(Closed) Never move in with someone prior to marriage

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 196
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

sarandah :  “I personally see little point in dating 5-10 years just to get married to someone. You don’t need 5-10 years to know if someone is marriage material.

I wasn’t goign to comment but this sentence really irked me. Dating someone for that long absolutely can make a difference. People grow and change over time. My fiance and I met when we were just 17 years old. We were together 10 years when he proposed. Not because he was dragging his feet, but because we wanted to be stable in our lives before taking a big step like marriage.

And you know what, who we were when we were 18, 19 and 20, is NOTHING like the people we are today. If my fiance had proposed when we were 19 or 20, I would have said no, or we would have been divorced by now. Since then we have changed as people. We have grown! Being with someone for a longer time means you learn to grow with them, which happens in life. Your partner is not going to be the exact same person 20 years down the road, they are going to grow and change. You have to learn to grow WITH them. There is absoltuely nothing wrong with being with someone for a long time frame, living together and then getting married when it is right for you.

But, y’know. Thats just my opinion.

Post # 197
94 posts
Worker bee

I know this thread has become something else at this point, but I’m gonna go ahead and bring it back round to the original subject and say that all questions of cow/milk for free aside, I am far too much of a clean freak not to live with someone before marrying them. “I’m sorry, you don’t BELIEVE in rotating out your sponges?? Yeah, this is not going to work….”

Post # 198
762 posts
Busy bee

sarandah :  I don’t see anywhere in sboom‘s comment where she even suggests that that is the only successful path.

gunnabamissus :  Agreed. Not to mention there are those rare couples that find each other in middle school. I would hope they waited at least 5-10 years.

Post # 199
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

sarandah :  “People at the age of 22 are dating frat boys, punks, and assholes, are sleeping around or sleeping with someone on the first date. Usually they aren’t looking for marriage or serious commitment, just fun. I never was that kind of person, so that’s why when my friends were dating the wrong men”

So your friends were dating the wrong men because they didn’t date men that YOU wanted to also date? Whaaaa…? 

Post # 200
259 posts
Helper bee

norapunch :  this. my bf used our DISH SPONGE to clean our granite countertops once. Thank god I saw him doing it and confronted him on it.

Post # 201
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

norapunch :  lol me too!

Post # 202
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

sarandah :  what the actual fuck are you even talking about at this point? 

Literally NO ONE here has said that the timeline you just laid out is the one and only path to a happy and successful marriage. 

YOU are the one who started a thread that was premised on the idea that YOUR path is the best and that anyone who moves in with their SO before marriage is risking never getting married. 

Everyone else here is just trying to get it through your thick, self-absorbed skull that, actually, there are many different paths to successful marriages and that moving in together first makes a lot of sense for a lot of people for very good reasons. 

You have a lot to learn, kiddo. 

Post # 203
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

sarandah :  You hear how one sided that sounds?


That’s exactly how your OP comes off.

Post # 204
8432 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

This post is full of sweeping statements and judgemental comments and is getting a lot of flags so I am going to go ahead and close it for review. 

The topic ‘Never move in with someone prior to marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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