(Closed) Never been so hurt before. I can’t stop crying

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I feel so bad for you ):

I’m not saying this is how it should be, at all, but in my experience being a bride is a lot about eating shit from people with a smile on your face. Still, no matter how nasty others are, nothing will trump that feeling on your wedding day of overwhelming love and happiness and joy.

Post # 48
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You should just take a personal day and take care of yourself. Get yourself home and in a comfy pair of pajamas, take a benadryl and get some high quality, nausea free sleep. Give this situation some time to work itself out and don’t think about it for a while. Good Luck and remember that your Fiance is the only person who matters now and he sounds like a real keeper!

Post # 49
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow!  I don’t even know what to say or what to advise.  Do you think your mom will calm down and it will blow over by the end of the week?  Do you think there is more going on here?  It just seems like there must be more to this situation.  I don’t mean that in a snarky way.  It just seems like such a Huge response that is not typical to your relationship.  You are so close to your wedding day- what, a month or month and a half?  Could you postpone and still save your deposits?  Do you have siblings or an aunt or someone else in the family that you feel close enough to that you could talk to about the situation?  I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Post # 51
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

Sounds like our parents are remarkably similar! 

My parents weren’t demonstrative either…with us, or each other. My mother has also never told me she loves me, or given me a hug or cuddle. Once my father gave me a cuddle when I was very upset about him going away overseas…she was incredibly angry and called me a crybaby. I was about 8 at the time.   She was overweight when I was getting married, and was openly jealous about the fact that I was very thin. 

Sounds like they are seriously resenting the money they are giving for the wedding…as you rightly say, they shouldn’t have offered it in the first place if this was the way they were going to act. It’s not fair on you or your Fiance. 

 

Post # 53
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

My mom is more passive-aggressive than yours, mine has never outright called me a bitch… but my mom and her husband do like to spend money on me, then use that money as an excuse to be manipulative and get their way. I’ve stopped accepting gifts from her for this reason.

I know from experience that it sucks not having the supportive, loving parents that everyone else seems to have. It feels like you’ve been robbed of something very special; or at least it does to me. But I think you have to look at it as an opportunity, to deliberately choose your support structure. You have your Fiance, who sounds supportive. You get to choose your friends. And you can treat yourself in ways that are healthy and supportive – don’t let your mom run the show on this!

Post # 54
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Wow, I am so sorry.  My mom never would have dreamed of saying or diong any of that even if I was being a bitch.  All I can say is I am really sad for you, and you should not tolerate being treated like this.  You might need to limit her involvement in your life for your own sanity and happiness.

Post # 56
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds like there have been issues in the past, but I’m sorr they’re coming up again at such a bad time. Whether you continue with the big day plans or decide to elope is really up to you but if you want to maintain a relationship with your mom I think you’re going to have to sit down and have a serious conversation, maybe a couple. I think the first thing to do is completely ignore the reason for the fight, aka: the wedding. What you really need to discuss is the relationship and communication between you and your mom. I find her treatment of you to be hugely disrespectful and I think you have to get to the root of that and fix the respect for each other before you can even begin to discuss anything else. For work I had to take a class based on the book “crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high”. I don’t know that you’ll have time to read the book before this talk needs to happen, but it’s a really great resource for how to have discussions about emotional issues.

Post # 57
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think you should make any decisions right now. Give both of you some time to calm down. Then in a week or so have a sit down. A good relationship does not just go away, you can work it out. It kind of sounds like there may be more going on then just this. Maybe things have been building.

Post # 58
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Annonybee123:  Ok, given that history, I think it’s safe to say that the wedding has triggered something in her or in both her and your father.

You in NO WAY deserve to be treated like this. I don’t know what to tell you about the shower…is your mom the type who will put on a nice face around friends/family? Or will she try to undermine you in that situation too? That might determine it for me. If you do go ahead with the shower, please focus as much as possible on all the friends and family members there who are happy for you and care about you. Let your mother be in the back of your mind, not the front.

Big hugs!!

Post # 59
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Annonybee123 keep us posted on the outcome. Hope you’re getting some much needed sleep and TLC. Smile

Post # 60
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

I totally agree with abbie017 and others that paying your parents back for any lost deposit money is a nice thought, but far beyond any obligation you acutally have. 

I would elope, and try to get back whatever deposits you can, but then forget the rest. Let things cool down with your family -give them space, plenty of it, and just do your own thing for a while. I would definitely wait for your mom to apologize. 

Post # 61
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Everyone gets angry and says things they don’t mean.Was her reaction over the top?yes.I would give her a few days then try again.

The topic ‘Never been so hurt before. I can’t stop crying’ is closed to new replies.

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