- 5 years ago
I’ve been visiting this site for a little while now but never had the guts to actually post 😉 I guess I’ll start out with a quick summary of my relationship so far.
We met a little over three years ago, I was 24 he was 25. We became exclusive pretty much right away (which may I add was all him) i was more laid back than he was about the relationship… Then. Very early in our relationship he told me he wanted to be married and have his first kid by the time he was 30. I said, you might be with the wrong girl lol. but I’ve always wanted to get married and have a family, and I really liked him so it was all good. He was living at his mothers house at the time (he is a Marine veteran and had been home for about 6months when we met) i had just graduated from college. My living situation was up in the air since I had just moved back from school. Naturally I spent more and more time at his house and was pretty much living there full time by 4 months of dating.
Around 9 months in I told him I was ready to get my own place and if he wanted to move in with me he was welcome but if he wasn’t ready to move out it was totally fine. But, I needed my own space (his mothers house was small and I just wasn’t comfortable with the situation anymore….however very appreciative that she welcomed me into her home) He decided to move in with me but, I feel part of him wanted to stay at his moms.
whelp, very soon after we moved into our new apartment I got pregnant. Completely unplanned but we were in love and very happy. We always talked about what if it happened and he would always say well it would be fine because I know I’m going to marry you anyways. when it did happen we talked about getting married. I told him that I didn’t want to get married just because I was pregnant (but still hoping he would ask me.. I just hoped there would be some romance and surprise left in it) We had also discussed the topic of cohabitation and both agreed that it wasn’t for us. Because of this I didn’t feel pressured for a ring. I expected it would come soon enough.
fast forward 9 months of pregnancy, delivery, babies first christmas, babies first birthday, our three year anniversary, and several breakdowns and me asking why it hasn’t happened and how unhappy I am with the whole situation…. But still no ring.
Ive literally hoped for a ring since the day I found out I was pregnant. I knew I wanted to marry him before so this is not me just wanting to marry because of the baby, i was just ready sooner because I am not comfortable with raising a child out of wedlock (nothing against people who do I just always wanted to be married and have a family. But definitely after our sons first birthday (who knows probably before that) I have really been wanting to be married.
i seem to mention getting engaged like every 6 months… We argue about it. He says I’m pressuring him. I am silent for a few more months and then it happens again. 2 months ago I said this was the last time I will bring it up… And it won’t turn into the cycle nothing happening again. He told me he is sorry but he feels like we are already married so he doesnt really think about it. i said wow thats funny because a few months ago i cried to you about how much i wanted to be married and how genuinely unhappy i am that im not. And then you manage to just not think about it. I set a timeframe in my head, New Years. If he doesn’t propose by New Years then he will have the girlfriend he wants, not the housewife with no commitment that he has now. Since then I have brought it up a couple of times just to make sure he is aware of how serious I am. But I still feel like nothing is going to happen. He put my christmas gifts under the tree today… And i know there is no ring In any of those boxes.
its making me want to just say screw it and not even wait until New Years. I just don’t know what to do. I would NEVER wait unhappily this long for someone or recommend someone do the same. But he is my sons father and my decision affects him too. I just can’t believe it has come to this. I never thought it would be this long. I am so cold to him now because I resent him so much. I try to be happy and look at the bright side and not think about it, and it works for a little while and things will be great but I just can’t help but be angry and resent him at this point which he obviously senses. But when he asks me what’s wrong and why I’m so cold I can’t just say why because then will be “pressuring” him.
Omg I’m sorry this was so long. Talk about venting. Thanks for reading. Any advice will be greatly appreciated 🙂