(Closed) Never a bridesmaid?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, you have the right to ask. I had a few really close friends I didn’t ask, because i didn’t want to burden them.

One lives across the country and has a really demanding job 

The other was a full time medical student

 

Looking back i regret not asking them, but me not asking them had nothing to do wtih them, just my “people pleaser ” attitude. I dd not want to inconvenience them. I feel as though the question lingers in the air :why didn’t you ask me? I kind of wish they would bring it up. Its okay to ask, you have all the right to say that you are surprised. 

Post # 3
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I’ve never been one either, I’m a photographer so that’s the role I usually get. It stings a little but I understand that people have their reasons for asking who they do. For instance I’m only having a Maid/Matron of Honor, I had to decide who to ask and I decided not to ask a friend who I’m probably closest to because I felt it was a burden on her, since she’s Maid/Matron of Honor in another wedding a few months before.

Post # 5
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

When I got engaged I gave a lot of thought to who I was gonna ask. And much of my choices was based on family,& financial situation. My fiancé didn’t want to ask a bunch of guys , he just asked his best friend ( who sadly passed before he could stand as our best man ) & then my 2 brothers. So knowing that he wasn’t having but 3 people I didnt wanna have way more. And since two were my brothers I felt I had to include his sister & my step daughter who is 20. ( I would have asked them anyways but) so that only left one, or two spots. from there I thought about finances – I didnt want to burden anyone or make them feel obligated. Maybe that’s what’s going on with you. Maybe they decided on a smaller party, maybe family members only.  I messed up because with all that I considered I didn’t ask my best friend of 17 years right away. I was thinking about only family,& I tea hurt her feelings. I’m glad she told me how she felt!!! Because I was able to explain my mindset to her- and really I didn’t think it bothered her. I then spent the next couple months trying to make it up to her,& now she IS going to be a bridesmaid, I just figured to hell with it! So what if there’s only 2 groomsmen & 4 bridesmaids!!! At least I’ll have my BFF with me at my side on my wedding day. Maybe you should talk to your friend… She may not realize how you feel. Just as you may not know her reasons as why she picked the people she did. As I said, I gave mine a lot of thought and maybe with her it’s the same. Maybe they just decided to keep it small. I hope maybe I gave you some insight to her side. But I do think you should tell her how you feel. Good luck

Post # 7
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

PP is right. Maybe u have a busy schedule and she didn’t wanna burden you. I never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man or a Maid/Matron of Honor (huge sigh of relief) and I dont wanna be only person I would do it for (without wishing I wasnt, I think)  is my little sis. 

Post # 8
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
heartforge:  Wow, it sounds like that friend (the one who you did all that work for) was using you. I think you should have politely declined to do the beanbags and the cake.

Perhaps your Fiance should ask the groom why you’re the only partner not in the bridal party.

I think “I didn’t ask you to be in the bridal party for your own good” is a BS and patronising excuse.

I know that no one is owed a place in the bridal party, but – as someone who missed out on a few herself – I understand… it stings.

Post # 9
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
heartforge:  Oh wait, you’re married?

How many of them were in your bridal party?

Post # 10
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe it’s because he’s in the wedding and you have a young kid–they might have figured one of you would need to sit with the kiddo. 

Post # 11
Member
3595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I kind of feel like you would be asking her to justify her bridal party choices and I don’t think that’s your place. I understand being hurt as you expected to be a part of her day in a bridesmaid capacity, but in reality you don’t know why she made the choices she did. Maybe she wanted to keep to a certain number, maybe she doesn’t feel as close to you as you feel to her, maybe it’s a money issue.

I think you should just accept that she didn’t ask you, and if you feel that you don’t want to provide any extra help to her, then don’t. You aren’t obligated to help people pick out their dresses and such. But if that’s something you WANT to do, then you should do it without expectation of something (including a bridesmaid spot) in return.

Post # 11
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry Bee, that sucks. I honestly find it strange that your friend would take you DRESS SHOPPING with her but not ask you to stand up? I had a best friend since childhood who didn’t ask me to stand in hers, a month after she stood in mine and she had 7 BM’s! I was devastated! I kept it to myself but then one of my other BM’s told her how upset I was, which brought it into the open! And she admitted she thought I wouldn’t want to stand up, since the weddings were a month apart AND we live across the country from each other. Still I would have liked to have been asked, and made my own decision whether to accept or not. I still ended up going down to her wedding for weekend.  She called me a ” bridesmaid of the heart” in her speech to try to make amends, but honestly I felt like shit the whole night! Interestingly enough, they’re long divorced now, and I know she feels bad for not asking me, but seriously sometimes people just don’t make sense and it’s hurtful I know!!! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  beetruz13.
Post # 14
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - hallockville museum farm

One of my bridesmaids is getting married and she never asked me to be in her bridal party. I was extremely hurt since she was in mine so I know exactly how you’re feeling!! It really does suck but I’m sure there is a good reason why she didn’t ask.

Post # 15
Member
7640 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
heartforge:  I’m not sure how to say this without sounding harsh, but: if you didn’t include them, you can’t really expect them to include you.

That doesn’t mean it’s “payback”. It could just be that since you didn’t have bridesmaids apart from your sister, they figured that you don’t care much about being a bridesmaid yourself. Or, they felt no obligation to make you a bridesmaid.

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