(Closed) Never Thought it would be My Family

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a face to face chat with them. Tell them that you heard what they are saying and that you are not in any way interested in stiring the pot or causing drama but that you don’t need any extra hate in your wedding party. You would be sad if they arn’t able to joing you but if they are not going to participate that is their option and that is what they choose.

There is no reason to deal with that kind on nonsence. nip it in the bumper now (in the words of my grandmother) before it spreads.

Post # 4
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

By hostess do you mean bridesmaid? Because honestly, unless I was standing at the front of the church with you, I am a grown women and can dress myself. And I would never buy a $142 on my own, as a BRIDESMAID, yes, but if you mean hostess how I think, then who cares what their dress looks like? I think it would be best to let it go, at this point it will cause more drama and issues with your family than it is worth. 

Post # 6
Member
2157 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Assuming by ‘hostess’ you mean bridesmaids, I feel that is a very reasonable cost for a dress.  I think you need to address this issue with them and get them to tell you exactly how they feel about it so that you can have an open converstaion about it.

Post # 7
Member
2157 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsSuperCutiePatootie:  Oh, okay. In that case, I think I might be a bit upset at having to buy a dress, especially one over $100.  That’s a lot of money (to me) for a dress, and there are certainly nice dresses under that. Also, I know most women own dresses for nice occaisons like this, so even if they don’t own one, they probably know someone they could borrow one from. But that’s just my personal thoughts. It still doesn’t give them the right to talk behind your back. They should address it face to face

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

okay, I just read your clarification, and I think if they are not in the bridal party they probably have the right (and ablility) to pick out thier own dress. If they are not going to pick out the dress you chose for them then that is that, you can’t MAKE them. Can you ask them to find their own dress which is similar, maybe if they find three options which are similar that THEY like and you choose from them?

Post # 9
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MrsSuperCutiePatootie:  Well, no offense but if I were a family member, NOT in the wedding party, but doing a service for you at your wedding, and told what to wear because you believed otherwise I would dress “tacky” then yes, I also might talk behind your back because it seems kind of unreasonable to assume everyone has money to drop on your wedding. You don’t know someone else’s finances, maybe in December $142 wasn’t a lot, and something happend and now it is. And no one else is ever going to remember “Oh my gosh, those people who welcomed me at the door didn’t match the decor!” They will remember going to see two people they love get married. I stand by, this isn’t something worth making a big deal over. In the long run, it will be more important that you have a decent relationship with your family than if they all meshed into your “vision” of a perfect wedding. A wedding is one day, your family is (usually) forever. 

Post # 10
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

you should discuss what colour or style you were hoping they would wear and let them buy their own dresses. and gently tell them that word got back to you and you felt hurt that they were talking behind your back, but you want to rectify the situation by allowing them to choose their own dresses, with your guidelines in mind, and get back on better terms. I bet they will apologize and pick something that you will be happy with.

Post # 11
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The fact that they have a personal issue with the dress(es) is awful enough, but I can’t get over the part at the end where they’re telling your junior bridesmaid’s mom to not let her be in your wedding because *they* don’t approve! Haven’t they heard it’s YOUR wedding? You wouldn’t have asked the girl to be a junior bridesmaid if you didn’t have a special relationship with her, so it’s between you and her (and the girl’s mother, really). None of their business.

It’s always tough dealing with family, but if I were in your shoes, I would be offended and hurt by their actions. As PP said, have a chat with them. Share your concerns about drawing a line between family members, and ask if they’d feel more comfortable in a different role on your (yes, YOUR) special day. They might be worried about something else altogether.

 

Good luck!!

 

Post # 12
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MrsSuperCutiePatootie:  Perhaps the hostess thing is a geographic cultural thing because it is not something I have ever heard in the Baltimore/Philadelphia/NYC region. To demand that grown women, who are not in the bridal party, buy a $140 in order to “work” your event is a little much–I would be upset as well.

As for your bridesmaids, you need to have a discussion with them, especially if they’re making comments to your coordinator and the salon contact. Set what your expectations are and if they can’t meet them, then still make sure they understand they’re invited to the wedding, but you need to find suitable replacements. 

Post # 13
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I would fuss about having to pay $140 for a dress too if I was just a hostess. Honestly, that’s ridiculous.

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