(Closed) Never move in with someone prior to marriage

posted 7 months ago in Engagement
Post # 106
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

sboom :   sarandah :  I think maybe if you live with a guy and he’s dragging his feet on the proposal, it can be harder for the woman to move out because she keeps hoping that the proposal will happen. Just in general I think it’s harder to break up and walk away from a situation when you’re moved in, integrated into each other’s lives, share expenses etc. if the man and woman kept separate apartments and the guy was dragging his feet and the woman was not happy with how long it was taking, then she could extricate herself from the relationship and move on. Psychologically perhaps living together slows down that process because unraveling the life together can seem like a big hurdle to get over. 

I actually wonder how often living together before engagement actually 1) slows down an actual engagement taking place (even if it happens eventually) and 2) leads a couple to get married who otherwise might have drifted apart if they hadn’t lived together (because maybe some couples see marriage as the “next step” after living together).

Post # 107
Member
5565 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Is there anything more hilarious than dating and marriage advice from a 22 year old? 

Post # 108
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

caligirlinmichigan :  yes agree.  There’s  an article about “sliding” into marriage because lives are already entwined rather than actually making a conscious decision. I think that may be more common than we actually realize….  

Post # 109
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I can’t wait for the “I haven’t posted here in a while but..” post two years from now. zzar45 :  

Post # 110
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

sarandah :  hmmm… I moved in with my husband after what was basically our first date (I knew him prior, he’s my good friend’s cousin) and never left. He’s the one that pushed for marriage. He’s the one that said we’re buying a ring now and he’s the one that picked our wedding day. 2 years and 2 months after our first date we walked down the aisle. Don’t overgeneralize. All men are not the same and all women are not the same. I know many men who have happily gotten married after the woman has lived with them for some time.

Post # 112
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarandah :   Within that time frame, they move in together and do everything but the guy keeps her in the girlfriend status, at least for some time within the 1-3 year time frame. This obviously isn’t true for the majority, but this is typically the trend. 

You have an entire thread full of people telling you that they did not have this experience, yet you insist that this is the way it is. It’s tough when you have a rigid viewpoint on something that is contradicted by people’s real life experiences, but this is getting ridiculous.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to live together before engagement, or not wanting to wait more than one year for a proposal. If that’s what you feel comfortable with then more power to you! The reason people are jumping all over you on here is because you’re insisting that anyone who doesn’t do things your way is setting themselves up for years of misery as an eternal live-in girlfriend, a belief that just isn’t grounded in reality.

Post # 114
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re not my real mom, I can do what I want.

 Edited: Decided I didn’t want to get in that lengthy of a debate.

Post # 115
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarandah :  I agree that the comments insisting your marriage is going to fail are uncalled for.

But we’re on page 8 and you’re still insisting that people who live together before marriage are likely never to get married. 

I’m curious, have you learned anything from this thread? Have the dozens of bees who have told you their stories about how living together before engagement/marriage worked out great for them opened your mind to the idea that this arrangement isn’t doomed to fail, even if it’s not right for you? Or no?

Post # 116
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

We lived together for 4 years before marriage. I had a friend use the “I won’t live with you unless we’re married” ultimatum on a guy. It worked out for her. Maybe there is something to the idea of a speedier proposal if you’re not living together, but to each their own. I wanted to be sure the man I was with was truly right for me before I decided I wanted to marry him.

Post # 119
Member
6606 posts
Bee Keeper

sarandah :  They share finances and a home for years before they realize they don’t want to be together. Or people taking 8, 9 years to get married and in the end are in abusive relationships or with guys who wanted to see how long he could drag out the relationship

So you think the solution is these people should’ve gotten married after a year or two instead???? How is being married to an abuser early better than dating them? I don’t even get your train of thought bringing this up. 

Post # 120
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

To clarify, you were actually only in a face to face, in person relationship for 2 months and a week before you were married at the age of 22?

The topic ‘Never move in with someone prior to marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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