(Closed) Never move in with someone prior to marriage

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 76
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

You can’t really base anything off of posts you see on a “waiting” board.  For every post on that board there are probably an equal amount of new engagement announcements being posted on other boards, but you don’t seem to mention that.

And sure, some of these men are stringing these women along, but I have to say that it’s not the majority by any stretch.  And living together really has nothing to do with it.

and IMO that poster did not personally attack you.  She made an assumption based on your post and you chose to take it very personally.


Post # 77
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

sarandah :  you mean once he’s proposed?  I still think there’s a failure to communicate.
Once he proposed, I would think they would have discussed how long the engagement would be at some point, like is he committed but wants to finish school? Is he waiting to pay off his student loans or some other financial situation? People should discuss their expectations up front so no one is dissappointed.  We had a date picked within 72 hours of becoming engaged and he is turning into Groomzilla with all his ideas! lol    If the woman’s fiance took the time and expense to buy a ring, I would think he’s in it for the long haul but they need to discuss the details and get on the same page.  

Post # 78
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

[Comment moderated for TOS violation]

Post # 79
4018 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As you mature, you will hopefully realize how completely asinine a post like this is.

You have been married one year. Im sorry to tell you this, but you are not a marriage expert yet, nor have you managed to crack some code that no one else can figure out.

Relationships do and don’t work out for a huge variety of reasons, and one factor like whether or not you live together will not singlehandedly decide whether your relationship will work or not.


Post # 80
3858 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

that wasn’t my experience.

Post # 81
8999 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

sarandah :  Making a post criticising a group of people for making a different lifestyle choice to you is still personally attacking them. Just the same as saying “black people are smelly” is still personally attacking people even though you didn’t say “j_jaye is smelly because she is black”.  It is the same thing.

Your views are extremely sexist and naive. Just because someone proposes sooner does not mean they will have a successful marriage. Just because someone doesn’t live together before marriage does not mean they will have a successful marriage. Also if we are going to take opinion as fact then it could be said that not living together before marriage makes people get married for the wrong reasons (aka the benefits) rather than for love.

I’ve been married longer than you and also lived with my husband for years before getting married. Get back to me in a few years to let me know how your marriage is going.

Post # 82
418 posts
Helper bee

I don’t mean to be cruel, but you are 22 or 23, right?

Well, in about a decade or fifteen years when more people in your social circle have been married, in and out of relationships, or gotten divorced, and you seen more relationships rise and fall, you may recognize there is a lot more complexity and diversity to the way relationships can develop, flourish, or collapse.

I very much hope that decade will be kind to you in your choices, and suspect it will broaden your mind as to how others lives may go.

sarandah :  

Post # 83
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

sarandah :  Lol, what’s your problem?  Did someone hurt you? 

It’s very common to live with someone before getting engaged/married.  Plenty of them end in marriage.  Some don’t.  Relationships aren’t a 1 size fits all. 


Post # 84
1392 posts
Bumble bee

It’s completedly ridiculous and naive to assume that the ONE reason and ONE REASON ONLY a man decides not to marry his girlfriend or fiance is because they live together. Maybe it’s because he realizes that SHE isn’t the right one for him, maybe he realizes he’s truly not ready, maybe he gets a crazy job offer across the world and she’s holding him back from it. You assuming that it’s because they live together shows that you have very little experience with adult life and relationships. 

Oh, and by the way–WOMEN ALSO decide not to get married and back out of relationships too. 

Post # 85
847 posts
Busy bee

“Play house for free” haha wow.

I mean…everyone can just refuse sex to their partner (who are having sex) until they put a ring on it…I see it being no different. I’d imagine there’s still religious people, who will *only* marry for the “perks”. I personally find that sad. At 22 I don’t feel like we have a complete sense of who we are. 

Post # 86
364 posts
Helper bee

“””You don’t know anything about my marriage and my husband didn’t want to get married to me for the benefits.”””

But you are on a forum starting a coversation soley judging people’s relationships ….. sooooo….. here we are

Post # 87
364 posts
Helper bee

rosadiaz :  “”lol, what’s your problem?  Did someone hurt you? “”

Ding ding ding ding…….

Post # 88
4895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m still not over the “this worked for me so it works for everyone else, do as I do” simplistic view point. Maybe it’s a way of trying to understand a complex world 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post # 89
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Sansa85 :  simple folks like simple answers 🤷

Post # 90
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

MiniMeow :  AMEN!

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