(Closed) Never received a thank you card from the bride/groom

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think thank you cards are overrated for many things. I don’t need a thank you card from a two year old’s birthday party, as many of my friends do. I toss all thank you cards; many without reading. i have only been to a few weddings and we did receive thank you cards, but it wouldn’t be a big deal to not have gotten one. I know they liked the gifts we had gotten because it was on their registry. I don’t hold a grudge for the rest of the person’s life if we didn’t get a hand written thank you in the mail From them. 

Post # 32
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

No thank-you note = no manners. Just rude.

Post # 34
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I don’t get thank you cards.

why would I thank people for coming to my wedding or whatever occasion. It was their choice to be there after being invited.

Post # 35
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

allthingsaqua:  I disagree. I do think that graciousness should be in BOTH directions – guests should say thank you for inviting them and the couple should thank guests for coming. But the worse breach of etiquette is when the bride and groom fail to send out thank yous. I also disagree that a text or verbal thank you is enough, though if you do not even get either of those, that is pretty bad. I am really good about sending thank yous but not everyone is, most people take months. Taking a long time is not as big a deal as never sending one. Just my opinion, having now been on both sides. 

Post # 36
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

allthingsaqua:  okay…even if you go by this terrible attitude, you don’t send thank you cards to people for attending. You send them to thank people for giving you a gift. So you don’t “get” thanking someone for spending their hard earned money on you?

Post # 37
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2006

so why then is it not a big deal for thank you cards for birthdays christmas and any other event. they go in the bin. People have better things to do than spend their life writing thankyou

 

carolinabelle:

Post # 38
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

I’d be annoyed for sure. Don’t give anything for the baby shower, or if you do make it a $10.00 gift card to Target. No gratitude for a generous gift, no more generous gifts.

I’d cut them a bit of slack if you had given then a small sum of money like $25.00, but it sounds like it was much more.

Post # 39
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

DrCrazyCat:  Thank you cards aren’t really a big deal to me. However, I agree that it is rude for the couple to not thank you through sending a card, over the phone, or in person. 

Post # 40
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

My Mother-In-Law raised 3 children. Two of those raised their children (4) to write thank you notes and one did not (2). Not surprisingly, in the family that doesn’t write thank yous, or even acknowledge a shipped gift has arrived by e-mail, the parents have a narcissistic sense of entitlement. The world owes them.

Since I read into that SIL’s mind early on, I made sure the baby gifts were from Tiffany’s and later the gifts came from F.A.O. Schwartz (they lived in NYC). I knew if I only sent the best, there would be less chance of complaints. Yeah, we got complaints, not thanks. One time, they already had one of the FAO gifts, so she complained about having to return it.

Needless to say, we stopped sending those kids gifts a long time ago. People soon learn who appreciates the effort and expense you take to give/send a gift, and when they don’t, the gravy train stops. I’m sure this was a learning experience, for everyone who gave a gift, at the wedding you attended.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  2XMOB.
Post # 41
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

allthingsaqua:  it is all a big deal. It’s basic manners and a bare minimum requirement of being a polite and gracious person. 

 

Post # 42
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would be annoyed too. If you can’t be bothered to send a thank-you note, don’t register for gifts. We (ok, I) did thank-you notes for our engagement party, for each shower, AND the wedding – I had my wedding ones done within a month. Yes it took some time to do, but I was happy to spend the time after everyone had spent their time and their money on us. It was not a big deal, and I knew a lot of them would appreciate it.

Post # 43
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

allthingsaqua: um, I write a thank you any time someone gives me something. I just had a birthday and sent out thank you cards so it’s quite fresh. It’s just the polite thing to do and if you get a Christmas gift and a birthday gift that’s twice in a year you need to spend 15 minutes writing cards. Hardly wasting your life away… But I guess some people don’t mind about being rude. You’d only get one gift in a lifetime from me, though, if you didn’t thank me for it. 

Post # 44
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Am not saying I would thank someone. But I’d rather do it in person or by phone call. So I don’t get the whole card thing.

carolinabelle:  

Post # 45
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

allthingsaqua:  That’s great, but I was not about to call 100+ people to thank them over the phone for their wedding gifts. 

DrCrazyCat:  I agree with you. Unfortunately, I’ve been to several weddings over the past few years where a thank-you was never received, by note or otherwise. It sucks and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect my overall feelings toward those couples. But it is what it is.

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