(Closed) Never thought I would be the one

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You need to tell your husband what happened.  Maybe you weren’t as happy in your relationship as you thought.

Post # 4
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you have bigger issues than you want to admit to.   A happy marriage doesn’t allow this to happen, and to keep it a secret is going to backfire.   Your husband deserves to know and to move on if he chooses it, especially since you seem to have no remorse.  

I hope at the very least, you will not have sex with your husband without STI testing… herpes and HPV can be spread even without visible signs and with a condom.

What a mess.   Remember, what you are feeling is not real love or anything other than sex.  It’s not real life.

Post # 5
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You need to tell your husband. There is no way you can keep something like this from someone you supposedly love

Post # 6
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

but well, it just happened

for the record…. it doesnt “just” happen – ive managed to reach the ripe old age of early 30’s and yet my panties have never “just happened” to fall down and someone “just happens” to insert a penis without my permission or knowledge

you need to be honest with yourself and your husband – i do believe that some couples can overcome infidelity (if thats what you want) but you have to both want it and work at it but it begins with honesty and heartfelt sorrow. goodluck, im sure others have better advise than i can give

Post # 7
2699 posts
Sugar bee

This just made me sad and angry all at the same time. Please tell your husband. If you do nothing else, at least be honest. You vowed to him, he needs to know.

Post # 8
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with MissAsB … If that was the most wonderful week of your life.. maybe you need to think about what is really going to make you happy. Telling him will hurt him, but if he finds out.. or you become distant, or this keeps going on with this guy, or happens again with another.. it’s going to hurt worse. Figure out what you really want and what will make you happy. You are going to be with your husband the rest of your life. Would you want him to tell you if he did something? How did you get away with a week with another guy without your husband knowing? I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 9
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m going to go against the grain. Telling him might help relieve your conscience and let you feel virtuous about it (“I cheated, but at least I came clean.”) but all it will do is devastate your husband. If you really want to save your marriage, put an end to the affair. Completely, totally, no contact. Spend your energy on trying to be the wife your husband deserves instead.

ETA: I read your other post. I don’t think it’s going to help boost your husband’s sexual confidence to find out that you’ve had a fling with the builder 10 years his junior.

Post # 10
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Hmmm, I don’t really know what you hoped to accomplish with this post on a wedding/nesting site, but whatever floats your boat. Its great that you feel so amazing right now, but I think its pretty harmful to your marriage to hide something like this from your husband. If he’s not the one making you feel this way, maybe its time for something to change.

Post # 11
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

a It didn’t just happen. You made a conscious choice.

b You have already hurt your husband- he just doesn’t know it yet

c. get thee to a counsellor fast. To deliberately do something that you know will hurt your partner, says you have real problems that you need to sort out.

Post # 12
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“I do not wish to hurt my husband and no, I am not looking to divorce him.”

Yikes! A. Too late, you’ve already hurt him and B. Infidelity generally leads to divorce. Statistics don’t lie. 

Post # 13
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You need to tell your husband.  Nothing is going to change in your marriage if you don’t, besides there goes the trust your whole marriage is based on. 

Also … it may have been ONE WEEK but i’m sure you had the same with your husband before, it’s being with someone who you both see the best and worst of in, not just the good times.  I just hope you didn’t  catch some STD cause i’m sure the person you had the affair with was being completely honest with you too …

Post # 14
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you felt traumatized by your ex cheating on you, imagine how you’re going to make your husband feel.

I think you know what you need to do (stop seeing the other guy)… you just don’t necessarily want to do it.

Post # 15
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Izzzypop: it hurts to read something like this. What was your purpose with posting this? On this type of site? a site where 99% of us are happily married/engaged/seriously committed and cannot even think of doing this to our SO. I honestly wish you the best and I hope that things work out the best for your husband and you. you have done a very very horrible thing…regardless of how great it felt. It was WRONG…no way around it. What if your husband did this to you? how would you feel? I woudl like to know WHY you do this? how long have you been married, etc?

Post # 16
1574 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Elvis: Thank you, Your words rang true and I appreciate it! It wasn’t like I went into marriage expecting to cheat!

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