(Closed) never thought I’d have a BM ‘problem’… sad

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aw I’m sorry something similar happened with my Maid/Matron of Honor (not travelling but moved and broke off her engagement). I recently asked my sister to take her place.

Post # 4
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry to hear that.  My sister/MOH was doing the world traveller thing for a year before we got married as well.  She arrived back the weekend before the wedding, and we squeezed in the shower/stagette right before, which was a little stressful, but I couldn’t have imagined doing it without her.  Is there any way you could do these events SUPER close to the wedding to have her there?  If not, that just sucks.. hugs!

Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee

I had something similar. My life is divided between Europe, where I’ve lived for nearly 20 yrs, and the US, where I come from. I have one very close girlfriend here, who is kind of a wandering academic in anthropology, going from post-doc fellowship to fieldwork, to stipend research all over the world. When I told her it looked like my fella and I were headed to marriage she just burst out “And I’ll be Maid of Honor!”.  We set the date for Nov 2012 in the US. Since then she’s been very iffy on committing to attending at all, which her life may not permit her to, true, and it is also very far away for her. But she up and invited the guy she’s dating without consulting me – just after the fact saying “I hope that’s ok”. And she’s not present. Even in these days of skype and chat and fb and email, she’s just not made herself particularly available or shown herself to be particularly interested in any of the planning, or even about my relationship at all.

Luckily I’ve my dearest friend in the US, who, even though she is a high powered exec doing a lot of volunteer work on the side and restauring her home- ALWAYS makes time for me, is always delighted to talk about the wedding and dream and plan with me, talk about our guys. She’s really my Maid/Matron of Honor, formally and officially. I think the other friend realises she isn’t in this role, but I have no idea how to honor what I feel is a need for space as well as honor whatever spontaneous warmth made her volunteer as maid of honor…..


Post # 7
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man in New Zealand who won’t be able to do much other than just stand up there on the big day are support my marrage, but that is what being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is all about, right?  All the other stuff is just extra fluff…..

Post # 8
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@vmec: Sorry to hear that for you.


Post # 9
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sorry to hear, its defintely disappointng but i’msure it will all work out.

Post # 11
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is sad, I’m really sorry for you. 🙁

but just remember, that many people think that being a bridesmaid does not *require* extra work aside from wearing the dress and showing up to the wedding! (see the sticky at the top of the bridesmaids section.)

So I don’t think you should let her step down. Maybe you can do more planning yourself, or have other people help with the pre-wedding events? Because I think that you will look back and be happy that your friend was there to stand by you, and you will forget about everyting else!

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

See, you can do one thing that call her and ask her about her plans for your weddings…..and by when she can come as you have to make some arrangements also…..she sound to me so unpredictable so for the safety side think about someone else also for the bridesmaid……….

Post # 13
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Maid/Matron of Honor is living in Belgium (she moved there about 6 months before we got engaged).  When I first asked her to be my maid of honor she quickly said “I would love to, I want to do that for you so badly but what if I can’t be around for everything?”.  I reassured her that whether or not she was around for fittings, showers (she did actually surprise me by flying back for my shower) wouldn’t change the fact that she was my best friend and the one I wanted by my side on my wedding day.

It’s been tough not having her around but I’ve been fortunate to have another bridesmaid that lives by me step up to help out with the things my Maid/Matron of Honor would have otherwise done.  MY Maid/Matron of Honor has also been awesome about helping however she can.  She’s helped me pick out jewelry, hairpieces, etc. all through email.

I’ve found that part of it is is just understanding the situation and reminding yourself why you picked her in the first place.  If she is truly the right person to be by your side at the wedding, then I would let that trump any and all possible absenses from other events.  I know it’s sad and unfortunate but I wouldn’t have replaced my Maid/Matron of Honor for anything.  She’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to sister, no matter how far away she lives….

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