(Closed) Never thought I'd say this… but HELP!

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

Oh boy. so, I bought a dress. I bought it without really trying on many wedding dresses first, for various reasons (long story). I just used inspiration pictures and my knowledge of what looks good on me. I got it a little small, so I could lose weight to fit into it.

Here’s the dress before I lost the weight:

The dress now fits properly. It looks better, and the neckline has dropped lower, which is what I wanted. I also have a nice sash to wear with it. But something was bothering me still. I didn’t know what. So I decided to go to a bridal salon, try on some dresses, and try to see what tweaks I could make to my dress, based on what I tried on in the salon, to make my dress perfect.

… and then I did a bad thing. I just couldn’t resist. I tried on this:

http://www.justinalexanderbridal.com/wedding_dresses/8641

… before I lost weight, I would NEVER have tried on this style. But when it was on me, I felt really beautiful. I felt like I actually had a nice figure, for the first time in years! Now, my dress is beautiful, but I don’t feel beautiful in it, if that makes sense. I see it on the hanger and I think WOW, but when I wear it then it just falls flat.

The Justin Alexander isn’t perfect, mind you… I love it with the bolero, but I don’t like the sweetheart neckline without the bolero on (although I like the way it shows through the bolero lace). I also tried on a few other dresses though… and yes, that is the most flattering shape for me… and yes, that was the nicest of the whole bunch in that silouette.

So now I’m stuck. In normal circumstances, I would just say “well, you can’t afford a second dress, so tough. You’ll have to make the best of it.” The thing is… because I’ll be getting some unexpected money at the start of 2014, I could afford to get another Jasmines replica, with the bits and bobs I don’t like subtly altered. I could even get it to match my veil.

Ugh… so confused! I’m going back later in the week to try it on again. The thing is… I just can’t stop thinking about that Justin Alexander dress. I’m even going to take my veil with me next time to see what I think… and I feel kind of bad for wasting the poor bridal consultant’s time (I could never afford the original dress), but I just can’t resist. What is wrong with me? Ugh. I’m a mental Bridezilla… AGAIN.

… please advise, bees!

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

I don’t have a pic of me in the second one, but here’s a picture of it:

It looks really good. The thing is, if I paid for alterations to change the silouette, that alone would come to about half the cost of getting a new dress. The other thing I should say is that even after I got the first dress, I kept looking at other dresses online and things… and now I don’t feel the need to do that any more. I’m not one to have an emotional reaction, but I think I felt something with that second dress. And now I’m obsessing about it almost a week later! Ugh… part of me hopes I go back and I hate it. But I’m not sure how likely that is.

… I can’t post pics of me in my own dress because I struggle to take pics of myself without a full length mirror, and the only one in the house is screwed to the wall in a room without much natural light, so the pics don’t come out right.

… I’ll try to post pics of me in the second dress later in the week, if the salon allows it…

EDIT: I should also say that I also bought a reception dress, which I tried on again today and which I still really love. It’s not suitable for a church wedding though, because I need coverage, and it would look really odd with a bolero. Nor does it suit my veil (which I am obsessed with, and adore). So I couldn’t wear that one for the ceremony. That said, I loved my reception dress from the first moment I tried it on… whereas with the ceremony dress, I just kept repeating to myself “you’ll love it when you lose the weight… you’ll love it when it fits…”. This is why you should never order a dress without trying on similar styles first! I tried on similar dresses to the ceremony dress I already have in the bridal store, actually, and they all looked horrible. The one I have is definitely better than all the ones which have a similar shape that I have seen. I just don’t think it’s THE one.

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

The answer is that I wouldn’t mind getting a cover up for the reception dress, if I could. But there aren’t really any appropriate covers for it due to the style. It also doesn’t suit my veil, which is a huge, custom, 120 inch beaded lacy mantilla. The reception dress also has no train. So even if I were to buy a cover up for the reception dress, I would also have to buy a new veil.

I will be wearing the first dress for quite a long time… I will wear it for a religious ceremony, photographs, a sit down meal, speeches, and the formal pieces of the reception. The reception dress was really only for the party, because I didn’t want to wear a super heavy dress with a train all night.

If I got a third dress, the total cost for all three dresses, plus my underwear, shoes, veils, and ensemble etc will come to just over £1,000 (1,500USD). More than what I aimed to spend. I mean, that’s a significant chunk of the budget. But then… the budget did just get unexpectedly larger. Hmmmm…

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

Quick update: the store didn’t allow photos, which means I can’t show you guys. I went back there though, and tried on a few dresses that I had loved last time, both with and without boleros. I need to cover up for the ceremony, so there was no point loving any dress which looked awful with a wrap or cover up!

Conclusions: The trumpet shape of the Justin Alexander was perfect. I also loved the frothing of the lace at the bottom. But without the bolero, that deep sweetheart was not nice on me at all. Also, without the bolero then the whole dress didn’t have the wow factor. Sure, it was a lovely dress… and it was almost perfect, but not quite.

I had loved another dress last time… it had a ruched, shallow sweetheart neckline, with two layers of fabric. The bottom layer was the same trumpet shape with beaded lace, and the top layer was empire line and see through, with beaded lace appliques. It was beautiful, especially when the assistant pulled out a stunning bolero which went with the dress. I loved the dress, bolero, and the two together BUT it didn’t have the sophistication of the Justin Alexander. It made me look sweet and romantic. But I don’t want to look sweet and romantic at all! I think I really want to look powerful, regal and sophisticated. That said, objectively then I did look the best in it.

So then I thought… it’s time to walk away. After all, if I’m considering ordering another dress from Jasmine’s, they only take 10 weeks to make. That means I have loads of time. The first thing to do is to lose all the weight I plan on losing, which in itself will take several more months, and then to get exact quotes on how much it would be to alter the dress I have and turn it into a trumpet shape. If altering the dress I have would cost half or more of the cost of getting a new dress, I’ll get a new dress. If not, I’ll just hope that the alterations on the dress I have work out OK.

… and that is my plan. Comments, bees?

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

@babecake:  It’s Catholic. Here then it is completely up to the priest whether or not to tell you to cover your shoulders. Some insist upon it… in fact, in FI’s parents’ church then they inform you that you must cover up during the pre cana and first communion/baptism/confirmation classes. I know this because FI’s Mum has helped out with such classes, and she’s told me about them in the past.

I also feel that I need to exercise extreme caution. FI’s family are very traditional and Fiance himself feels that strapless dresses in church are inappropriate. It’s not that they would openly complain, but there are have been comments which hint at their preferences in the past. Also, I am not a Catholic, and there are still issues regarding having/not having mass at the wedding. I really don’t want to create another issue… although I don’t yet know if the church I am trying to get married in would allow strapless or not. Either way, I really feel that I should play it safe.

Thanks for the reply. Yes… I still love the reception dress. I’m thinking now that it’s the shape of the ceremony dress that’s the real issue. I used to be really slim and toned before I met Fiance, you see, but when you settle down then you swap the gym for cozy nights in and crisps… within a few years I’d gained 40-50lb! I lost half of that when I was abroad, and am now working to lose the other half. I think that when I ordered I graduated to A line because I just haven’t had an actual SHAPE in so many years, you know? And A lines are really slimming if you have a bit of junk in the trunk! But now I’ve lost more weight, I’m feeling like there’s just too much dress, and that I want to show off my newly regained figure. So I’ll just hold out, like I said, and then see if I can get quotes for a shape alteration before I do anything rash.

Even if I do get a new dress though, it’s not the end for the dress I have… as the lace is mostly natural fibres, I would get it dyed black and end up with black lace on top of a greyish underlayer (as polyester underlayers are only partially permeable to dye). I think it would look quite nice, actually. It’s a lovely dress… I’m just not sure if it’s the dress I want to get married in!

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

@hiheel:  Not yet, no. At some stage I’ll get my Maid/Matron of Honor in to take photos for your perusal. But, of course, I’m still losing weight as we speak. I want to drop another 15lb or so to get back to my “single girl” weight before the wedding… another reason to hold out, I think, and reserve judgement until I’ve actually reached my target weight. I didn’t initially aim to lose so much, but now I’ve started to be successful, part of me is thinking “**** it, why not go all the way!”.

Like I said… Jasmine’s only takes 10 weeks. Even if I give them 12 weeks, I don’t have to make a final decision until well into the new year, by which time I’ll have a whole new body (I hope). That will allow me to reassess, and then I’ll post again and ask for opinions (with pics of me in my original dress!).

@babecake  I have tried it with two new sashes now and you were right… an ivory colour is so much nicer. I have a stunning ivory sash, but even with that on… something is not quite right.

• BeeingAnonymous
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: December 2013

@mrsokeefe2b:  Yeah, it’s stunning, isn’t it? Like I said, the only things I wasn’t sold on were the deep sweetheart neckline and some aspects of the finishes. I mean, the lace and beading is lovely, but I have seen finishes that were more… I don’t know… ornate, sort of? I like that ornateness better.

Fancy posting a pic of you in the dress here? I can’t post a pic of me in it, and it might help other bees offer advice! Plus, you get to show off your dress again, right?