(Closed) never the bridesmaid, or MOH, or anything ….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am just sorry that you are feeling this way. As for showing up slutty…? I went to a wedding where EVERYONE looked like a hooker…I thought it was inappropriate but it really wasn’t a big deal. ( I only thought it inappropriate cause it was a church wedding, other wise, you can act classy when dressing revealing;)

There was just another thread a couple days ago that talked about how we bee’s didnt have a whole bunch of friends. We all kinda comiserated about it. you are not alone!

Post # 4
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Girl, you are not alone. 

Seeing my friends get married in addition to planning my own wedding is making me re-evaluate my friendships. If you are sincerely hurt and you think that something deeper is going on, you should feel free to discuss it with your friends. A good friend will listen and try to work with your feelings or at least show sympathy. Other friends may be able to give you insight on to why you were not a participant when others were.

Post # 5
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry this has happened to you! Your story reminds me of a girl I used to work with.  Perhaps just ask some of the girls who already had their wedding why you weren’t involved. That way it’s already happened so its not like you are asking to join, but you can get genuine feedback

Post # 6
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@adnama: Agree. Something like this.

“Hey Friend, your wedding was so beautiful, thank you for inviting me to attend. I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable but I was a little hurt that you didn’t ask me to be involved. Is there a reason for that? I’m just curious because it seems to be happening a lot lately and I’m wondering if I’ve broken some sort of secret wedding law or something”

This is said in your sweetest most friendly voice with a little laugh at the dumb joke at the end.

In all likelihood it’s just a fluke though, try not to be hurt.

Post # 7
191 posts
Blushing bee

I know it stings a bit but just think of all the time and money you’ll have saved! Now all you have to do is show up at the wedding, eat, drink, and have fun!!

Post # 8
46422 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As hard as it is, we all have to realize that brides simply cannot have all their close friends in the wedding party. You will go through the same experience when it comes to choosing your own.

Even just looking at the above 4 weddings, if you asked all of those people to be in your wedding party, you would have no room for relatives, groom’s family  or other close friends.

You will also have to make hard choices about your guest list. I don’t agree with inviting people for just part of the celebrations (the evening guest issue). I think that was rude, but he may have been trying to stretch the budget to include you in something rather than leave you off the list altogether.

I would not recommend approaching any of them to ask why you were not included. That also would be terribly rude and a very awkward position to place anyone in.

Sorry to sound less than sympathetic. I am sorry you have had to deal with this but this is one of the situations where we just have to put on our big girl panties and move on.

Post # 9
962 posts
Busy bee

@confuddled: Question: are you kind of a tomboy (not a girly girl)? The reason I ask this is because there were very close girl friends of mine who I nearly didn’t ask to be in my wedding as bms simply because I didn’t think that they would enjoy the process of dressing up and being put on display. Perhaps that is the case. When I selected bms I went with girls who were not only close with me, but who also enjoyed bridesmaid-like activities. Fortunately, one of my more tomboy friends corrected me on this assumption and she is now a member of my bridal party. My point is that you may be throwing off the vibe that you would not be interested in being a bridesmaid. Is that possible?

Post # 10
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

So, I’m saying this not because I’m accusing someone of anything, but because if you were my friend and asking me this in person I would have this conversation:

“So, in all of these situations, you’re the common the denominator. If you took an unemotional look at all these relationships, is there anything you do in these relationships that might make you someone stressful to have around that long on a stressful/fun day?”

Also, if you typically react in same way you’ve suggested:

it’s making me not want to have any of them at my future wedding in retaliation – that or showing up like a slut (not too much, but enough to get some attention)

I would point out that, I would as a friend that loves you, invite you to the wedding, but not have you as part of my wedding party.

I hope that helps (and please know that this comes from someone who has also had to objectively look at themselves as the common denominator in a friend problem.)

The topic ‘never the bridesmaid, or MOH, or anything ….’ is closed to new replies.

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