Post # 1
My Fiance and I attended the wedding of his cousin last summer and we never received a thank you card from them. I realise they technically have a year to send them out but I just found out today the bride is now pregnant so I will be shocked if we receive one in the next 4 months given that their attention is I’m sure elsewhere.
I’m not trying to be hypersensitive about it but we ended up giving them a MASSIVELY overgenerous sum of money as their gift (long story but we were told they had paid for our accommodation in a really fancy hotel so we gave them more money in their card but when we got to the hotel it was actually a mistake but we had already given the card by then).
So considering the jaw dropping gift we gave them, am I right to be annoyed?? I would never actually say anything to them though. I know writing thank you cards is tedious work, we have been receiving a lot of little engagement presents from friends and family for the past few weeks and despite being 4 weeks away from my final exams, I’m still taking the time to write everyone a personalised thank you card even for the small trinkets people have sent us.
Maybe it’s just because I’m feeling stressed about exams, but this lapse in etiquette has grated on my nerves. Or am I over reacting??
Post # 2
You are right to be annoyed, but there’s nothing you can do about it. People are awful at thank yous, it irks me too!
Post # 3
I agree that it is rude and inconsiderate not to thank someone for gifts. But that is obviously on them and there is nothing you can really do about it. I would send an email or call them to make sure that nothing happened to the money and make sure they received it. Other than that. Just let it go.
Post # 4
DrCrazyCat: nope, i would be upset too. Thank you cards are really important to me. When I had my bridal shower, my thank you cards were mailed the next day. I spent all day Sunday wirting them. For my wedding I had them sent out within 2 months. I did a few cards each day.
I find it so rude when a couple procrastinates. They took the time out of their day. Sometimes weekends and gave a gift, the least they can do is send a prompt thank you.
unfortunately you cant call them and demand a thank you card. But thats what the Bee is for, venting for situations such as this.
Post # 5
I think your over reacting. Being generous only counts if your not looking for praise and attention. The reception is a thank you. You are not entitled to a card. Sure, most brides send one but it shouldn’t be expected. Just because you’re a huge “must send card” person doesn’t mean everyone you know needs to be one. Also, what if it was lost in snail mail.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview
I totally agree with you. I was at a wedding (of a very close friend of mine) which was a year and a half ago and still haven’t received one. I even flew 3500kms to attend her wedding! Sure, my gift wasn’t extravagant but I still spent lots to be there and acknowledging that would have been appreciated. During the wedding she never even came to speak to us, until we were leaving. I know I plan to have mine out at soon as I possibly can!!
Post # 7
My cousin (or his wife) never sent a thank you card when my sister and I attended their wedding 5 years ago. Some time later, I was at my aunt’s house and happened to mention that it isn’t necessary to send a thank you for everything – what I was talking about is the fact that I send thank you cards for everything including staying at someone’s house, but I send a thank you anyway. I had totally forgotten about not ever having received a thank you from her son or daughter-in-law. My aunt went on about how thank you cards are never necessary. Sorry but if it wasn’t her golden daughter-in-law she would not be saying that.
Post # 8
BrideK2Wings: I beg to disagree. A thank you card should be expected. There is precious little one can do about it if you don’t get one, but given how simple it is to write a 2 or 3 line thank-you note, there really is no excuse not to send them. This is basic good manners, not something bizarre and unexpected.
The OP said the card and money were “given” to them- doesn’t sound like lost in the mail to me.
Post # 9
Sounds like they didn’t appreciate the gift.
Guess that means you’re off the hook for a baby gift!
Post # 10
julies1949: we can disagree, it’s OK. 🙂
As for the snail mail, I was stating the Thank You Card may have been lost. NOT the money.
Post # 11
julies1949: Once again I agree with you!
BrideK2Wings: I think it’s totally fair enough to expect a thank-you note. Particularly when giving cash I love to receive a thank-you that states what you plan to use the cash for, “Thanks for your generous gift, we are really excited to go on our honeymoon and your gift will help us make the most of the experience” or “We have been in need of a new fridge for a while now and your gift has brought us that much closer to getting one” or “With your generous gift we were able to purchase a new outdoor setting/dining set/bedspread”.
DrCrazyCat: It would totally get on my nerves too. I don’t think you’re over reacting.
Post # 12
It’s all in how we are raised. I was raised that you send a thank you note no matter what occasion, no matter how small the gift. That person took the time to pick you out something, you should take the time to thank them. So every birthday, Christmas, or other event that I got a gift and could not thank that person personally, a thank you note was sent out. I am raising my boys the same way.
Post # 13
DrCrazyCat: a thank you card is always gracious. But I think you’re making too big of a deal out of this. It’s just a card. What if it just got lost in the mail?
My guess is you’re more upset over your “over generous” gift giving than not getting a card. You sound luke you’re projecting your stress onto irrelevant crap.
Post # 14
BrideK2Wings: The reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony, not for the gift. Thank you notes are a must for wedding gifts. It’s not a “sure most brides send them” thing. It’s a don’t register for/leave a box out for cards at your wedding if you don’t want to write thank you notes thing.
Post # 15
Apple_Blossom: I would tend to agree. I stop the gift stream when the thank you notes stop. I assume that it means they didn’t like my gift so I won’t bother with the next baby/2nd birthday/etc