Post # 106
sboom : sarandah :
I think maybe if you live with a guy and he’s dragging his feet on the proposal, it can be harder for the woman to move out because she keeps hoping that the proposal will happen. Just in general I think it’s harder to break up and walk away from a situation when you’re moved in, integrated into each other’s lives, share expenses etc. if the man and woman kept separate apartments and the guy was dragging his feet and the woman was not happy with how long it was taking, then she could extricate herself from the relationship and move on. Psychologically perhaps living together slows down that process because unraveling the life together can seem like a big hurdle to get over.
I actually wonder how often living together before engagement actually 1) slows down an actual engagement taking place (even if it happens eventually) and 2) leads a couple to get married who otherwise might have drifted apart if they hadn’t lived together (because maybe some couples see marriage as the “next step” after living together).
Post # 107
Is there anything more hilarious than dating and marriage advice from a 22 year old?
Post # 108
yes agree. There’s an article about “sliding” into marriage because lives are already entwined rather than actually making a conscious decision. I think that may be more common than we actually realize….
Post # 109
I can’t wait for the “I haven’t posted here in a while but..” post two years from now. zzar45 :
Post # 110
hmmm… I moved in with my husband after what was basically our first date (I knew him prior, he’s my good friend’s cousin) and never left. He’s the one that pushed for marriage. He’s the one that said we’re buying a ring now and he’s the one that picked our wedding day. 2 years and 2 months after our first date we walked down the aisle. Don’t overgeneralize. All men are not the same and all women are not the same. I know many men who have happily gotten married after the woman has lived with them for some time.
Post # 111
Being catty is contributing nothing to the discussion at hand. We are here to discuss opinions, views, anecdotes.
Post # 112
sarandah : Within that time frame, they move in together and do everything but the guy keeps her in the girlfriend status, at least for some time within the 1-3 year time frame. This obviously isn’t true for the majority, but this is typically the trend.
You have an entire thread full of people telling you that they did not have this experience, yet you insist that this is the way it is. It’s tough when you have a rigid viewpoint on something that is contradicted by people’s real life experiences, but this is getting ridiculous.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to live together before engagement, or not wanting to wait more than one year for a proposal. If that’s what you feel comfortable with then more power to you! The reason people are jumping all over you on here is because you’re insisting that anyone who doesn’t do things your way is setting themselves up for years of misery as an eternal live-in girlfriend, a belief that just isn’t grounded in reality.
Post # 113
People are jumping all over saying that my marriage is bound to fail just because I don’t agree with them. It’s one thing to disagree, but it’s another to be catty. Just look at the previous comments on this page.
Post # 114
You’re not my real mom, I can do what I want.
Edited: Decided I didn’t want to get in that lengthy of a debate.
Post # 115
I agree that the comments insisting your marriage is going to fail are uncalled for.
But we’re on page 8 and you’re still insisting that people who live together before marriage are likely never to get married.
I’m curious, have you learned anything from this thread? Have the dozens of bees who have told you their stories about how living together before engagement/marriage worked out great for them opened your mind to the idea that this arrangement isn’t doomed to fail, even if it’s not right for you? Or no?
Post # 116
We lived together for 4 years before marriage. I had a friend use the “I won’t live with you unless we’re married” ultimatum on a guy. It worked out for her. Maybe there is something to the idea of a speedier proposal if you’re not living together, but to each their own. I wanted to be sure the man I was with was truly right for me before I decided I wanted to marry him.
Post # 117
Thank you. He is the most eithical, handsome, thoughtful and funniest guy I’ve ever known!
Post # 118
I have seen in some cases on this thread in which moving together has sped up the process. It doesn’t mean I agree with their choices. Because again, I’ve seen more people in real life who spend years with someone and build a life with them only to have it not work out. They share finances and a home for years before they realize they don’t want to be together. Or people taking 8, 9 years to get married and in the end are in abusive relationships or with guys who wanted to see how long he could drag out the relationship. I’ve known a person whose guy only proposed because she said she was going to leave him if he didn’t after 7 years. Taking a long time and living together before marriage doesn’t guarantee a happy or successful one.
Does that mean your relationship is doomed to failure? No. But people think they have to jump all these hoops in hopes that their marriage will end up divorce-proof. And that anyone who does things differently is wrong.
My husband and I met long distance and by 8 months, we were ready to be married. But we had to wait until he could save enough money to move to my city. We were together for a year and a half when he moved and after two months of being together, he proposed and we got married a week later. Some people might say that what I did was wrong and that I shouldn’t do have done it based on that timeline alone, yet it’d be okay and others would back them up because it’s different from what most people are used to. But then when I post an opinion different from theirs, they start being catty and rude, because it’s somehow okay to jump on that bandwagon. I’m starting to think that these catty people are just likely frustrated with their lives. tiffanybruiser :
Post # 119
sarandah : They share finances and a home for years before they realize they don’t want to be together. Or people taking 8, 9 years to get married and in the end are in abusive relationships or with guys who wanted to see how long he could drag out the relationship
So you think the solution is these people should’ve gotten married after a year or two instead???? How is being married to an abuser early better than dating them? I don’t even get your train of thought bringing this up.
Post # 120
To clarify, you were actually only in a face to face, in person relationship for 2 months and a week before you were married at the age of 22?