Post # 1
I couldn’t help it… I had a few really good days not bringing up getting married stuff since we have a more definitive timeframe (by the end of August). But my birthday is in two weeks. And after a long talk about our actual wedding ceremony in the car last night–I had weddings on the brain this morning.
When SO asked what I want for my bday this morning immediately after waking up, I hesitated and said “I’m sure I’ll love whatever you get me”. He thinks he is awful at picking out gifts, so pressed me further, and before I could think, I told him he could buy me a ring.
UGH!!!! Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? There was an awkward silence followed by him saying he can’t afford the kind of ring I deserve, we also put a $50 cap on bday presents. So I have been doing my own thing today and he’s due back any moment. Now I feel like a shitty girlfriend and that I’m pressuring.
Now, out of the blue, my mom calls to say they may be able to come visit for my bday after all and should they bring the ring with them? Does SO want alone time with Dad? Etc etc etc. All questions which I have NFC. He knows asking is important to my Dad and I but HAAAAAATES the tradition–so he’s resigned himself to it, but has been putting it off. Now I’m nervous to bring up the potential impending visit to SO, because I’m afraid he’ll feel even more pressure.
Post # 3
@stace0616: Oh honey!
When he gets back just tell him sweetly you know he won’t get you a ring, you just hate the anticipation and want that whole thing over with because you love him and want to start planning forever as soon as possible. (Make it sweet so he knows your not mad when he doesn’t) Also tell him if he did that would create a new budget for bday presents that you don’t think you could afford. 😉
When my bf asked me what I wanted I just looked at him and said, “You know what I want.”
His reply, “I do?” Genuinely confused. I got a Hello Kitty Toaster and an adorable homemade cake *kinda what I really wanted*. I love him soo much! 😀
Post # 4
Ugh. I haaaaated this question so much. You can’t answer honestly but SERIOUSLY.
The thing that sucks about waiting is that, even if you have an idea of a timeline…it doesn’t necessarily make you want to be engaged any less! Don’t beat yourself up too much, he should know your feelings and where you’re coming from, since you’ve already discussed marriage quite a bit.
I would maybe just bring it back up later when you’re both relaxed. Just let him know that you weren’t trying to pressure him, but that you’re really excited to be his wife someday and sometimes that excitement gets the best of you. And maybe give him one or two small ideas just to let him know there’s other things he could do that would make you happy besides buy you a ring? Because yes, that’s definitely the big thing…but he probably (for ego’s sake) wants to know he can do other things that would make your day even if he’s not quite ready to propose.
Post # 5
This is funny! I thought I was the only one… I have said “you know what I want” for the last few birthdays and christmas even too.. Didnt get me anywhere yet though… I think he would catch me off guard if he did it on these days because I honestly don’t expect that he would ever cave!
Post # 6
@bellasperanza: this. You need to fluff his ego back up. He probably feels guilty if he cant give you what you want so you should tell him some other ideas that you’d really like, that are within his power, or what he feels his power anyway. I’m sure you wouldn’t care if he proposed with a plastic prize ring out of a cracker jack box!
Post # 7
Haha…my birthday is also coming up and I said the same thing. Then “just kidding” sorta. I would just reassure him that you aren’t expecting anything and that you love him! He will forget about it!
Post # 8
I just waggle my eyebrows and make a completely over the top hopeful face when my SO asks me this question. By making it a joke I get to say what’s on my mind and he doesn’t feel pressured. Maybe try being light-hearted about it with him? “Baby, I was being a dunce. I would love X and maybe a ring pop to tide me over ;)”. Just be honest about how you feel about it.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies! I got all nervous for nothing–he came home cool as a cucumber, and when I cautiously mentioned my parents *may* be taking us up on the offer to host them for my bday/Father’s Day, he was totally excited. And then hell froze over and he said excitedly “I’ll finally get a chance to talk to your dad–I really didn’t want to have to do it over the phone”.
And then!!! Yesterday, I found out my new office wants to send me to Boston at the end of July for training. I’m staying at one of my (gay) male friend’s houses and he told me no funny business because “we’ll be engaged by then”. I thought he was joking, but he assured me he’s never been this serious about anything in his life. And he just won $800 at poker on Sunday… soooooo maybe by the end of June instead of the end of August timeline?
Waiting has never felt so intense as it does right now.
Post # 10
Yaaaaaaay it’s coming SOON! How exciting! And how hard to keep waiting too haha.