 years old with a candy bar and a pop. No thanks. Father-In-Law is an avid gun fanatic and even though they’re locked up I will never let my kids go there without myself or my husband being there. You have to trust your gut. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    861 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    Ali-oop:  I think it is normal to not like the way that your in-laws are with your baby to some extent, because it’s not the same as the way that you were parented. I am strongly of the view that, barring actual safety concerns, you should let grandparents work out their relationships with your kids because the more people (who aren’t dangerous) that are in your kids’ lives who love them, the better. What you’re saying does not sound like safety issues, just hiccups in getting to know your son and what he likes. 

    I don’t like the way my Mother-In-Law is with my kids at all, but as long as they are safe I do leave them there for reasonable periods of time even though it bothers me. She was able to raise my husband, Brother-In-Law and SIL who I like, so her way of doing things didn’t cause permanent damage to their personalities. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    Ali-oop:  We don’t even have children yet and I am already worried about this. =)

    You are not alone. Hugs bee!

    Post # 15
    Member
    67 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    Ali-oop:  Are you just nervous about leaving your infant with them, or do you think this is going to be an ongoing issue with babysitting in general?  And you’ve mentioned you have left him with them for a couple hours; are you saying that’s your limit, or that you no longer want to leave him with them at all?

    Just looking for some clarification, because I think there are ways for you to get away with not having them watch him without causing a big fuss.  (To be clear – if you have serious concerns for his safety, it’s worth the fuss.) If you think you’d be comfortable leaving him with them when he’s older, and/or for brief periods, I think you can pretty easily evade offers to watch him (or for longer periods, at least).  But if you’ve determined that you don’t want them watching him, ever, at any age, that’s going to require your husband really getting on board and probably having a tough conversation.

    As a little anecdote, when my friend’s kids were babies, she said she’d never let her ILs watch them.  But 5 years later, she’s totally comfortable leaving them.  Not saying this would be the case with your ILs, but things can change.

    The topic ‘Nervous to leave baby with in laws’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors