- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I just need somewhere to vent and look for some advice. I always pictured my wedding planning and engagement period as laid back and drama-free; yet it has been anything but! And all thanks to my sister who has caused me so much grief since I got engaged. I need some advice on how to deal with this situation and appreciate you reading this! It is LONG and I apologize in advance!
Back story on my relationship with my sister: She is three years younger than me, has never been in a wedding party or involved in actual wedding events (bridal shower, etc). Our relationship has been strained for pretty much our whole lives. We are completely different people. I am motivated and career-oriented, she took 8 years to graduate from college and stills lives off of my parents, has never had any bills or responsibility of her own, etc. She makes everything about herself even when she tries to act like she is doing something nice for someone else. It has always annoyed me. The other issue I have with her is her tendancy to cause drama wherever she goes. She has lost so many friends over the years by all the sh*t talking she does, lies she tells and drama she causes. It’s to the point where I rarely believe anything she tells me. For some reason, she fails to see all of this and thinks we are super close just because we are sisters. We never even hang out.
When I got engaged, she immediately started trying to act like my BFF. She would post pictures of best friend quotes and other corny stuff and tag me in it and other things she wasn’t doing before I got engaged. I had a feeling it was going to be an issue if I didn’t ask her to be my MOH; however, I want my best friend since I was 11 to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She knows me best and has been there for me through everything. I trust her to support me and make this engagement and wedding planning a fun experience.
The drama started almost immediately. My sister planned a surprise engagement party for my fiance and I and apparently expected that I would be so excited, that I would ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. When I didn’t ask her immediately, she started talking about me to my mom about how she can’t believe I am taking so long to choose my wedding party, etc. She even said something nasty to me at the party along the lines of, “what? is SHE going to be your MOH?” (about my best friend). She also messed up the engagement party by not inviting people that should have been there because she doesn’t like them personally.
My mom and I had multiple conversations about how I wanted my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, not my sister. My mom was upset by this and I had to defend myself and my decision multiple times to her. This entire time my sister never said a word to me about this, just complained to my mom and people at her work. I finally gave my mom a compromise – I would ask my best friend and my sister. This way she is involved in planning but I have my best friend helping to plan as well. I sent out the cards asking them to be in it, my sister acted like she was fine with everything (she knew before I sent the card that it would be the two of them as Maid/Matron of Honor because my mom told her).
This entire time, it irritated me that my sister never came to me to discuss any of this and was essentially communicating her unhappiness through my mother. I let it go because I did not want drama.
Last night I found out that she was talking about me to one of my BRIDEMAIDS at a party this past weekend. She was complaining about how my best friend is also a maid of honor amongst other things. I knew nothing about this and get a text message last night from my sister to tell me that she needs to tell me something. She then goes on to tell me that the bridesmaid was talking sh*t on me at the party and was saying that she cannot believe I wouldn’t have my sister as my only Maid/Matron of Honor and that she can’t believe I am having my best friend as well. I call this Bridesmaid or Best Man immediately to discuss this and the fact that it’s not her business who I have. She admitted to what she said and was very apologetic. She also told me she was confused as to why my sister would come and tell me this when she was also contributing to this conversation and was complaining about my best friend being Maid/Matron of Honor. My sister denies saying anything about my decision. She got mad at ME and told me that next time people are talking about me, she won’t tell me. She then told me to just have my BF as my only Maid/Matron of Honor. Now she is acting like the victim who has been wronged by me.
I was stunned by her reaction to this – she turned it around on me when I am obviously the least at fault in this situation. I told her I would at least feel better if she owned up to what was said instead of all of this hiding of feelings.
I don’t know what to do. I am sick of her causing drama and acting like the victim. Any insight/advice on how to move forward?