(Closed) Never thought i would have a moh issue…help

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think she’s over reacting a bit. I understand that she was upset & was expecting you to call right back; but things happen. No it may not feel good to feel “forgotten about” or “less important” but it does happen. Enless there are other underlying issues I don’t understand how that makes it aweful to be your friend. I say let her say her piece but also explain that you already appologized and that you are very sorry but that you also don’t apprieciate her blowing things out of perportion. I think it depends on your friendship also. You have to be the one to decide if she’s worth having still as Maid/Matron of Honor or not. I think history should play a role. Not just a one time event. If this is typical of her and you really are sick of it & can’t deal anymore than let her walk away. But if this is something that is out of the ordinary for her and she has a good explenation than I’d maybe let it slide and go on. Good Luck! Let us know how it turns out…

Post # 4
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I am wondering if she is experiencing some wedding emotions, from a friend perspective.  She might be wondering how your relationship will change once you get married.  (And that change has already started.)  That’s valid.  You’re relationship will change.  But she might be sad about it.  It can be a hard transition time for friends.  (Their at different stages, as opposed to all in college or high school.)

I think after a little calming down, talk to her.  Ask her what’s bothering her.  Tell her what your friendship means to you and how you’ll go about being friends after the wedding.  It sounds like you’vetaken a lot of burden off her.  So just reinforce that you don’t expect her to stress herself out.

Post # 5
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think she also over reacted! Is there maybe something else going on that has her so upset and what not now? Just continue to talk and re-assure her!

Post # 6
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i think i might have been in her position last year. i think she doesnt feel included have you included her in your decisions?

i think she is over reacting though about demoting herself. I wouldn’t have said what she said but I did express to the bride that I felt as if I was being left out not being able to go with her and choose certain things or just hang out with her while she did wedding stuff.

Now that I am a bride to be I find myself not having a Maid/Matron of Honor because the one I picked said the say things about money. I just decided not to have one at all less stress. I told all of my Bridesmaid or Best Man together they will be one super mega Maid/Matron of Honor

Post # 7
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i also think she is overreacting ad not really thinking straight

Post # 8
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Have you guys had any issues at all before this? Has she had other issues unrelated to your wedding? I find it surprising that she would get so upset and refuse to be your Maid/Matron of Honor over one phone call, so I would do my best to find out what else may be going on. I think from your post it sounds like she may have been distant for a while (you mentioned that you feel like you’re her Maid/Matron of Honor because you’re doing everything yourself and paying for everything!) That definitely shouldn’t be the case. My Maid/Matron of Honor lives in another country and can’t do much to help, but I’m not taking on her responsibilities, and she’s not getting upset over not participating.

The bottom line is, if she doesn’t want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, you can’t make her, no matter how much you want to. You could convince her to stand up with you, but do you really want her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor if you basically have to force her into it? 

Post # 9
690 posts
Busy bee

I agree that she is DEFINITELY over-reacting big time.  However, if she’s important to you (and doesn’t typically behave this badly), i’d give her the benefit of the doubt this time.  Once she’s calmed down a tad, tell her how important she is to you, that you’re sorry and that you’ll try to be more thoughtful, etc.  If this still isn’t enough, maybe its time to reconsider your friendship.  Everyone is allowed to overreact occasionally, but I woudln’t put up with her doing this kind of thing frequently!

Post # 10
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I also think she is over reacting. Is she overly sensitive? Maybe she needs the couple of days to calm down and then you guys can talk it out. Don’t feel bad though, I understand how things get busy and you didn’t mean not to call her back. Just apologize for that and she should move on.

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